18 November 2012

Florida News


by Leigh Lundin

Florida postcardFlorida madness continues, not merely in the political arena. It's not the heat, it's the humidity. Read on, MacDuff.



Humans: 352 — Roaches: 1


Man wins roach-eating contest. The rest of the news: won contest, lost life. They said he was the life of the party; and then he wasn't.

Usually kids just carry the ring.

Two weeks before her marriage, 32-year old Destiny Witte had it all… dream wedding planned, three wonderful children, handsome fiancĂ©, sparkling engagement ring, sex with a 14-year-old boy in a public toilet… Oops. (Psst, guys. She's available again.)

Just pay the bill, man!

Orlando police arrested Jeremie Calo not for having sex on a restaurant table but refusing to pay the bill. Meanwhile, off-duty Orlando police drove 115mph to arrive at the scene.

Inspector Javert's kin is alive and well in Sarasota

Sergeant Anthony Frangioni arrested a homeless man for theft of services when the out-of-work man charged his cell phone in a public park. The electrical socket is normally used by picnickers and maintenance. Electricity used? 1¢. Bail? $500. Arresting a homeless man in need? Priceless.

Happens in snowstorms, too.

Dumb and Dumber, two dim-witted teen burglars, got lost, circled back to scene of the crime.

Not cool, man. Didn't you watch Jurassic Park III?

Immigration and Customs Enforcement arrested Eric Prokopi, "commercial paleontologist", for smuggling dinosaurs into the US.

Mother-in-Law loses gambit, wins title.

Murderous MiL is back in the news again, winning the web site mom.me's Mother-in-Law from Hell award, although her entire family plotted the kill. These four linked videos indicate if her son-in-law had accepted her invitation to step inside her parlor, he probably wouldn't be alive.

With a twin, you're never alone.

[We’ve been asked by one of the parties to remove her name. Although we quoted police sources, we remind readers that parties are considered innocent until proven otherwise and it is not the intent of SleuthSayers to cause needless distress. For more information, see take-down request.]

Florida Governor Scott's hot phone sex line

You would think a man who committed the largest Medicare/Medicaid fraud in history would know the difference between meningitis and men in tight places, but not so. Maybe that's where Benjamin Ashauer went wrong. At least he wasn't like the Seattle perv who told police to wait.

Citizens Grand Jury

In Florida, politics is an ugly blood sport. Larry 'Ku Klux' Klayman (that's spelled with a 'y' and not an 'n' and that's an opinion, not his sobriquet) claims to be a former Justice Department prosecutor. He hit the internet with his "citizens grand jury" (a three-way oxymoron), a "true bill", which seeks to indict President Obama in the alternate universe of Ocala, Florida for bat-shit loony stuff like:
  • treason against the US, Israel, and Arizona
  • treason: nurturing the Arab Spring
  • treason: sending foreign aid to Hamas
  • revealing SEAL Team 6 got bin Laden
  • financing the so-called Ground Zero mosque
  • being financed by Iran's Revolutionary Guard
  • falsifying his birth certificate and place of birth
  • treason: a "black Muslim-in-chief" in "devilish whoredom"
He doesn't much like Supreme Court Chief Justice John Roberts either.

But hey, this is Florida. Come for the sunshine, stay for the madness.

8 comments:

Fran Rizer said...

Leigh, your columns reinforce my opinion that the best thing about Florida is that my grandson was born there.

Janice said...

How does anyone dare to write fiction in the Sunshine State?

Leigh Lundin said...

Fran, that's an easy one!

Janice, I think of it as a great source of material, but I have to tone the characters and events down to believability.

Eve Fisher said...

Nice to see the Florida is maintaining its standards of criminal behavior. It takes the pressure off the rest of the country!

Dixon Hill said...

Okay. Not to put too fine a point on it, but wouldn’t “falsifying his birth certificate and place of birth” negate “treason against the US, Israel, and Arizona” because treason can only be perpetrated by a citizen of the country? (In fact, how anyone who's not from AZ can commit treason against AZ is a bit beyond me. I mean: I live in AZ, can I commit treason against Georgia without moving there???)

I mean, to commit treason, you have to be a turn-coat — right? — not an outsider. And, this guy’s claiming Obama isn’t really a citizen (i.e.: claiming he falsified his birth certificate so that it indicated he was born in Hawaii), but is instead an outsider.

Further: I’m not quite sure what “devilish whoredom” is, but it sounds like something that some people might actually find pretty enjoyable. And, quite possibly illegal — except in Las Vegas — though far from treasonous.

You legal eagles out there can correct me, where I’ve gone wrong here.

Jeff Baker said...

Good Gosh! I didn't expect to see Larry Klayman mentioned on this blog! He hasn't been even slightly relevant in over a decade! I'm amazed he isn't here in Kansas! :) :) :)

Leigh Lundin said...

Jeff, is like a bad penny. But there's good news: As a lawyer, he seems to lose almost everything he initiates.

Dixon, that's a brilliant thought. A 'foreign' agent could be a spy, but hot a traitor to his target. Regarding devilish whoredom, I leave it to the student as an exercise.

Leigh Lundin said...

This is just in: Gov. Scott, that "most stubborn adversaries," of health care, may be changing his mind. Reports suggest he's willing to discuss health care for the poor and middle class. This has raised the ire of the Kock brothers who accuse Scott of "caving" (you don't know Scott!) and being "bought off" (Scott's not quite as rich as the Kochs, but he's damned wealthy). So we shall see.