I'm not endorsing these attorneys, but their advice is worth hearing.
02 January 2025
Attorneys Offer Advice
01 January 2025
Being Resolute
Happy New Year! Since I have the honor of welcoming in the glorious new annum I thought I might provide some Resolutions for Writers. Not for me, of course. Perfection is for the gods alone and I already come so dangerously close I could be accused of hubris. These tips are for the rest of you.
* None of my characters will be shot in the shoulder and act as if it were a mosquito bite.
* None of my female characters will use their Feminine Wiles to get information they could have received just by asking, unless such behavior is one of their characteristics.
* None of my present-day characters will go into a dangerous situation without a working cell phone or a damned good explanation of why they had none.* None of my stories will switch from present to past tense and back again, or first to third person ditto, without a good reason.
* None of the following words will appear in the final draft without being savagely interrogated and forced to defend their existence: suddenly, very, just, had, got.
* Villains will not explain their evil plot to captured heroes without a damned good reason.
* None of my characters will smile, smirk, or grimace their dialog, because those words describe facial expressions, not ways of speaking. (Sneer gets a pass.)
* No headhopping. "George thought Frank was lying. Frank wondered if George thought he was lying. George wondered what Frank was thinking. Alice wondered why the narrator didn't pick a goddamn lane."
* My hero will not be knocked unconscious at a convenient moment.
* My characters will not hiss a sentence with no S in it.
* A supernatural event in my story will not have a rational explanation - and then be Overturned By Something Spooky, The End.
* If I have five characters I will not name them Mary, Marv, Mark, Mike, and Mickey.
* I will not let a day go by without doing something to promote mystery short fiction, my own, or others.
By the way, I have committed at least two of these abominations, but I swear I am reformed now.
Any additions?
31 December 2024
2024 Year in Review: Editing
In my previous SleuthSayers post, I wrote about how little I’ve been able to accomplish this year because I’ve been unable to establish a routine and stick to it. While I still feel like a slacker, I’ve apparently done enough that I’m having to split my 2024 Year in Review post into two parts. I’ll discuss writing and other things next post; this time I’m concentrating on editing.
30 December 2024
The Best Essay on Top Ten Lists for 2024
by Chris Knopf
It’s the
season of Top Ten Books of 2024, Best of 2024, Our picks for 2024, Most Notable, etc. It’s a curators’ frenzy telling us what we should value and appreciate about
the year’s creative output.
It’s natural for human beings to sort things, and we do it all the time. It’s also not a bad thing to learn what other people think about anything, be it sanitizer wipes, Baus Haus architecture or best sellers. It can be illuminating and helpful, since there’s too much to know in the world, and not enough time to absorb it all on your own.
However, there’s nothing sillier than Top Ten, or Best Of lists of books, and I advise everyone to give scant regard to the frothy commotion. Here are my Top Ten reasons why:
1. In a few years, most of the books
on these lists will be forgotten.
2. It’s all entirely
subjective. These lists are composed by
people who have their own tastes and predilections, and though well informed,
mean nothing to those of us with contrary, varied opinions.
3. Critics and readers are not the same people. Critics, the ones who make the Best Of lists, are heavily invested in their aesthetic judgements, and far more committed to the context in which any given work is developed. This means they overthink everything, and are speaking more to their competing reviewers than to the rest of us. We just want to read something we like. That enriches us. We don’t care about all the nonsense they care about.
| Okay, it's for movies, but you get the idea |
4. If you asked every book reader to
make their own Best Of list, and put them all together, it would likely include
the entire print run of every publisher in the country.
5. You will never read a Best Of
list without being insulted. Or
outraged. Or mildly annoyed. They’ll
leave off your favorite book or rhapsodize over a piece of crap. It’s
not worth the increased blood pressure and intestinal distress.
6. You can’t separate popularity
from artistic success. Lousy books can
sell a lot of copies, great books can fade into obscurity a day after they’re released. Lists tend to favor books with lots of sales,
whatever the quality. They also tend to
confuse social impact with literary merit.
You need to figure out what they mean by Best, which isn’t worth the
time or effort.
7. Only time will tell which of this
year’s works will endure. Some do, for
decades or centuries, because of some ineffable quality that transcend the immediate. And even that may wane over time. The Best Books of All Time list keeps
changing. And it always will.
8. There is no Best. Every work has it’s own particular charms,
and saying one is better than another is like saying an apple is always better
than an orange, which is better than a peach.
Not to say there are no objective criteria, but a lot of books will meet
the minimum requirements, and from there, it’s up to the reader to decide.
9. There’s no harm in reading the
Top Ten list for 2024, but don’t expect to be overwhelmed with gratitude for
the opportunity. You can just as well browse
around a library or bookstore, or listen to your friends and relatives, who are
no greater authorities, but at least might share similar preferences.
10. All love is good love; all books you like are good books. Lists are for scorekeepers, snobs and fussbudgets.
29 December 2024
Taking Stock, Moving On
Sports franchises going through poor seasons say they're having a "rebuilding year" because it sounds better than "terrible year." There is something to be said, though, for the basic concept of a rebuilding year--taking stock of where you are and trying to put the fundamental pieces in place for moving forward.
The end of the year is a natural time for writers, like everyone else, to take a step back, see what they've done, and think about building that foundation for the next twelve months. As a writer, I wouldn't go so far as to say I had a terrible year.
But a rebuilding year? Yeah, I'll cop to that.
By my count, I wrote thirteen new stories in 2024. That's not bad, but I've had years when I wrote more than twenty (26 being my high). My 2024 stories totaled roughly 52,000 words, for an average of 4,000 per story. Of the thirteen, three were submitted to open-call anthologies, seven were written for anthologies I was invited to contribute to, and the remaining three were submitted to magazines.
I had fourteen stories published in 2024, which, again, is down considerably from my 2022 high mark of 21. Ten were in anthologies, four in periodicals. Two were reprints (details and links can be found on my website).
Other writing-related 2024 moments worth noting: I attended two conferences (Bouchercon and ShortCon), joined the Sleuthsayers, was nominated for a Shamus award, signed a contract for a collection of some of my stories, and was elected the President of the Short Mystery Fiction Society (since I ran unopposed, it was a landslide).
My work with the SMFS probably accounts for some of my decline in production. Before I was the President, I was the Derringer coordinator, as I discussed at (probably excessive) length in my very first Sleuthsayer column. Both positions took up a lot of time I might have spent writing, but I don't regret holding them. The SMFS has been enormously important in my development as a writer, and if I can give something back that helps other writers in similar ways, I'm happy to do so.
What I ultimately think was more damaging was something that offers far less fulfillment or meaning: social media. I allowed myself, at various times this year, to get sucked into the vortex of Facebook and (shudder) Twitter/X, as well as, to a lesser degree, other platforms. It's astonishing, and distressing, to realize how much time and mental energy this can take up, if you let it.
The conventional wisdom is that social media is vital to the life of a writer these days. We need the connections. We need the leads. We need to actively promote ourselves. This is unfortunate, because I'm increasingly of the opinion that social media is also toxic to the writing life.
That's only in part because of the time it sucks up. It also promotes a mindset that is actively destructive to the kind of quiet contemplation and reflective thought vital to productive writing. It shreds the attention span. It offers a constant stream of distraction. It promotes a continual buzz of anxiety, because in the world of social media everything is a crisis, everything is dramatic, everything is conflict, and the ways in which the world is on fire just multiply the longer you look. At least, that's what it was doing to me. How can I write a nice little murder story when hundreds of people are screaming at me that the collapse of civilization is just around the corner?
Since a certain event in early November that I will not discuss directly, I've been off social media almost entirely. I haven't been on Twitter once, and I deleted the app from my phone, keeping my account only to prevent anyone else from taking the name. I've made a few Facebook posts to promote new publications, but avoided looking at anything else on the site.
I'm finding this is very good for me. I'm less anxious and depressed. I'm writing more, and enjoying the process more. I'm also reading more, with more sustained attention.
The problem, of course, is that to a certain degree social media is important to writers today. It's not just a matter of promoting our work, though that is important. It's also the place where we establish and maintain our relationships with other writers, with publishers, with readers. Lord knows not many people are writing emails these days, let alone letters (I have no idea what the literary biographers of the future are going to have to work with). Since the social aspect of being a writer is important to me, it feels impossible, and unwise, to sever my ties with social media entirely.
So this is the dilemma I face going into 2025: how do I reap the benefits of social media without paying the costs? I'd honestly be interested in hearing how other writers deal with this problem. Do you use social media? Which platforms, and how much? How do you keep it in check enough to not interfere with your writing? Is social media, for you, ultimately a boon or a curse?
Whatever your answer, I hope everyone reading this had a productive 2024, and I wish us all a better 2025 than we might be expecting. See you in January!
28 December 2024
My Five Favourite Comedies of All Time –
A Christmas Week List!
Many people know I got my start writing stand-up, which morphed into a syndicated humour column, which morphed into the kind of fiction I write now (generally off-the-wall capers, progressing to slightly more respectable loopy mysteries.)
John Floyd's column on sequels in movies had me thinking and rethinking my 'desert isle' list. That is, if I could only take 5 movies with me to a desert isle, what would they be?
And of course, they would be comedies. Christmas week is always the time I re-watch my favourite comedies.
(Aside: I have 'desert isle' lists for almost everything - crime books, literary books, classical music, rock music, cocktails, beer, desserts - yes, of course you need desserts on a desert isle, darling. This is my desert isle, and I can design it the way I want.)
But back to comedy movies. I'm looking here for movies with sustained comedy, as opposed to popular rom-coms that have a scene or two that are memorable.
Here is my list of the best of the best, from someone
who has made their career in comedy. Note that many of these are
British. I am not (I'm Canadian) but my dad was. This possibly
explains my own style of writing (which seems perfectly normal to
me, but apparently others consider wacky.)
With that in mind, I hope some of these are new to you. I envy you if you haven't seen these before! You are in for a treat.
1. The Wrong Box
How
can you go wrong with a cast like this? Dudley Moore, John Mills,
Ralph Richardson, Peter Cook, Peter Sellers... Add in the best hearse chase scene
ever imagined (with horse-drawn hearses). I don't want to give it away,
but when a box containing money gets mixed up with a box containing a
statue, which gets mixed up with a box containing the dead body of the
Bournemouth strangler... The Salvation Army women are just a scream. I
could quote lines, but you'd have to see it to appreciate it. Let me
just say... "This is Julia Finsbury...soon to become...Julia Finsbury!"
(final scene - an absolute hoot.)
This is my favourite movie of all time.
2. The Pink Panther
This was the first adult comedy I saw as a kid, and I love it even today. It may have inspired my own reverse-robberies in The Goddaughter's Revenge. How can you not giggle at the fancy dress ball, the apes, the crazy car chase, the marvelous thwarted seduction scene with the champagne exploding under the covers...
And Peter Sellers with Capucine. Sellers at his very best, and with her serene classiness, Capucine was made for the part.
3. A Shot in the Dark
The sequel to The Pink Panther, and many (like my friend John) would say the better movie. I adore both.
Mike (husband) says I am unusual in that I like guy humour. Well, if this is guy humour, he's dead on, because the scene of Peter Sellers holding the 'strategic' guitar at the nudist camp always has me giggling.
4. The Russians are Coming, The Russians are Coming
Can
you tell this movie had a Canadian in the pilot seat? I can't imagine
how subversive this movie must have seemed at the time, in the midst of
the cold war. Alan Arkin is magic as the Russian submarine lieutenant
charged with leading a small group of Russian sailors on a rescue
mission through hick town USA. Again, I point to the dialogue. Pure
gold.
Tommy (accusing his dad): "Yer a trader!"
Mom: "That's traitor, Tommy, traitor."
5. Here we have a dilemma.
I lean towards giving the no. 5 spot to Some Like It Hot, with strong honorable mentions to The Producers, We're No Angels, A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum, Support your local Gunfighter, and Four Weddings and a Funeral.
Okay, I may need a bigger island.
What are your favourites? I'd like to hear. Are any of these new to you? Let me know if you watch them and appreciate them (or like me, love them to death.)
Melodie Campbell is the author of 18 novels, 60 short stories and over 200 humour columns. She spent a lot of time in the corner at school, as a kid. Soon to come...
27 December 2024
A Connecticut Yankee In Jim's TBR Stack
by Jim Winter
I spent 15 years going through Stephen King's canon, skipping a few screenplays and Faithful, as I am not invested enough in the two baseball teams I grew up on, let alone the Red Sox. Why so long? For starters, life. I got divorced twice during this process, I changed jobs three times in that period of my life. My current wife had a catastrophic health crisis a few years ago. And, dude, I write. I may not sell much, but I write. Also, King writes. A lot. Sixty-five novels and novellas, plus two hundred short stories. And he's still writing.
But now that we're down to a leisurely 1-3 books a year by Maine's most celebrated writer, whose canon am I going through now?
That would be one Samuel Langhorne Clemens from Hannibal, MO, and later of Hartford, CT. AKA Mark Twain. One of my first buys on Kindle was a collection of all his novels, short stories, and essays. I focused on the books. I also began reading in earnest when I read his massive and deliberately chaotic autobiography. I just now finished the books. I still have the short stories and essays to go through and bought three print books: Letters from Hawaii (compiled by his request after his death by Albert Bigelow, his editor and responsible for the earliest and shortest iteration of his autobiography), The Complete Essays of Mark Twain, and Short Stories and Tall Tales. These last three I will read in the new year.
So how was reading Twain different from King? Well, for starters, horror isn't Twain's bag. He can write a scary story, but that's not what he's about. Also, King seems embarrassed to do non-fiction. Twain shines at it. I find his travelogues much more interesting than his novels. Yes, Tom Sawyer and Huckleberry Finn are brilliant and the classics they deserve to be. But Recollections of Joan of Arc is actually better. And the later novels, a pair of Tom Sawyer sequels clearly written for a quick buck and A Horse's Tale, aren't quite as good. Twain, like any writer, is at his best when he wants to. That's probably why the three volume brick stack that is his autobiography is so readable. It's disjointed, so you can pretty much pick up anywhere, and it's your favorite uncle spinning stories. And even when Huck narrates, which he does in dialect, there's no character voice. It's Twain telling the story.
But the essays, many of which are in early form in the autobiography, are Twain's bread and butter. Twain left home and became a reporter. If he were around today, he'd have a travel blog (and no doubt a YouTube channel: Sammy C Travels the World.) It's what makes Old Times of the Mississippi, A Tramp Abroad, and Following the Equator so engaging.
The shorts, of course, play right into this. I tried to read Mark Twain's Library of Humor, which featured many humorists of his time. I wasn't laughing. One can say it was the product of the times, but that doesn't obligate me to like what the others wrote. I also find Boston-area puritan preacher Jonathan Edwards unreadable, and I was forced to study him in high school. (Hawthorne pretty much made a career out of skewering that culture.) It was the times he wrote.
I read Twain in parallel with King before I focused on finishing his canon. Unlike King, there have been no new Twain stories or works since Volume III of his autobiography debuted in 2015. So while King has work in the pipeline (and probably will not slow down should he die soon), Twain is pretty much complete.
So, who's replacing Twain as the author whose canon I'm working through? I'm about halfway through William Shakespeare. So once I've read the short stories, I'll be averaging a play a month. However, as someone recently commented in my post about The Merchant of Venice, Shakespeare is meant to be watched, not read. (The sonnets notwithstanding.) So, in 2025, I plan to watch one Shakespeare play a week, which will take less than a year.
26 December 2024
Welcome to the Dirty 30s
by Eve Fisher
Recent statement cropping up on a lot of social media about the murder of Brian Thompson, CEO of United Healthcare Insurance over some other social media posts lionizing Luigi Mangione:
BUT – The simple truth is that there comes a point where the "common man" has had enough of being ripped off and used, and... crap happens. Let's use the Way-Back Machine and go to the Great Depression (1929-1939), when the most common folk heroes were bank robbers.
MY NOTE: Certain people in the post-January 20, 2025 world want to abolish the FDIC because... reasons... No history, but "reasons"...
"I knowed Purty Boy Floyd. I knowed his ma. They was good folks. He was full a hell, sure, like a good boy oughta be…He done a bad thing an' they hurt 'im, caught 'im an' hurt him so he was mad, an' the nex' bad thing he done was mad, an' they hurt 'im again. An' purty soon he was mean-mad. They shot at him like a varmint an' he shot back, an' then they run him like a coyote, an' him a-snappin' an' a-snarlin’, mean as a lobo. An' he was mad. He wasn’t a boy or a man no more, he was just a walkin' chunk of mean-mad. But the folks that knowed him didn' hurt 'im. He wasn' mad at them. Finally then run him down and killed 'im. No matter what they say it in the paper how he was bad – that’s how it was."
BTW, in case you're thinking that this is a grim message for the day after Christmas, you need to read more Dickens. First of all, Ebenezer Scrooge would be an obvious target for a folk hero's bullet - and was threatened with an ignominious death by the deceased Jacob Marley and the Ghost of Christmas Future. And then there's Dickens' The Chimes, so bleak it makes Cormac McCarthy look cheerful. Yes, Dickens does supply the mandatory happy ending, but until then... it's a treatise on the ultimate result of Victorian economic theory and practice (pay the poor the absolute minimum and step on any of them who objects), and a legal system designed to eliminate the poor the hard way (lock them up if they don't starve first). This fun read for the holidays is available for free here: http://www.gutenberg.org/files/653/653-h/653-h.htm
Or you could just take a walk down some of the poorer streets of your city... Talk to some of the elderly who are working at hardscrabble jobs to make ends meet, because their Social Security isn't enough. To some of the working class parents, both of them working two jobs to pay for everything, and always falling behind. To that woman, living in her car because she lost her job, the bank foreclosed, and she still can't figure out how it all happened so fast. To the elderly man who divorced his wife, not because he doesn't love her, but because she's in a dementia ward, and the only way to keep her there is to let the nursing home take all the money, while he lives in a little apartment on his Social Security and works one of those hardscrabble jobs to keep himself alive. To the family of the teenager who got meningitis/encephalitis and was in the hospital for almost a year and got smacked with $1 million in debt... And that was AFTER a chunk of it was forgiven by the hospital...
The #1 reason for bankruptcy in this country (66.5%) is medical debt.
Sooner or later, something's gonna give.
25 December 2024
Deadly Tropics
The search goes on, for something watchable. Ghosts, on CBS, streaming on Prime, is terrifically charming (and very light), and I’m not the only one to think so. A wide circle of my friends, a group with widely divergent tastes, are smitten with it. I’m also much taken with The Musketeers, although I aired some of my grievances in a Substack column a couple of weeks ago. But more narrowly, looking in the genre of criminal enterprise, I’ve been toggling back and forth between BritBox, Acorn, and MHz – I only allow myself one subscription at a time.
Shetland is
back, Season 9. Blue Lights kind of lost me, in the second season, I don’t quite
know why. Scott & Bailey ran five years, and I wish there were more: I
could watch Amelia Bullmore in damn near anything. Troppo
left me cold, even with Thomas Jane. I
took a flyer on The Jetty, because
Jenna Coleman, how could you not? (I was
a huge fan of
I’m
pleased, therefore, to give you Deadly
Tropics. (Not a great title, and the
original, Tropiques Criminels, isn’t
any better; you wonder why imagination failed.
They could have called it Martinique
Heat – almost anything would be better, to draw an initial audience.) What the series very definitely is not, is a French knock-off of Death in Paradise, to which it’s been
compared. Just for openers, Tropics is nowhere near as
annoying.
In
other words, the show starts with a concept, and then essentially discards
it. There’s a genuine chemistry between the
leads, Sonia Rolland and Béatrice
de la Boulaye, and the scripts are spry and tight. The scenery is lush, the locations feel
authentic, the politics and so on seem to fit.
I don’t know from sex tourism, or the music scene, say, but it all has a
gloss of reality. As with Candice Renoir, the police procedures
may or may not be exact, but you get a strong sense of the
The mysteries themselves aren’t taxing, but they’re not formula. About half the time, you can guess it’s the dad, or the ex, or the plastic surgeon. The storylines play fair, and they aren’t gimmicked. I’ll settle for plain old GBH, and a garden-variety blunt instrument.
Joyeux Noël!
24 December 2024
Making Fictional Fodder from Emotional Wounds
by Barb Goffman
What better thing to think about on the day after Festivus, in the hours before Hanukkah begins, and on Christmas Eve Day–all holidays that many people spend with family–than childhood emotional wounds. Often inflicted by family, of course. They can be terrible for kids and the adults they become. But for crime writers, they are gifts bundled in tissue paper and boxed with ribbons and bows, waiting to be unwrapped.
Do you enjoy reading or watching How The Grinch Stole Christmas?
There wouldn't be much to the story if the Grinch weren't a terrible being. He wouldn't sneak into the homes of the Whovians and steal their tinsel, toys, and trees if something hadn't happened to him to cause him to be so terrible. He wouldn't abuse his poor dog Max and tell little Cindy-Lou Who that he was Santa Claus if he didn't have an emotional wound driving him. Yes, yes, I know. Some have said that maybe he is so grinchy because his shoes are too tight or because his heart is two sizes too small. But how did his heart come to be so small?
I bet back in his childhood someone was mean to him. Maybe other kids. Maybe someone in his family. Maybe both. Bad for the Grinch and bad for the Whovians and bad for dear old Max, but for readers of the Dr. Seuss classic, the Grinch's emotional wound is pure gold. It drives the Grinch's actions and it gives him room to grow. A character arc in a half hour? Oh, yes, dear reader. The Grinch proves it can be done. Short story authors, take note.
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Festivus pole It isn't much, but then again, neither is Festivus. © Matthew Keefe |
The Seinfeld episode “The Strike” also shows how childhood emotional wounds can be wonderful entertainment fodder. This is the episode about Festivus. If young George Costanza had not been forced each December 23rd to listen to his father detail his grievances, if George had not been raised in a home without a Christmas tree but with a tinsel-less aluminum pole–tinsel is distracting, you know–if George had not had to participate in the Feats of Strength each year, he might not have grown up to be a man who claims to make donations to a fake charity he created in order to get out of giving Christmas gifts.
Sure, you may be thinking, even without Festivus, George would have been doomed to become an extremely flawed adult because he grew up with Frank and Estelle as his parents. But that just shows the depth of his emotional wounds. Thanks to the suffering he experienced as a child–and yes, as an adult–TV viewers got to enjoy nine years of a complex, flawed character who drove many amusing storylines, even the ones that ultimately were about nothing. And viewers still can enjoy them, thanks to the wonders of syndication.
One of my stories that was published this year involves a man, Ethan, who suffered childhood emotional wounds at the hands of his father, and like with the Grinch and George Costanza, those wounds plague him to this day. Ethan can practically hear his father whispering in his ear whenever he doesn't measure up to some ingrained standard. Then he seeks refuge in his favorite comfort food. When that coping mechanism becomes unavailable, adult Ethan acts out. His childhood emotional wounds drive the man and thus the action in the story. Want to know more? You can read this story, “A Matter of Trust,” on my website by clicking here. It isn't funny like many of my stories, but I hope readers find it compelling.
Happy holidays and happy new year to you all. May you reach January without any new emotional wounds. The ones you writers have are likely more than enough.















