(The pictures in this column are intended to point out something incredibly cool. The British Library just placed more than one million illustrations from their books on Flickr. All public domain, yours to use at will. Wow!)
Back in 2009 I blogged a list of New Year's Resolutions. Last year I did it again, but that time I generously made a list for various fictional characters, hoping to improve their lives.
Well, it appears that my turn in the barrel is New Year's Day so I can't resist the chance to do it again, but this time instead of advising characters I am going to offer some useful suggestions to their creators. I trust you will add a few in the Comments section. If you don't I will assume you are too badly hungover to function and send someone to your house to preach temperance. So be warned.
Horror movie writers hereby resolve not to let their characters split up when they know they are in danger, unless it has already been established that they are idiots.
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Private eye writers resolve to get their heroes' sociopathic sidekicks some therapy.
Noir writers resolve to remember that to be noir a work must include crime, not merely be depressing.
Cozy writers resolve to remember that murderers need motives.
Humourous writers resolve to be funny (I'm lookin' at you, Lopresti).
Police procedural writers resolve to prevent their officers from doing things that would get their cases kicked out of court, unless it is established that they are aware of the danger.
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Suspense writers resolve to admit that not every criminal has a super-intellect and obscenely good luck.
Thriller writers resolve to consider the possibility that ninety percent of all conspiracies consist of one dummy screwing up and a lot of smart people making a mess trying to hide it.
Courtroom drama writers resolve to occasionally show a judge who doesn't hate the hero.
Any other suggestions?