05 November 2014

Sinking in the Amazon


by Robert Lopresti

About a bad habit (one of many) new authors can get into.  For a tune: think sea chantey.

I'm so proud I can hardly speak
My new novel came out last week
At the web I took a peek
To see how the sales went on
    They were low but began to rise
    I thought I was in for a sweet surprise
    All of a sudden, right before my eyes
    I was sinking in the Amazon
  
Sinking in the Amazon!
Sinking in the Amazon!
Where have all my readers gone?
I was sinking in the Amazon

My friends swore they would buy my book
Critics said it was worth a look
These sales figures have got me shook
This duckling should be a swan
    Some bad novels are doing well
    But my little masterpiece does not sell
    And while it drops toward the pits of hell
    I am sinking in the Amazon

Sinking in the Amazon!
Sinking in the Amazon!
Fiction should outsell non-
I am sinking in the Amazon

I stared so hard I began to squint
I wished these numbers would take a hint
I act like the sales race is a sprint
When I know it's a marathon
    Buy my book and the numbers lift
    Pass me by and the patterns drift
    Maybe my Uncle Ed needs a gift!
    I'm sinking in the Amazon

Sinking in the Amazon!
Sinking in the Amazon!
Is my career a con?
I am sinking in the Amazon

I know that I should be writing more
But now I really can't tell what for
If my books just squat in the big e-store
When they ought to fly hither and yon
    How can I make  my brain gears mesh?
    The spirit's weak and so's the flesh
    I slip to that site and I hit refresh
    And I'm sinking in the Amazon

Sinking in the Amazon!
Sinking in the Amazon!
Deader than Babylon
Sinking in the Amazon


11 comments:

  1. Rob, this is great! I'd love for you to record it and post your performance.

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  2. Give it a catchy tune and name it the Writer's Blues!

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  3. Definitely, this needs to be put to music! Oh Lordy - and we can sing it at Bouchercon opening ceremonies, Rob!

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  4. Thanks, ladies. I have the tune. Just need the time to record it. And maybe a chorus to back me up...

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  5. Count me in for applause if not backup!

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  6. Rob, well said.
    Unfortunately, I won't be able to join the chorus. Kiti won't even let me sing in church. She keeps elbowing me and saying, "Hush, they can hear you."

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  7. Nicely done, Rob. It sparked a memory of a very funny piece recorded years back by Don McLean on the same subject. Like everything nowadays that piece is readily available (thank you, Google). Here it is -- and I recommend the investment of three minutes!

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SBsC8uQ-tgs

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  8. Wonderful, Rob, and very funny! Of course it would be a lot funnier if I couldn't relate so damn well to the lyrics.

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  9. I'm rolling here, buddy. Great song! Can't wait to hear your recording when it's finished.

    --Dixon

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  10. The ladies are right, RT speaks for me, and Dale's choice is epic. (applause)

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  11. Love the lament! Definitely add guitar to go with the bouncy rhythm and post!

    ReplyDelete

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