Something Different

And now, something different –

Saint Madelon Pichon

How he died and eventually went to heaven

Cloistered priest Madelon Pichon (1702-1762) swam with dolphins every day, no matter the weather. This was difficult as Father Madelon wore a thick robe which, when waterlogged, became heavy, incredibly heavy, so damn heavy. Still, he swam with his dolphin friends. One day, while his disciples watched from a beach in Brittany in northern France, Father Madelon swam with a pair of juvenile dolphins. Although Father Madelon was an empath with humans – he was able to meet with married couples and tell them which of the two was a no-good cheating bastard – he was not similarly gifted with dolphins. Unknown to Father Madelon, the juvenile dolphins swimming with him on that fateful morning were, in fact, juvenile delinquents. Their named were Kaaaaa and Zeeeee. During the swim, Kaaaaa took the hem of Father Madelon's robe in his mouth and dove. Zeeeee, ever the faithful wingman, went along as they descended into the depths. Zeeeee reported to Kaaaaa the changes in Father's face as the human realized his plight and his face contorted from shock to panic to grimaces, to a face Zeeeee called 'stupid human open-mouthed gasp'. While Zeeeee reported the looks on Father Madelon's face with a series of chips, burps and whistles, Kaaaaa continued diving until the human stopped struggling.

When their play toy went limp, the dolphins decided to remove his silly robe and to their dismay, they spied the milky white body of a naked human, which repulsed them. They darted away to find their gang members to let them in on what they had done.

Gang of dolpins looking for trouble

The body of Father Madelon floated with the current, between layers of salt water, drawn toward an out-cropping of land where a pod of orcas were feeding on an unfortunate group of seals. A female orca named Sersereeee spotted the pale body of Father Madelon and went to investigate, snatched it in her mouth, running her tongue over the dead flesh and thought, "Hey, I could eat this." Being a mother, the orca brought the body to the surface and found her calf, Xorxoreeee. The two orcas played catch with the body of Father Madelon to the horror of Madelon's disciples who had been running amok along the beach and out-cropping since Father Madelon went down with the dolphins.

Sersereeee and Xorxoreeee flipped Father Madelon high into the air and leaped up to snatch him before he plummeted into the water. This continued until Father Madelon's right arm became unattached and Xorxoreeee ate it. Two more flips and the body was ripped in half and Sersereeee ate half and Xorxoreeee the other half.

Due to an unexplained fear of vampires, werewolves and flamingos, Father Madelon Pichon only ate garlic and onions during the last twenty years of his life. When his body was devoured by the orcas, the garlic-and-onion-permeated flesh began to roil and bubble in the belly of the orcas and both Sersereeee and Xorxoreeee beached themselves temporality and regurgitated the slimy, dismembered chucks of Father Madelon's body, including the right arm, on the beach and backed themselves into the water to hurriedly seek out a fat seal to rid their mouths of the foul taste of Father Madelon.

Mother orca and her calf

Madelon's disciples witnessed the vomiting of Father Madelon and rushed to the beach only to be driven away by the acidic stench of the remains. They rushed to town to spread the word that the most revered, beloved, honored priest had been eaten by killer whales and vomited on a beach.

A different beach in Brittany, France

NOTE: Father Madelon had been Pichon's Man of the Year four years in a row, as well as Thatcher of the Year twice, Toe-nail Clipper of the Year three times, Breast Inspector of the Year twice (that's chicken breast). He was also France's reigning Know-it-All Man of the Year.

A miracle occurred that night as a cold front swept in with an ice-storm encasing the vomity beach in ice for three days. When the sun melted the ice, migratory birds, particularly snow geese, found the scent of Father Madelon's garlic-and-onion decomposing body so invigorating, they used the beach as a depository for their droppings as they migrated, which attracted water fowl by the thousands – albatrosses and swans who came to defecate on the beach, piling tons of bird doo-doo. New Zealand shelducks and North American buffleheads and various species of cormorants flocked to the beach to add their crap to the growing pile of excrement atop the remains of the revered priest.

The sensitive, Gallic noses of nearby Frenchmen could not stand the stench and the two nearby castles were deserted. The two castles remained unoccupied until the 20th Century when Nazi troops moved in and used one for billeting SS storm troopers and the other as a hospital for wounded Nazi soldiers. They renamed the castles – Castle Brunhilda's Stink and Castle Le Crappo. The Nazis found the smell from the nearby beach not unlike the scent of the fatherland.

Castle Brunhilda's Stink

Today, Father Madelon's Le Crappo Beach draws thousands of water fowl and other migratory birds who deposit their collective excrement, as well as scientists from around the world, who come between migratory seasons. The scientists wear yellow plastic suits with hoods and gas masks to collect bird droppings for analysis. Excited scientists, with dipping spoons in hand, can be observed slipping and sliding on the excrement as they shovel crap into plastic Tupperware. The braver scientists remove their masks to breath in the aroma in order to register the stench in their olfactory, analyzing the putrid scents much as a wine taster does before sipping a good Bordeaux. Eastern European excrement-tasters come during the hottest part of the year to they can taste the full range of flavors to log in little black notebooks.

Father Madelon Pichon's love of dolphins and his devouring by orcas, was a turning point in history as the day water mammals quit eating humans. The reverence given to his beach by Father Madelon's disciples drew the attention of the Vatican, which decided Father Madelon was indeed – a saint.

End of story.

Author's note

Medicare keeps sending me emails about the coronavirus and Covid-19 and scams criminals are using to steal the money sent to me by the government, as well as emails about how to manage stress during the lockdown. The above was my way of managing stress while in the middle of writing my latest novel.

Thats all for now –

http://www.oneildenoux.com

Modern Little Plague on the Prairie

by Eve Fisher

NOTE:  Due to complete discombobulation last week, I posted this a week early.  But, here it is again, newly updated and with a new section - at the end, don't cheat - on possibilities for crime in a time of pandemic.  Enjoy!

As some of you may have heard on the national news, Sioux Falls, SD, currently hosts one of the top hotspots for COVID-19 in America, thanks to Smithfield Foods.  With 941 cases just from Smithfield, we were #1 until we got beat by two correctional facilities in Iowa, and they can have the honor.

Smithfield (which bought Morrell's, and then in turn was bought by a Chinese company back in 2013), was operating like any other meat packing plant, with super-crowded conditions for animals, carcasses, and people, all at super-high speeds, thanks to USDA Secretary Sonny Perdue, who pretty much deregulated the industry in September, 2019. (See story HERE)  And, lest you think Smithfield was an outlier, meat packing plants are popping up all over the country, full of COVID-19, thanks to a tendency to cram workers cheek by jowl for their shifts.  See "Poor Conditions at Meatpacking Plants" HERE.

Anyway, Smithfield wasn't transparent - there's a shock - and covered it up from March 25-April 6, when they had 80 cases and couldn't hide it anymore.  So they promised to close the facility for 3 days for deep cleaning. The next day there were 160 cases, and the day after that 234, and it turned out Smithfield hadn't closed for cleaning but was still processing.  So our Mayor and Governor asked for 14 days quarantine and cleaning, and the CEO closed the plant "indefinitely" and put out a snippy letter saying they'd only kept it open so long to "protect the food security of the nation." Yeah, right.

But I don't want to go into our sorry tale of woe. Instead, I want to post some observations for future mystery writers and historians. Because you know, sooner or later, people are going to start writing about this, and they need to get it right.

In Sioux Falls, 90% or more of the people grocery shopping - and the clerks - are wearing masks and gloves. The aisles in grocery stores are all one way, and they have 6-foot markers on the floors. But most people are not wearing masks / gloves outside for walks or exercise (including myself) because your glasses fog up and God knows we have plenty of fresh air because here the wind never stops.

Norwegian Stoicism - In other parts of South Dakota, however, most people are NOT wearing masks or gloves anywhere. And it's business as usual regarding the number of people in the store, etc. And in many areas, someone wearing a mask and gloves is considered pretty much a wuss. They receive rolled eyes or a little sad chuckle: the Norwegian Lutheran version of the Southern "Bless your heart" - which is not a blessing. Of course, the average Norwegian / German / etc. Lutherans are by and large a stoic lot and expect everyone else to be the same. Another reason for no masks / gloves: these are the same people who'll be out in sub-zero weather without hat or gloves, because they can take it. 

Libertarians - From the get-go of COVID-19 in our state (currently 1,858 cases, 1,659 in Sioux Falls) our Governor, Kristi Noem, has only given directives, and will not put in place official shut-down orders of any kind for any location. "We're not New York", which is pretty much the mantra of many rural areas. Apparently this gives some kind of immunity except in Sioux Falls, which is an urban area, so what do you expect?  

BTW - one surprising thing is that many people aren't thinking about what happens if Sioux Falls does go all New York City, overwhelmed by cases and deaths. The truth is, if that happens, the whole state of South Dakota is screwed, medically, because guess who's the health care center of the state?  Avera McKennan and Sanford hospitals and all their clinics are here. Where all patients with serious health issues are brought. When Allan had his heart attack in 2010, they airlifted him from Madison, SD to Sioux Falls for (successful) surgery. What happens if there are no beds because COVID-19? 

Mayor TenHaken tried to get a stay-at-home order for Sioux Falls, but he couldn't get the Sioux Falls city councillors (made up mostly of business owners) to back him, nor some residents, who were "concerned that it violates constitutional rights, is difficult to enforce and will bankrupt business barely holding on as it is. And one pastor called it "a massive government overreach." (Argus Leader) (On the other hand, the front-line workers want it, and want it NOW.)

Last night, the city council agreed to a "no lingering" ordinance and expanding and enforcing the rule of 10 or less for gatherings.  But the same people showed up to protest:

Some said they were concerned about what the measures had done to the economy. Some said they didn't believe the virus was really a threat at all, citing stories they'd seen online. Former political candidate Lora Hubbel questioned the credentials of Public Health Director Jill Franken and asked why the public was listening to doctors "who are not elected officials." - (Argus Leader)

Economics!

“After all, the chief business of the American people is business. They are profoundly concerned with producing, buying, selling, investing and prospering in the world." - Calvin Coolidge, Jan. 27, 1925.

Oh, Cal, you don't know the half of it.

Fun fact:  The Park Jefferson International Speedway (above) in Jefferson, Union County, South Dakota, is going to host a dirt track racing event with up to 900 spectators this Saturday.  Our Governor, bless her heart, will not lift a finger to stop it, but did "strongly recommend" that no one go.  And Union County officials, including the Sheriff, say they can't do a thing to stop it from happening.  (Argus Leader)

Further fun fact:  The Sturgis Motorcycle Rally is coming up in August.  This hosts about 500,000 bikers annually, and they spend a lot of money on concerts, concessionaires, etc.  How many people believe that our Governor will stop it?  Or the city councilors of Sturgis, SD?  Pray for us.  But also for yourselves, because most of those 500,000 are from out of state, and they do go home eventually.

Religious - As someone told me, "Why is everyone so afraid? If you're a true Christian, you shouldn't be afraid of anything, because everything is in God's hands." To which I replied, "Gethesemane." (see Matthew 26:39) Which was a polite way of avoiding screaming, "WE ALL GET AFRAID SOMETIMES.  EVEN JESUS."
I detest people who try to be holier than Jesus, I really do. Life is hard enough as it is.
Reminder:  "Courage is fear that has said its prayers."   

Media driven - There is a distinct difference between the Fox News / Sean Hannity / Rush Limbaugh / OANN / QAnon crowd and the rest of us. Those 6 weeks of presidential golfing and rallies - with the full on support, encouragement, denial, and general "it's nothing!" of Fox News, etc. - pretty much poisoned the well. Today, most of those media consumers still don't believe that COVID-19 is anything more than just another flu, and everyone should just go ahead and get exposed to it.  In the immortal words of Bill O'Reilly, “Many people who are dying, both here and around the world, were on their last legs anyway." (Hill)  So let's let everyone get it, get herd immunity, and whoever dies, dies. 

NOTE: What's interesting to me is that most of the people who are in denial are the same people who are hoarding. "Well, I thought I might as well pick up that extra bale of toilet paper..."  

And as for the young people - well, when you're a teenager you think you're bulletproof and invulnerable. I remember it well.  God bless you, and there's a reason I'm staying on the other side of the street.  

Good Stuff:  On the other hand, people are volunteering, in various ways. They're sewing masks, running errands for the elderly, sending cards, making posters, and helping at food banks. They are Zooming and GoToMeetings and calling like crazy.  (BTW:  FUND THE USPS!)  There's a lot of good going on. A lot of helping. A lot of prayer. And a wonderful team of doctors (including a godson), nurses (including a goddaughter), grocery clerks, USPS workers, police (BTW, here in Sioux Falls, the Chief of Police, a police captain, two lieutenants, a sergeant, an officer and three civilian employees all have the virus), and other front-line workers.  Please pray for them all. 

But now let's talk about possible future mysteries, thrillers, sci-fi, etc.  

• Robberies - well, when almost everyone's staying home, how well does B&E work?  However, I'd like to point out that cars must be feeling fairly abandoned.  (You would be amazed at the number of guns that are stolen out of unlocked cars every month up here...  it got to the point that one of the City Councilors even proposed penalizing gun owners who didn't lock their guns in their vehicles.)
• Kidnapping - Besides the obvious who's going to know who's gone if no one's going out, here's a little scenario.  If plasma treatment is the only thing that works for a while (or longer), what if a group of billionaires - like the ones at Saint-Tropez - with their own medical facilities at their own compound hire / co-opt / acquire recovered COVID-19 patients for future treatment?  (WaPo)  (Might be time to re-watch Jim Jarmusch's "Only Lovers Left Alive"...)
• Scams - going full throttle.  Invent your own, every one else does!
• Murder - Well, there's lots of opportunities, as always.  Even more, what with the effects of COVID-19 on a body, and the lack of time for autopsies in a pandemic.  And I think it was Brendan DuBois who pointed out on Facebook that giving unregulated medicine to an irritating spouse might be one way of getting away with getting rid of them...  
• And how does the prevalence, indeed in some places, requirement of masks add to these scenarios and more?  

Strange times.

Stay safe, stay well, stay home.

The Unreliable Narrative

Preface
My apologies. This is unavoidably political, in the larger sense, but not a polemic. It's about grief.

***

Something is happening in this country, with regard to the coronavirus. If it were fiction, we could call it multiple POV, a chorus of voices competing for our attention.

The unreliable narrator is a longtime convention, in mysteries particularly, a famous example being The Murder of Roger Ackroyd, or more recently, Gone Girl. All the same, in fiction as (we hope) in life, our suspension of disbelief depends on accepting certain ground rules, and at the least an agreed-upon reality, a common yardstick.

So the question is, how do we engage, how do we maintain a sense of balance, or of structure, if the narrative keeps contradicting itself? In other words, how do we manage doubt? To return to the fictional model, mystery stories are inherently conservative, in that the crime, usually murder, violates the social contract, and resolution restores it. Even in noir, retribution is orthodox and rigid, a setting-right, with something almost Greek in its penalties, the appetites of the Furies satisfied. But if no weight is put on the scales, and no balance is required, nothing is restored. Order is relative, not absolute.

We have, in this strange political theater, not so much an unreliable narrator as an unreliable narrative, a story taken out of context. Exit, pursued by a bear. And this isn't simply one or the other, my way or the highway. It's a hall of mirrors, reflecting many alternatives.

In fiction, again, in fairy tales or fantasy, dystopian or post-Apocalyptic, mysteries, thrillers, cozies or Gothic or paranormal, the most outrageous or outlandish conceits can be convincing, if they're internally consistent. This is the most basic rule. You can bend time, or the laws of physics, you can disregard every convention except the one: that similar acts have similar consequences. 

We each and all, of course, believe we see reality. We might very well believe we see the only reality. This is certainly delusional, but it's comforting nonetheless. We have very little tolerance of ambiguity. Quite probably our belief systems are grounded in self-image, or our sense of self is reinforced by belief, two things integrated. I suspect we choose a reality out of necessity, and yours can conflict with mine, because they're mutually exclusive.

Darwin may sort this out for us, survival of the fittest being adaptive, not necessarily predatory. Then again, you might not believe in natural selection, you might prefer a different model, that we are Chosen. Either way, the rough numbers come out about the same.

The astonishing thing, to me, is that unlike a fiction, life is essentially messy, and has no shape or storyline, other than what we impose. To imagine that reality - as an absolute, not a construct - pays any attention to us is no more than vanity. And to pretend that we can pick and choose which reality we inhabit is foolhardy, although that seems to be the human experience, if history's any judge. More astonishing is the lesson fiction teaches us, in that we use stories to impose order, that narrative, or history, is necessary. Like sunlight, physically and psychologically.

All the crazier, then, that what we're seeing in our body politic, and the breakdown of our national conversation, is that chaos is self-inflicted. We've agreed to it.

***

Postscript
This, from The Atlantic, may be paywalled. I recommend it.
https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2020/06/underlying-conditions/610261/

It Don’t Mean a Thing If It Ain’t Got That Swing

Can music be noir? I think so. And Nat King Cole’s song The Blues Don't Care (written by Vic Abrams and Murry Berlin) is a good example, judging by the lyrics:

The blues don’t care who’s got ’em,
The blues don’t care who cries,
And the nights don’t care who’s lonely,
Or whose tears are in whose eyes.

When someone’s heart is broken,
The blues are not to blame,
’Cause the blues don’t care who’s got ’em,
So they just added my name.

(final verse is at the end of this piece)


The blues might not care whose got ’em, but I do: Bobby Saxon, the lead character in my upcoming novel The Blues Don’t Care.

The story takes place in the 1940s on the Los Angeles home front during World War II. It’s about a young piano player named Bobby Saxon who wants to play with the house band at the famous Club Alabam on Central Avenue, the heart of black life in L.A. If Bobby gets the gig he would be the only white player in the otherwise all-black band. And if that isn’t enough, in order to get the gig the leader asks Bobby to play detective and help clear one of the band members of a murder he is falsely accused of.

Duke Ellington and his orchestra

And while the book deals with some controversial issues in the context of a historical mystery-thriller it also explores the zeitgeist of the times. And part of that zeitgeist is the music. Both the music Bobby listens to and plays in the story and the music in general, big band, swing, torch songs. Music that I’ve grown to love over the years.

Herb Jeffries

When I was a kid, my dad would play swing music on the radio. I hated it. I wanted to listen to rock ‘n’ roll. I also got to see Benny Goodman, though maybe I didn’t appreciate it as much as if I’d seen him later on. But maybe having been exposed to it it came back to me later on, especially after watching old movies from the 30s and 40s that sometimes included that music. Then, as adults, my friend Linda and I got into swing music and would go to swing dances and concerts at various venues and even went to see many bands or singers from that era that were still around. We got to see Bob Eberly and Helen O’Connell sing Tangerine and Brazil. We saw Tex Beneke lead the Glenn Miller Orchestra. I got to see Johnny Otis, who took over as band leader of the house band at the Club Alabam, though I would have loved to see him there.

Benny Goodman and his orchestra

Doing the “research” for the book, especially listening to the music and watching the movies from the era, wasn’t exactly torture for me. One problem though was that I wanted the title to be The Blues Don’t Care. And I wanted that to figure at least a little bit into the story. But, as far as I could tell the song was released much later than the time frame of the story, which led me to believe it might have been written later, too. So how to get around that problem? Artistic License: we see the songwriter working on an early version of the song in the Club Alabam in the course of the story. Problem solved…I hope.

Duke Ellington and his orchestra

So, here’s some songs from the 30s and 40s that Bobby might be listening to. Also good for background music, mood music if you’re writing something set during that time or just for your enjoyment. Or maybe even to read The Blues Don’t Care by.

Duke Ellington – Almost anything by him is worth a listen. But you might want to start with the terrific Take the A Train.

Jimmy Dorsey – Half of the famous battling Dorsey brothers. I particularly like his sound. And it’s with him that Bob Eberly and Helen O’Connell sang their classics Brazil and Tangerine and other songs.

Bob Eberly and Helen O'Connell

Cab Calloway – A character over many decades. He even has a cameo in a Janet Jackson video: Alright, a great song and video, too. Also featuring the Nicholas Brothers and Cyd Charisse.

Billie Holiday – Take your pick. Too many great ones to choose from.

Herb Jeffries – AKA the Bronze Buckaroo, since he starred western “race movies”. His song Flamingo, recorded with Duke Ellington, is a classic and he even makes a cameo singing it in the novel.

Freddy Martin – Band leader, who for a time employed future talk show host and Jeopardy creator Merv Griffin as a singer with his band. And who maybe is an odd choice here. But I saw a clip of his band doing a two-piano piece called La Tempesta that is pretty amazing. And, since Bobby is a piano player this becomes his signature piece. I wish I could find a clip now.

Artie Shaw – Frenesi and Begin the Beguine: Two classics from the era.

The Andrews Sisters – Check out Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy, but don’t stop there.

Tommy Dorsey – Opus One, I’ll Never Smile Again (vocals by Sinatra).

Lena Horne – Stormy Weather: What can you say—a classic.

Vera Lynn – The Forces Sweetheart in England. She sang a lot of popular songs during the war: I’ll Be Seeing You, We’ll Meet Again, The White Cliffs of Dover (written by Glenn Miller and Ray Eberle, which surprised me).

Kay Kyser and his Orchestra – Praise the Lord and Pass the Ammunition.

Spike Jones and Donald Duck – Der Fuehrer’s Face. Satirical, funny song, that was born in a Donald Duck cartoon and made even more famous by Spike. You get a two-fer here, both versions: Mr. Spike: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lWF8iRCan7I

Mr. Duck:

Louis Jordan – G.I. Jive, written by Johnny Mercer. Recorded by many. Louis Jordan had a #1 hit with it.

Harry James – Sleepy Lagoon, from which the infamous Sleepy Lagoon incident took its name.

Benny Goodman – Sing Sing Sing, just an amazing and rousing piece of music. To me it’s sexier than some modern music with risqué lyrics. If this doesn’t get you at least tapping your toes you’re dead. And with Gene Krupa on drums, Harry James on trumpet and a band that can’t be beat. It was the Goodman band’s appearance at the Palomar Ballroom (in L.A. I might add) that really jump started the swing craze.

Count Basie – One O’Clock Jump, Basie’s theme song.

Glenn Miller – One of the most popular band leaders of the time, if not the most popular. Definitely the latter to listen to my mother. In the Mood was one of his biggest hits.

There’s so many more. It was really hard narrowing it down.

And here’s the last verse of Nat King Cole’s song:

And the nights don’t care who’s lonely,
Or whose tears are in whose eyes,
When someone’s heart is broken,
The blues are not to blame,
’Cause the blues don’t care who’s got ’em,
So they just added my name. 

If that isn’t noir I don’t know what is.

This is an album I got in the days of vinyl that I think is a pretty good starter collection and I think you can get it streaming:

So, like I said. It was pure torture listening to all this great music. Research, you know.

~.~.~

And now for the usual BSP:

Frank Zafiro grilled me for the Wrong Place, Write Crime podcast. I survived...and so did he. Hope you'll want to check it out. (And thanks for having me, Frank!)

https://soundcloud.com/frank-zafiro-953165087/episode-75-open-shut-w-paul-d-marks


Coming June 1st from Down & Out Books – The Blues Don't Care:

 “Paul D. Marks finds new gold in 40s’ L.A. noir while exploring prejudices in race, culture, and sexual identity. He is one helluva writer.”
                                                               —Michael Sears, author of the Jason Stafford series

Please join me on Facebook: www.facebook.com/paul.d.marks and check out my website  www.PaulDMarks.com

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The Starless Sea

Although most of my writing has been mystery novels and short stories, I have also published a number of contemporary novels, as well as short stories in other genres. For this reason, I am always interested in novels that combine genres or generally break the usual compositional rules.
Erin Morgenstern's The Starless Sea, a love letter to reading, books, and stories of all types, is a fine example. Distinguished by an intricate plot that mixes myth, fable, adventure, and mystery, its greatest strength turns out to be an incredibly detailed and imaginative setting.

That's right, setting.

We like to say that character and plot are absolute keys to success and normally they are. In the case of The Starless Sea, however, while the plot is effective and the protagonists, likable enough, what one is apt to remember is the creation of an alternate world, dominated by books and stories, far beneath our feet.

Clearly this world, without sun or visible means of ventilation or food production has many, many implausibilities, not to mention the sea of honey, the bees, the Owl King, the seemingly wise cats, and the immortal Keeper. But never doubt the power of a good storyteller. The Harbor where Zachery Ezra Rawlins enters (via an elevator in New York's Central Park) is described with such precision and such a wealth of detail, that it is easy to suspend disbelief. And well worthwhile, too, because that alternate world is where the various stories, some no more than a page or two, some newly-invented fairy tales, and some full-fledged adventures, all come together.

Zachery is a graduate student in Emerging Media, who finds that all he really wants to do is read after a romance goes sour. Scanning his university library's bookshelves, he chances upon Sweet Sorrows, an anonymous volume from a mysterious donor, that recounts an incident in his own life. This triggers a bibliographic mystery, which, in turn, leads him to adventures with members of a mysterious society and their enemies; to Dorian, to whom he will lose his heart, and to Mirabel who may be human or may be a metaphor, but who knows her way around the starless sea and its harbors.

Zachery winds up below ground, while in the upper world, life goes on for people like his friend Kat, an aspiring game designer also enthralled by fiction. At the same time, in another dimension, one of fables and myths, various stories unfold, interesting oddities what will all be eventually pulled into the overall narrative. This complicated structure must have presented many challenges for the author, but the breaks have a useful function. They interrupt what might have become an overly claustrophobic and precious atmosphere of the vast libraries of the starless sea venues, whose very physical structures are sometimes devised from stories on paper.

The narrative spine is provided by Zachery's adventures, interwoven with the experiences of the heroic Dorian; of Eleanor, who literally fell into the Harbor as a young child and of Simon, later her lover and man lost out of time, along with appearances by the enigmatic Mirabel and her antagonist Allegra, the Painter, who wants to preserve a world that both Mirabel and the Keeper know is in decline.

Erin Morgenstern

The line of the novel only becomes clear in its closing stages, but the adventures of the main characters prove strong enough to support the weight of fantasy and myth and, yes, the many metaphors, that fill the book. A clue to the author's ambitions comes when Kat reflects on the type of game she would like to construct: " Part spy movie, part fairy tale, part choose your own adventure. Epic branching story that doesn't stick to a single genre or one set path..." She concludes, "A book is made of paper but a story is a tree."

So speaks the video gamer.

But in The Starless Sea Erin Morgenstern has done something similar the old fashioned way with print on paper.

Florida by the Numbers

Thursday, a hundred rankled Orange County protestors and children converged on Orlando City Hall to demand an end to government stay-home oppression. They cried out against the horrors of forced unlabor. They sought to be loosed from the bonds of dictatorial rule and set free. And Mike Huckabee clamored in Florida courts to be unshackled from the Orwellian tyranny that required him to follow laws like ordinary, common citizens. He needed to be liberated from onerous beach-front activity restraints because… something.

When Michigan activists protested in drive-in Operation Gridlock, police noted that in their cars, citizens were inadvertently practicing safe, social distancing. Not so in Orlando, where unmasked citrus cankers breathed and sneezed and coughed at will. The numbers can’t be real: 2⅓-million cases globally, 33 383 in Canada, ¾-million in the US, 25½-thousand in Florida, 3000+ in Central Florida– apparently fake news, including 78 local deaths.

The last time I agreed with Orlando Mayor Buddy Dyer was, um, pretty much never, but damn, folks. We’re trying to save lives.

Central Floridians took matters a step further into the Twilight Zone. They contend Dr. Anthony Fauci is a lying, malevolent hoaxer who inexplicably holds the President’s ear, deliberately wreaking havoc at the Federal level. Fauci’s motives are, um, deep state, Obamacare-coddling, and a really nasty infection that afflicted Florida’s governor. Whatever, it demanded protesting.

By the Numbers

Politicians may choose to ignore the science, but it’s difficult to ignore the math. Updating as you read this, the count of cases and deaths are spooky.

Say, each coronavirus victim infects two other people, and those two each infect two others, etc. It doubles exponentially. (The reality is closer to 2½×, but 2× is scary enough and much easier to calculate.)

In an ancient tale from Persia (or India), a king agreed to pay the inventor of chess in rice, one grain on the 1^st square of the chessboard, double that (two) on the 2^nd square, double again (four) on the 3^rd square, and so on for all sixty-four squares. Beginning with Square Zero (think Patient Zero) each square would contain:

№		results in…		№		results in…		№		results in…
0		1		22		4 194 304		44		17 592 186 044 416
1		2		23		8 388 608		45		35 184 372 088 832
2		4		24		16 777 216		46		70 368 744 177 664
3		8		25		33 554 432		47		140 737 488 355 328
4		16		26		67 108 864		48		281 474 976 710 656
5		32		27		134 217 728		49		562 949 953 421 312
6		64		28		268 435 456		50		1 125 899 906 842 624
7		128		29		536 870 912		51		2 251 799 813 685 248
8		256		30		1 073 741 824		52		4 503 599 627 370 496
9		512		31		2 147 483 648		53		9 007 199 254 740 992
10		1 024		32		4 294 967 296		54		18 014 398 509 481 984
11		2 048		33		8 589 934 592		55		36 028 797 018 963 968
12		4 096		34		17 179 869 184		56		72 057 594 037 927 936
13		8 192		35		34 359 738 368		57		144 115 188 075 855 872
14		16 384		36		68 719 476 736		58		288 230 376 151 711 744
15		32 768		37		137 438 953 472		59		576 460 752 303 423 488
16		65 536		38		274 877 906 944		60		1 152 921 504 606 846 976
17		131 072		39		549 755 813 888		61		2 305 843 009 213 693 952
18		262 144		40		1 099 511 627 776		62		4 611 686 018 427 387 904
19		524 288		41		2 199 023 255 552		63		9 223 372 036 854 775 808
20		1 048 576		42		4 398 046 511 104				total:
21		2 097 152		43		8 796 093 022 208		•		18 446 744 073 709 551 615

The total, my children, if your eyes haven’t glazed over, is 2⁶⁴-1, or 18 446 744 073 709 551 615, eighteen quintillion. Legends disagree whether the king made the maths wiz an economic advisor or executed the smartass.

The numbers, which start out relatively flat, soon zoom out of control. Relating to coronavirus, say the 10^th generation victims infect a thousand more and the 12^th another four thousand. The 20^th level infects one million and the 30^th one trillion. This is why it’s critical to disrupt the spread by masks, isolation, thorough cleansing, and sterilizing public places like Washington. But you knew that, right?

Please take care.

The Left Behind

Many are all atwitter about stimulus checks and several states have moved to protect landlords and tenants. In the rush to pass legislation, Congress and legislatures overlooked some citizens, including many college students and working teens. But here an Florida, another group in dire need has been forgotten. Sean Baker even made a movie about them starring Willem Dafoe.

Stay safe and read on…

Downer Endings

As most of you know, we at this blog usually write about (1) mysteries or (2) writing or (3) mystery writing. And when the subject is writing, I've noticed that it's usually about either our own creations or about what it is that makes fiction (stories/novels/movies) effective and interesting and entertaining. (As if we know.)

Today I want to talk about stories that don't have happy endings. Movies, specifically. There are of course many of those, and some have endings that aren't just sad, they're downright depressing. Yes, I know, that might not be a good topic to focus on right now, during these uncertain times, but hey, I needed something to post today. Velma, our secretary and first-sergeant here at SleuthSayers, gets grumpy if I don't turn in my column.

For the record, I've always felt that the end of a story doesn't have to be either happy or sad (or even totally believable--look at The Black Stallion, or The African Queen)--but it does have to be satisfying. Every good story needs a problem for the hero/heroine to solve, and if by the end of the tale he doesn't get what he's been seeking, whether it's love or treasure or freedom or redemption or the world championship or whatever, the audience needs to understand why. Some of my favorite movies have clear, positive, cowboy-in-the-white-hat-wins endings. Everybody likes those. Other favorites of mine--Witness, Casablanca, Rocky, Vertigo, Hombre, Chinatown, Rain Man, and many others--end with the hero not getting what he wanted, or what he thought he wanted. But with those stories there was always a reason for that failure, and usually the outcome was for the greater good, or to teach him (and/or the audience) a life lesson. In Dead Poets Society, to mention just one example, the hero is fired from his job, but because of the way it was done the viewer leaves the theater feeling uplifted.

I once heard there are two words that come to mind when the subject is depressing endings: foreign films. That of course isn't always true, but I had to throw it in.

With regard to downer endings in general, I think they come in several flavors:



1. The death of the hero

Cool Hand Luke
Thelma and Louise
Braveheart
Saving Private Ryan
Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid
Love Story
Bonnie and Clyde
Shane
Easy Rider
The Room
The Wild Bunch
Gran Torino

2. A continuation of the disaster/crisis

On the Beach
Night of the Living Dead
Invasion of the Body Snatchers
Melancholia
Cloverfield
Fail-Safe
I Am Legend
The Happening
The Birds
Miracle Mile
The Road

3. An unresolved ending

No Country for Old Men
The French Connection
Blade Runner
2001: A Space Odyssey
Inception
The Blair Witch Project
The Wrestler
Doubt
Taxi Driver
The Florida Project

Barton Fink


4. A surprise ending

Shutter Island
The Mist
Planet of the Apes
Primal Fear
Fight Club
10 Cloverfield Lane
The Departed
Atonement
Seven
Soylent Green


NOTE: In my opinion, some of the above (Shane, No Country for Old Men, Seven, The Wild Bunch, Fail-Safe, etc.) were extremely good movies and some (The Happening, The Room, Love Story) were not. This isn't about good or bad or my idea of good or bad; we're just talking about endings.



Not that it matters, but I think the movie that had the most depressing ending ever was The Mist--probably because it was both tragic and needless. I enjoyed the story, but boy that ending was a punch in the gut. If you've seen it, you know what I mean. The odd thing is, the Stephen King novella from which it was adapted wasn't as bleak at the end. (On the flip side, the movie Cujo ended happy and King's novel Cujo ended sad.) The second most depressing ending I can remember was to one of the most depressing movies I've ever seen: They Shoot Horses, Don't They? But it was also satisfying in that it explained with crystal clarity, in its final thirty seconds, its mysterious title.

One more observation: Some movies with depressing subjects have upbeat endings (The Shawshank Redemption, Deep Impact, Ghost, Oklahoma Crude, Stand By Me); some fairly upbeat movies have depressing endings (Somewhere in Time, Titanic, King Kong, Million Dollar Baby); and let's face it, some depressing movies have depressing endings (Leaving Las Vegas, The Road, They Shoot Horses, The Elephant Man, The Wrestler, Requiem for a Dream). Something for all tastes.

How do you feel about all this? What are some of your favorite downer endings? Which are the worst? Have you ever seen an otherwise good movie whose ending ruined it? Ever seen an otherwise bad movie whose ending saved it? How about those that started bad and went steadily downhill? Have any of your own stories and novels ended with a letdown?

I suppose, since I have nothing positive to add, that's the way I'm ending this column.

Stay safe!

Hack This

Manipulating time, space, characters, and settings are several of the logistical elements fiction writers juggle while revealing their story.

A story's minutia may not be as challenging to manage when an author writes chronologically. However, when the structure is more complicated, such as bouncing back and forth in time or by telling the story through multiple point of view characters, keeping track of details such as who did what, when and where can be tricky. How did the crime unfold? At what point did which character know which clue?

If you're lucky, any mix-up made will be passed off as a red herring. If not, you risk unwanted confusion, killing suspense, drawing the reader out of the story, or potentially spoiling a twist.  Savvy readers will call you out on your goofs every time.  Ouch.

What's a detail-challenged mystery writer to do?

Whether you are embarking on a new project or already revising, here are a few hacks that have helped me keep my writerly ducks in a row.

Write chronologically. I'm a chronic Plotter (except for the one novel I attempted to Pantster my way through, but I'll save that fiasco for another post). No matter how I envision the structure unfolding, I always write my first draft of any story chronologically. By doing so, each character--by default-- will never know more than what I've already revealed in the story/backstory. It also helps to keep my insider plotting information from seeping out too soon.

Color-coded sticky notes. I've written two (not yet published) novels and several short stories, which all utilized a time-hopping before/after narrative. Before and after what, you may ask? Usually some traumatic event.  In on particular novel, I braided three point-of-view characters on this before/after sequence and quickly learned I was juggling more than just a story-line. As you can imagine, each character's emotions, voice, and perspective, changed substantially before and after said event. Only a few chapters in, I soon realized that keeping track of six different voices was chaotic ambitious.

What did I do? I resurrected a favorite time-honored analog technique--sticky notes and a long piece of yarn. In this image of my dining room table, the horizontal blue yarn represented the novel's traumatic event (in this case, the death of one of the POV characters), all the notes above the yarn represent chapters occurring after said event, and all the notes beneath the yarn occurred before.  No surprise, each POV character has their own color (blue, orange, or yellow), and on the face of each note, I list the chapter's primary plot developments.  Here's my hack: I numbered each sticky note in their alternating before/after chapter sequence that I expected for the final draft, but then reordered them chronologically (all the *before* sticky notes followed by all the *after* ones) to finish writing my first draft.  Voila!

Graph Paper Timeline. In my work in progress thriller novel, the historical narrative spanned four generations of Slovak women surviving world wars, German occupation, and communist oppression. Even though I wrote the scenes chronologically, setting a fictional family among the first world atrocities of the twentieth century, I needed to be extra careful remembering which character had a living memory of current and past events. This time, my dining room table wasn't long enough for all the sticky notes I'd need for a one hundred year guide.

Instead, I taped together several pieces of graph paper. Each square represented one year, segmented off in five-year intervals.

Below my horizontal black timeline are all the European historical events I felt relevant enough to impact my characters' (fictional) lives. Above the line are the lifespans of my novel's primary characters (each is assigned a different color), which identified their major milestones (birth, marriage, children, death).

Finally, I drew vertical black lines intersecting my fictional and non-fiction events, one per historical chapter. This way, I was able to keep track of what current and historical details my characters would have known at any give chapter. Anything to the right hadn't happened yet. I found my timeline hack to be especially helpful during my not-so-linear revision process.

While nothing beats a good editor, fact-checker, or critique partner, creating scaffolding for your story can help you manage the unwieldy business of building a fictional world.

What writer hacks do you lean on to keep track of details?


PS – Let's be social:

• Twitter- @KKMHOO
• Facebook-  Kristin Kisska
• Instagram - @KristinKisskaAuthor
• Website- KristinKisska.com

The Pros and Cons of Tinnitus

I've written on this blog a number of times about the scourge of tinnitus, and how I've had to maneuver around it since I was four years old. I had German measles, and the resultant high fever did the nerve damage which has given me the constant companion of a ringing sound in my left ear for the fifty-one years since. If you'd like more general background on my battle to concentrate and actually write with this constant distraction in my head, you can find it at the other end of this link. If you're interested in hearing about the toll tinnitus takes on me, how exhausting it can be battling through it to really listen to others (a big part of my day gig) and yet how important it is to do precisely that, you can find that discussion here.

Today's post, while tinnitus-related, is a bit different. And in these trying times, when we need good things to talk about, let me just say this: this post is all about the positives.

Like George Benson. More on him in a bit. And my life-long love of music. More on that in a bit, too.

Yep. This guy.

"Positives and tinnitus," you say. And I hear your skepticism. But bear with me.

As I mentioned before in one of my previous posts on the subject: "I'm not saying there is anything good about having tinnitus. There isn't. It's a plague. I don't actually know what silence sounds like. And in addition to the ringing, I have significant hearing loss in my left ear."

The post I'm quoting from (which, again, can be found in its entirety here) was all about how tinnitus forced me to learn to be a better listener, to be more attentive, in all the forms that word itself takes. And while I still believe all of the above, that's not the positive I'm laying out here.

I reconciled myself to never being without tinnitus for even one second of my life many years ago. In my twenties, thirties and forties, I even began to be able to tune it out.

Until I became a father.

My son (who is turning eight in a couple of months) had a piercing shriek as a toddler which brought my tinnitus roaring back into the forefront of my hearing range. In the years since he learned to walk and stopped shrieking at that particularly maddening frequency, I've struggled to relegate tinnitus once more to the background. The ringing monster, it seems, is strong, and it's also pretty relentless.

This is not to say I can't do that. And it has gotten easier to do over time. Then again, it's always with me.

Or it was, until a week ago. (And at last we come, after a couple of false starts, to the true positive in this post!)

No, my tinnitus isn't cured. It's just been mitigated.

I now know what it's like to not hear tinnitus. And I have audio technology to thank.

I still don't hear silence. But thanks to a combination of the best streaming service out there and a birthday gift I recently gave myself, I can now hear a whole lot of what I've been missing (hearing loss, too, remember?), and tinnitus-free.

TIDAL

I subscribe to TIDAL, which is the brainchild of rapper and music mogul Jay-Z. As streaming services go, it's pretty impressive on a number of levels. Its profit-sharing model is far more generous to the musicians who generate the content it peddles to listeners like me, and I like that. The same cannot be said of Spotify (which is why Taylor Swift famously and unceremoniously pulled her content from that service several years back), Apple and Amazon Music, or any of the others out there. TIDAL also has a HiFi lossless audio option (for an in-depth discussion of digital music compression, and what lossless audio actually is, and how it's far superior to standard compression, click here for a link to an old CNET article which is worth your time and trouble.). For our purposes, and in the interest of brevity, suffice it to say that most of the processes of digitizing the sounds made by instruments, including the human voice, flattens out the sound at levels human beings aren't supposed to notice.

However, many of us do. Digital audio often feels flat to me. Like alot of medieval art, there isn't much depth of field to it. All of the elements come across at the same size and the same level, with no perspective, per se. I also often picture the experience of listening to digital music sliding across the surface of a glass table.

On the other hand you have lossless audio. Like vinyl before it, lossless audio preserves the topography of recorded sound, giving it the fullness, depth and richness that digital music can't match.

And nobody wants to see this

And yes, I know, we as a society make fun of "vinyl snobs," dismissing people who prefer its sound, and rhapsodize at tiresome length about it, applying awkwardly fitting adjectives such as "warmth," etc., as somehow pretentious. They're frequently grouped in with lovers of hipster beards or man buns.

Well, I'm none of those. I'm a mid-fifties music lover with low-end hearing loss and a constant ringing in my left ear. So if there's a music delivery system out there which is technologically advanced enough to help me reshuffle the aural deck which has been stacked against me since before I started kindergarten, guess what? I'm all in.

Which is why I pay $19.99 per month for TIDAL's "HiFi Lossless Audio" option. Paired with my Sonos speaker system, it's helped me hear things I might otherwise miss. In fact the Sonos soundbar my wife recently helped me sync up with the television in our living room has helped make it so I don't need the subtitles. Not even for the British stuff!

Yep, clear as a bell, and with a Yorkshire accent, that is saying something!

This experience got me thinking: if Sonos could help, what might the right pair of headphones do to help me experience sound more like people with normal hearing levels did?

As it turns out, a whole lot.

So I stared doing research. I have some great 1MORE bluetooth earbuds and a pair of Beats headphones which are wonderful for shutting out extraneous noise when I'm in a loud room. But what about headphones intended solely to enhance the sound piping through them, as opposed to those intended (like my Beats and my wife's awesome Bose headphones) to cancel outside noise?

Enter Massdrop and Sennheiser. These two companies joined forces on the Massdrop X Sennheiser HD 6XX headphones. They're open-backed, so, as the dozens of reviews I pored over noted, they wouldn't be all that effective in a noisy room. But then, the noise I was looking for them to cancel out isn't external.

They're priced on the low end for "high end" headphones, and stack up well against other models which retail for five times their price. So I decided to take a risk and get them as a birthday present to myself.

The result? Well, let me sum up with an excerpt from the conversation I had with myself after giving these beauties a try:

"How did I know...this was just what I always wanted? I am so thoughtful! Thank me....very much...."

All kidding aside, I have to say, when I got these headphones out of the box, plugged in and gave them a test, I honestly got emotional. My wife was sitting right next to me, and saw me tear up. The experience was that powerful.

And that's where George Benson comes in. I chose his song "Give Me The Night" as my first listen with these new headphones.

Now, this song came out in 1980. Over the intervening forty years I have listened to it at least hundreds, perhaps thousands of times. And yet, with  the combination of these headphones and the lossless audio, I was hearing this song for the first time.

Suddenly I could hear instruments which had always been buried too deeply in the mix for me with my hearing impairment, to ever pick out before. I was experiencing Benson's guitar riffs played alongside and beneath his vocal for the first time. AND, even more remarkable: I was not hearing any tinnitus in this "new" mix.

For the FIRST TIME since I was four years old!

So. Yeah. I got emotional.

Every now and again you hear about someone who has been deprived of one of their senses (usually sight) suddenly regaining all or part of that lost sense, and it's nearly always portrayed as an overwhelming experience. Well, I get that now. Because I've had that experience.

And while it's true that this enhancement to my hearing is only conditional and only part-time, and I'm still legally deaf in one of my ears most of the time, man, I will take it. I mean, imagine, if you will, getting back something which has been taken from you a piece at a time over decades, and getting it back all in one moment.

Because now I know what I've been missing all these years.

So, if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna wrap up for now. After all, I've got a lot of old favorites to hear all over again for the very first time.

See you in two weeks!

My Misadventure on West Thirty-Fifth Street

Yesterday the mysterious Press published The Misadventures of Nero Wolfe,  which Publishers Weekly described as, ahem, "superb."  And who am I to argue?

I have a story in the book and I am racking my brains to say anything about Rex Stout and his wonderful creation that I didn't say here or here or even here. 

So let's take a different approach.  Last year Josh Pachter told me he was going to be editing a book of  different authors' takes on the world's fattest master detective and asked if I had anything to contribute.

I had to regretfully decline.  I don't really write parodies and I am not such a fan of pastiches (which I define as writing another story in the style of an already existing body of work.)

But then I realized that there was a third possibility: a homage.  To me this means you muck around in another writer's universe but don't create another work of the type that writer has already produced.

It can be a subtle difference, I admit.   If I write another Sherlock Holmes story, attempting to keep as closely to Conan Doyle's style as possible, that's a pastiche.  But when Nicholas Meyer wrote The Seven Percent Solution, rewriting the history of Holmes and adding Sigmund Freud to the story, that was a homage.  Got it?

And it occurred to me that I could look at Wolfe and friends from a different viewpoint than Stout had done.  So I told Josh to give me a little time before he started the presses, so to speak.

An important fact about great literary characters: seen objectively a lot of them are annoying as hell.  Seriously, how long could you have tolerated the smug genius of Holmes before you strangled him?  How about Rumpole, Columbo, or House, M.D.?  Even Huckleberry Finn might have been pretty exasperating.  All of them are great to visit, but you sure  wouldn't want to live there.  As Ogden Nash wrote: "Philo Vance needs a kick in the pance."

Science fiction writer Robert Heinlein wrote a number of books about the Howard Families. To oversimplify, these are people who are much longer-lifed than most folks.  The one member of the group who never seems to age at all uses the name Lazarus Long and he is virtually worshipped by his fellows.

But, boy, he seems truly irritating to me.

In Heinlein's book The Cat Who Walks Through Walls, we finally see Long through the eyes of a non-Howard character and guess what? He loathes the guy.  I felt vindicated.   

So I wrote a story that looked at the residents of that famous brownstone on West 35th Street from the viewpoint of their neighbors who had to put up with late night meetings, the occasional shooting or bombing... And Josh made "The Damned Doorbell Rang" the last story in the book.

I call that superb.