22 September 2019

Florida News – Boobs, Bars, and T-Shirts


by Leigh Lundin

Florida postcard
An Eagle, a Fish, and a Dolphin walk into a sandbar

There’s this baseball game, see, and an osprey carrying a fish– ospreys look quite a bit like bald eagles– but, well, and this Dolphin catches the fish…

Wait. I’m way behind bringing news of the nation’s craziest state, stories both current and of recent history. Amaze your friends at your foresight not living in the land of the loony. Better read it for yourself.

To ride, you must be this high.

An out-of-state great-granny saves her shekels to vacation with her family at Walt Disney World. Like others her age, she suffers various aches and pains, shrugged off in a nation that hates to hand out pain medication. Fortunately, her home state of North Carolina allows her to medicate with CBD oil, an extract of cannabis, the hemp plant. Unfortunately, Florida forbids. A Disney security guard spots the bottle with tincture of THC and arrests the dangerous felon. The good news: our local controversial assistant state attorney, Aramis Ayala, refuses to prosecute.

Flintstone car © Hanna-Barbera
Yabba-Dabba-Doofus

Not just grandmothers. What other place would arrest Fred Flintstone for speeding? (Check the photos. I love the guy’s imagination, I really do.)

Battling Boobs

Waddya do when you think another mother dresses too sexily? You expose her, of course… literally.

Bouncing Boobs

Bouncing off the pavement, in fact. In the early morning hours, a drunk guy leaves strip bar and falls from his truck. Truck continues without driver, not good news.

And Still More Boobs

In the back of a police car, no less. Lordy, lordy, how drunk must one be. Thanks to Sharon for this one.

Revenge, a Dish best served with a Tip

Girl-boy argue. Girl takes boy’s credit card. Girl dines alone. Girl leaves tip. Girl arrested.

Facebook, I keep warning you!


Dummy burglars steal a safe. They can’t resist bragging on Facebook. Helpful hint: Cops visit Facebook too.

@ University of Tennesee T-shirt by Florida 4th grader
Volunteers

We go all the way to Tennessee to find a Florida feel-good story. A 4th grader who makes his own fan T-shirt finds himself derided by the mean girls. When the University of Tennessee hears about the bullying, they buy the design and offer the child a free scholarship eight years from now. Got to love my new favorite university.

8 comments:

janice law said...

I think that writers who live in Florida have an unfair advantage.

Paul D. Marks said...

Ditto what Janice said :-) .

R.T. Lawton said...

With these for examples, you'd think the gene pool would be thinning out faster.

Leigh Lundin said...

Janice and Paul, there's a positive spin on being out of touch with reality!

RT, you'd think, but the alligators and pythons, herpes-positive monkeys, and dubious death row convictions can't keep up.

A Broad Abroad said...

Still keeping us abreast of pertinent FL news, I see, Mr L.
Good to be back in the bosom of the SS family.
My cup runneth over.

Leigh Lundin said...

You almost threw me a curve, ABA. Glad to see you again! (hugs)

Lawrence Maddox said...

And there’s more! When I followed your Flintstone link, there was also footage of :a different Florida man dancing through (and failing) his field sobriety test; a nude Ocala man fleeing a car accident who stopped to urinate on a police car. Good times! Thanks for the fun news update, Leigh.

Leigh Lundin said...

Bless you, Larry. Just another day in the Sunstroke State.