28 September 2019

Being a Goddess Sucks When your Characters Won’t Behave… (warning: more silly stuff from Bad Girl)

(Dave, are you smiling down on me? My comedy is back)

Recently, my characters have become more mouthy.

I like to think of myself as their creator. Goddess material. Without me, they wouldn’t have a life on the page, or anywhere, for that matter. This should buy me a certain amount of respect, I figure. Sort of like you might give a minor deity. After all, I have created five series for them to live in.

Unfortunately, my characters haven’t bought into that. Worse, they seem to have cast me into the role of mother. That’s me: a necessary embarrassment for the perpetuation of their lives. And like all kids, they squabble. They fight with each other for attention. I liken it to sibling jealousy.

To wit: “You haven’t written about me lately,” says Rowena, star of Rowena Through the Wall.

I try to ignore the petulance in her voice.

“Been busy,” I mumble. “Gina (The Goddaughter) had to get married in Vegas. And Del, a relative of hers, started a vigilante group.”

“I don’t care if she started a rock group. You’re supposed to be writing MY story.”

I turn away from the keyboard and frown at her. “Listen, toots. You wouldn’t have any stories at ALL if it weren’t for me. You’ve had three books of adventures with men. A normal gal would be exhausted. So please be patient and wait your turn. Jennie had to suck it up for Worst Date Ever. Del and The B-Team were next in line. You can be after that, maybe.”

Maybe. I wasn’t going to tell her about the 6th Goddaughter book currently in the works.

“It’s not fair. I came first! Before all those silly mob comedies,” Row whines. “Don’t forget! I was the one who got you bestseller status.” She points at her ample chest.

“Hey!” says Gina, fresh from cannoli central. “And which book won the Derringer and the Arthur Ellis? Not some trashy old fantasy novel.”
“Who are YOU calling trashy?” says Rowena, balling her hands into fists. “Just because my bodice rips in every scene…”

“Like THAT isn’t a plot device,” chides Gina.

“Oh, PLEASE don’t fight,” says Jennie, the plucky romance heroine of Worst Date Ever. “I just want everyone to have a Happy Ever After. Can’t you do that for us all, Mom? Er…Melodie?”

I look at Del, from The B-Team. “What do you think?”

Del shrugs. “Sounds sucky. What kind of crap story would that be? Bugger, is that the time? I got a second story job that needs doing. Cover for me, will you? And this time, let me know if the cops start sniffing around.”
“Cops?” says Gina. “Crap! I’m outta here.”

“Cops?” says Rowena. “There’s that little matter of a dead body in book 2…” She vanishes.

“Cops?” says Jennie, hopefully. “OH! Is one of them single?”


(Don't tell Rowena…)


  1. LOVE IT! You can start characters on the path, but at some point, they take over your brain cells...

  2. Don't tell Rowena, huh? How much are you offering? I figure Rowena would pay big for the goods on you.

  3. Eve, you're a pro. You know we are only the vehicles for our characters' enjoyment.

  4. Barb, I spot you a drink (or three) at Malice, which hopefully I'll get to next year.

  5. What hath the goddess wrought? But methinks thou protesteth too much– ya love it.

    You got me thinking about the word 'ample', French, naturally, oo-la-la. The only times I recall use of the word is in business literature (ample resources) and bosoms (er, ample resources again). I don't recall ever hearing ample in conversation, even romances. "Oh my, Susie. You really is ample." The word has a lovely sound, especially in French, aahmm-pulllll. Thank you for promoting its use.

  6. Leigh, I'm sure I've used ample in conversations. You're apparently not hanging out with the right people. ;)

  7. Well, Leigh, what can I say. I come from a line of ample Italian gals, who never let you leave the table until you've had ample. Wait a minute. I'm not writing erotica anymore (slap upside the head)

  8. From one ample gal to another, Barb - grin. We sure are the right people, obviously.

  9. Fun read Melodie! I was lucky enough to go to an Elmore Leonard signing and he spent most of the time talking about winding up characters and letting them loose on the page.

  10. I think my characters took a few lessons from EL's, Lawrence!

  11. Congratulations on Rowena 15, Melodie.

    Cops...I'm outta here, too :-) .

  12. Paul, thank you! Book 15 is actually a new series - YA, called Crime Club. No worries. I won't tell the cops.


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