24 December 2012

Copping Out

by Fran Rizer


It's Christmas Eve, and I'm far too busy to write a blog today, but when bloggers simply use their column to pass along something they received in email, I think they are copping out. I self-righteously say, "I would NEVER do that!" I also feel disappointed (read that as "cheated") when the blog is very, very short. From all those years of teaching, I have a tendency to want to work lessons into my writing.  I fight that, but there may be a lesson here.  It's this:

NEVER say NEVER because here's my short, short blog taken from an email one of Callie's fans sent me.


During an interview with Walter Edgar on SCETV public radio, he mentioned sex in the Callie Parrish mysteries. I immediately told him, "Walter, I believe you're confusing sex with underwear." As some of you know, my protagonist Callie Parrish abstains during the first several books, but she does talk about her inflatable bras and trips to Victoria's Secret with her sidekick Jane. Who can blame her? Callie's bra actually saves her life in one of the books. For that reason, Callie's fans send me all kinds of emails and advertisements about bras. This one made me laugh so hard that if I'd been Dixon, my cigar would have shot out of my mouth, so I'm sharing it with SS readers.


What Religion is That Bra?

A man walks into Victoria's Secret and shyly walks up to the woman behind the counter
.

"I'd like to buy a bra for my wife," he says.

"What type of bra?" asks the clerk.

"Type?" inquires the man, "There's more than one type?"

"Look around," the saleslady says as she waves her arm toward a sea of bras in every shape, size, color and material imaginable!

"Actually," she says, "even with all of this variety, there are really only four types of bras to choose from."

Relieved, the man asks about the types. The clerk replies, "There are the Catholic, the Salvation Army, the Presbyterian, and the Baptist. Which one would you prefer?"

Now totally befuddled, the man asks, "What's the difference?"

The saleslady responds, "It's really quite simple...

"The Catholic type supports the masses; the Salvation Army type lifts the fallen; the Presbyterian type keeps them staunch and upright; and the Baptist makes mountains out of mole hills."

When I was a little girl, my daddy told me ladies never talk about sex, politics, or religion because they might offend people. This is not about sex, but if the religions mentioned offend you, please don't take it personally. I've been Baptist and Catholic, and I sometimes ring the bell in front of Wal*mart.

The Alphabet

Have you ever wondered why A, B, C, D, DD, E, F, G, and H are the letters used to define bra sizes? If you have pondered this, but couldn't figure out what the letters stood for, it's about time you learn.
Just like people, bras come in all shapes, sizes, and colors.
(Leigh, please note the lovely white mats I've
used on my clips.)
 
  • {A} Almost Boobs...
  • {B} Barely there...
  • {C} Can't Complain!....
  • {D} Dang!...
  • {DD} Double dang!......
  • {E} Enormous!...
  • {F} Fake...
  • {G} Get a Reduction...
  • {H} Help me, I've fallen And I can't get up!


If I've offended anyone now, I apologize, but if so, it's not the first time and certainly won't be the last. Right now, I've got to consider whether or not to change the name of this blog from Copping Out to Cupping  Out.

On a more serious note, may the holidays be peaceful and joyful for each of you regardless of your religion.
 
If you have to do any last minute shopping, let this
 tree of ladies' lingerie and accessories
remind you that females enjoy receiving
these items as gifts during the holiday season.


 

7 comments:

janice said...

All good wishes for Christmas and for 2013

David Dean said...

Underwear humor--very funny!

I'm so glad you copped out,Fran, because tomorrow I'm doing the same. In fact, this comment is probably longer than my blog.

Leigh Lundin said...

Fran, you're the only SleuthSayer who can get away with a copping-a-boob blog.

Happy Christmas!

John Floyd said...

For all those whose lives have been a little frazzled and hectic lately, this is just what they (we) needed. It's probably put a smile on everybody's face.

Have a great Christmas, Fran!

Eve Fisher said...

Speaking as someone who was once Presbyterian but now is in search of the Salvation Army, I LOVED THIS!!!
Merry Christmas to all!

Herschel Cozine said...

And then there is the anarchist bra which gives you no support at all.

Enjoyed your column. Merry Christmas.

Dixon Hill said...

Thanks, Fran, for an "udderly" perfect post.

Season's Greetings to all!
--Dix