05 June 2019
Five Red Herrings, Volume 11
22 December 2013
When Good Teachers Go Bad
by Leigh Lundin
Last week, I wrote about the attorney who argued his client was too rich for prison, and this week’s article began with a similar theme until it morphed into something else.
Kristin L.S. Beck is an athletics trainer who had sex with at least one minor. Although the victim is a child, the Commonwealth of Virginia does not consider an adult engaging in sex with a juvenile 15 years or older a felony. The 30-year-old was charged with contributing to the delinquency of a minor, a misdemeanor, and is not required to register as a sexual offender.
Beck’s lawyer argued for no sentence at all, claiming his client was the victim and added she voluntarily forfeited her license as an athletic trainer working with students.
“I'm not sure jail time would achieve anything,” he said.
The judge compromised, giving her six months behind bars, but he chastised her for betraying the public trust.
What we think we know
As I mulled over the article, it seemed to me I’d been reading a lot about women teachers having sex with minors. Curious, I googled.
One of the first sites I turned up listed thirty-some teachers. Naturally, Florida is one of the worst offenders. Only three were male, one out of eleven. I googled again, recognizing such names as too-pretty-for-prison Debra LaFave who prosecutors and judges in two Florida counties let walk. And Mary Kay Letourneau, the teacher who bedded one of her sixth-grade students and, after being given a pass by the judge couldn’t stay away from him, and following re-arrest and time in the clink, eventually married him. And Pamela Smart who persuaded her 15-year-old paramour to murder her husband.
Wait. I know teachers. For some reason, I’ve dated an inordinate number of educators and many more are friends, including my writing buddies. Every one I know is dedicated, hard-working, and concerned about their students. It has to be every vulnerable teacher’s nightmare to be falsely accused. But, as every teacher knows, there are always a few bad apples.
What’s going on here?
Something else is happening. One writer bemoans that dozens of women teachers are being accused of sexual acts. As it turns out, the writer was wrong: not dozens, but hundreds. Names poured out of my screen. Hardly digging at all, in less than an hour I turned up more than 400 cases:
Kelly A••• | Christina G•••••••• | Alexa N•••••• |
Tabitha A•••• | Donna Carr G••••••• | Amie Lou N•••• |
Susan Christina A••••••• | Kelly Ann G••••• | Linda N•• |
Shelley A•••• | Jennalin G•••••-C•••• | Cheryl N••••• |
Toni A••••• | Lindsay G•••••-Y•••• | Angela Sue N•• |
Brianne A••••• | Ellen G••••••• | Kristine N••• |
Tina Marie A•••• | Jacquelyn Faith G••••••• | Rebecca N•••••• |
Barbara A••••••• | Sandra ‘Beth’ G••••• | Christine N•••• |
Ethel A••••••• | Rachelle G•••••• | Amy N•••• |
Melissa A••••••• | Robin G••••••••• | Amy N•••••••• |
Melissa Ann A••••••• | Stephanie G•••••••••• | Carrie O’C••••• |
Bethany A••••••• | Jennifer M. G••• | Kristi Dance O•••• |
Jamie A•••••••• | Lisa G•••• | Christina O••••• |
Melissa A••••• | Helen G•••••• | Jody O•••••• |
Amanda A•••• | Brandy Lynn G••••••• | Brenda O•••••• |
Kari Jo A••••••• | Christel C. G•••••• | Laura P••• |
Sherri Lynn B•••• | Marla G••••••-H•••••• | Angela P••••• |
Brenda B•••••••••• | Lisa G••••••• | Janet P••••• |
Leslie B•••• | Jamie Nicole H••• | Cameo P•••• |
Erica B•••• | Summer Michelle H••••• | Karen P••••• |
Pamela B••••• | Emily Suzanne H••••••• | April P••••••••• |
Melissa B••• | Katherine J. H••••• | Alison P••• |
Nicole Andrea B••••••• | Emma Jean H•••• | Naomi P•••• |
Bella B•••••• | Dr. Allison H••••••• | Carrie P•••••• |
Janelle B•••••• | Georgianne H•••••• | Kelsey P••••••• |
Ashley Jo B•••• | Stephanie Diane H••••• | Candace R. P••••• |
Amy B••• | Holly H•••••• | Linda P•••••• |
Kristin L. S. B••• | Cathy H••••••••• | Kaci P•••••••• |
Rebecca B••••• | Kristal Renee H•••• | Nicole P•••••••• |
Allanah B•••••-W•••• | Maria Guzman H•••••••• | Nicola P••••••• |
Shannon B••• | Shannon H•••••• | Michelle P•••••• |
Anna B•••••••••• | Wendy L. H•••••• | Julie P•••••••• |
Sandra L. B•••••• | Katherine H•••• | Stephanie R••••• |
Janelle Marie B••• | Rachel Ann H•••• | Shebana R••••• |
Joy B••••••••• | Symantha H•••• | Beth R•••••• |
Michelle B•••••• | Deanna H•••••• | Makayla Dawn R•••••• |
Deanna B••• | Becci H••• | Lauren R•••••• |
Rebecca B••••• | Crissy H•••• | Danielle R••• |
Rebecca B••••••• | Adrianne H•••••• | Deborah R••••• |
Sandra B•••••• | Meredith H••••• | Courtney Sue R•••••• |
Loni B••••••• | Abigail H••••••• | Jennifer R••• |
Valynne B••••• | Sarah H••••• | Claire R••••••• |
Courtney B••••• | Rachel L. H••• | Kristy C. R••••• |
Rebecca Ann B••••••• | Diana H••• | Karen R•••••• |
Kristyn B••••• | Kanesa H•••••• | Liza-Anne R•••••• |
Keri Ann B••••• | Stacy H•••••• | Rebecca R••••••••-S•••••• |
Cheryl B•••••• | Cynthia H•••••• | Trina R••••• |
Mariella B•••••• | Emily Elizabeth H•••••• | Valerie R•••••• |
Sherry B••••• | Amy Lynn H••••• | Pamela R••••• T••••• |
Sarah B•••••• | Christine H•••• | Marcie L. R••••••• |
Alini B•••• | Janet H••••• | Sharon R••••••••• |
Christy Anne B•••• | Ellen H••• | Erica R•••••• |
Rosanna Encinas B•••• | Heather I••••• | Kellie R••• |
Laura-Anne B••••••• | Amy Bass J•••••• | Tamara R•••• |
Rita B••• | Hope J••••• | Amira S•’D• |
Sheree B••••••• | Nicole J•••••• | Maria S••• |
Whitney Dow B••• | Urszula J•••••••• | Megan S•••••••• |
Ashley B•••••• | Courtney J•••••• | Kristy S••••••-T••••••• |
Rachel B••••••• | Amber S. J••••••• | Donna Lou S•••••• |
Stephanie B••••••• | Sarah J••• | Lynn S••••••• |
Kimberly B•••• | Christine Marie J••••••• | Christine S••••••• |
Lucinda Rodriguez C••••••• | Kasey J••••• | Stacy S•••••• |
Christine C•••• | Hope J•••• | Jennifer S•••••• |
Wendy C••••• | Marie J•••••• | Dawn Marie S••••••••••••••• |
Diana C••••• | Danielle J•••• | Wendie A. S••••••••• |
Christina C•••••• | Sarah J•••• | April S•••••• |
Gwen C•••••• | Christine J••••• | Heather S•••••• |
Katheryn L. C•••••• | Meredith K••• | Beth S••••••• |
Harriett Louise C••••• | Elisa K••••••• | Bethany S••••••• |
Amy Kathleen C••••• | Denise K••••• | Leah S•••••• |
Katie C•••••••• | Rebecca Lee K••••• | Michelle S••••••• |
Melissa C•••• | Jodi A. K•••••• | Natasha S•••• |
Beth Ann C•••••• | Heather K•••••• | Joan Marie S••••• |
Heather C••••••• | Tammy K•• | Pamela S•••• |
Whitney C••••• | Irene K••• | Christy Lee S•••• |
Michelle Rose C•••• | Mariane K•••••• | Sheral Lee S•••• |
Jodi C••••• | Kirsten K••••• | Melissa S••• |
Jennifer C•••• | Haven K•••••••••• | Samantha S•••••• |
Lisa Lynette C•••• | Jodi K•••••••••• | Amanda S••••• |
Susan C••••••• | Anne K•••• | Mary Jo S•••• |
Tammy C•••••• | Melissa Diana K••• | Christine S••••• |
Stephanie C••• | Abby K••••• | Ashley S•••••• |
Angela Christine C••••• | Kym K••••• | Yvette S•••••• |
Brittni C•••••• | Nicole K••••••• | Stephanie Ann S•••• |
Angela Renee C•••• | Michelle K••• | Angela S••••••• |
Andrea C•••••• | Debra Beasley L•F••• | JoAnn S••••••• |
Amanda Leigh C••••• | Adrienne L••••••• | Erin Baynard S•••••• |
Kellie Ann C••••••• | Margaret L••••••• | Meghan Allison S•••••• |
Julie Gay C••••• | Shanice L•••••• | Jenifer S•••••• |
Lauren C••••••• | Melissa L••••••• | Elizabeth S••• |
Megan C•••••• | Lisa L••••• | Sara S••••• |
Kimberly C•••• | Christina L••••• | Lakina S••••• |
Tara Lynn C•••• | Heather L•• B•••••••• | Kristen S••••••• |
Elyse C••••••• | Autumn L••••••• | Beulah Nicole G••••••• S••••• |
Kahtanna C••• | Mary Kay L••••••••• | Abbie Jane S•••••• |
Kelly Lynn D•••••• | Vicky Lynn L••••••• | Traci T••• |
Heather D••••••••• | Jill L•••• | Jennifer T•••••••• |
Gay D•••••••-S•••••• | Amy Gail L••••• | Michele T••••• |
Kathia Maria D•••• | Angela Simmons L••••• | Katherine T•• |
Margaret •• B•••••••• | Jennifer Dawn L••••• | Tanya T••••••••• |
Teri K. D•••• | Elizabeth Claire L•••••• | Erin T••••• |
Melissa Michelle D••• | Nicole L••• | Heather T•••••• |
Melinda D••••• | Chantella L••••• | Lauren T••• |
Diane D•M••••••-S••••• | Julia L••• | Deborah Lee T••••• |
Jennifer D•••••• | Kimberly L•••• | Rebekah T••• |
Megan D••••• | Jennifer M•••••• | Sarah L. T•••••• |
Melinda D•••••• | Jennifer M•••• | Gay Lyn T••••• |
Julie A. D•••• | Kesha D. M••••• | Pamela Joan Rogers T••••• |
Erica D•P••• | Kristen M•••••• | Jennifer T•••• |
Nadia D••• | Lisa Robyn M•••••••• | Erica U••••••• |
Cara D••••• | Amber M••••••• | Michelle V••M•••• |
Stefanie D•••••••• | Christy M••••• | Rachelle V••••••• |
Pamela D••••-M•••• | Katryna M••••• | Sheila V•••••• |
Dorothy Elizabeth D•••• | Elisa M••••••••• | Jamie W•••• |
Jennifer D•••••• | Andrea M••••••• | Jaymee W•••••• |
Stephanie D••••• | Tina M•••• | Danielle W•••• |
Tara D••••••• | Lindsay M•••••• | Stephanie Jo W•••••• |
Christine D••• | Cindy M•••• | Allenna W••• |
Andrea E•••• | Melissa Kellie M•B•• | Donna W•••••••• |
Susan E••• | Christine M•C••••• | Amanda W•••••• |
Amy E•••• | Carrie M•C••••••• | Gina Marie W•••••• |
Christine E••••• | Cristina M•C••• | April W••••• |
Rhianna E•••• | Melissa Dawn M•C••• | Kelly McKenzy W••••• |
Amy Rita E•••••••• | Michelle M•C•••••• | Melissa W•••• |
Celeste E•••••• | Amy M•E•••••• | Crystal W•••• |
Teresa E•••••••• | Lynnette M•I••••• | Dawn W••••• |
Jennifer E••••••• | Regina M•K•• | Kathy W•••• |
Darcie E•••• | Alexandra Elizabeth M•L••• | Shelley W•••• |
Michelle F••••• | Erin M•L••• | Jennifer W•••••• |
Diana Leigh F•••••• | Amberlee Evonne M••••• | Heather W•••••• |
Rachel L. F•••••• | Elizabeth M••••••••• | Amber Renea W••••••••• |
Laura Lynn F•••••• | Amy N. M••••• | Christy A. W••••• |
Marcy R. F••••• | Kelly K. M••••• | Kacy W••••• |
Carol F•••••••• | Julie Ann M•••• | Tawni W•••••••• |
Stephanie F••••••• | Michelle M••••• | Robin W••••• |
Ashley F••••• | Cris M••••• | Emma W••• |
Lisa F••••• | Emily M••••• | Jessica Bailey W••••••• |
Ronda F••• | Alison M•••••• | Toni Lynn W•••• |
Andrea F•• | Melissa M••• | Kimme A. W•••• |
Chandra F••••• | Elizabeth M••• | Amy Y•••••••• |
Natalie F••••••• | Antonia M••••-J••••• | Shannon Y•••• |
Lynne F•••••• | Franca M••••-J••••• | Melanie K. Y•••• |
Kenzi F••••• | Allison M•••••••• | Heather Lynne Z•• |
Gail E. G•••• | Karolyn N•••• | Michelle Z•••••••• |
Zenna G•••••• | Sheryl A. N••••••• | Maria Z••••• |
Some of the above cases have yet to go to trial while charges in others have been dropped.
A person is not judged guilty until determined by a court of law.
This is a sizable sampling, not a comprehensive list, but I'm making a point. Columnists casually speak of 'dozens', but there appear to be hundreds, perhaps thousands plus many unreported.
I could be wrong, but I don’t for a moment believe predation by female teachers (and aides, coaches, PTA members, etc.) outnumbers male’s by eleven to one. Slate writer William Saletan attempts to extrapolate from general rape statistics. Contrary to an US Department of Education survey that says in 2004 that 43% of complaints were against women, he claims assaults by male teachers outnumber female by 25-to-1 and echoes popular opinion that female aggressors are “less vile.” He intimates that male ‘victims’ are almost grown up and can better tolerate harassment.
He appears to miss the point that many Americans don’t regard sex with a female teacher a crime. Thanks to reluctance of victims and their families, fewer female teachers are accused, fewer yet are charged, fewer are prosecuted, and still fewer are given jail or prison sentences and required to register as sexual offenders. It’s a bit like that tree falling in a forest: If a teacher is let off, is it a crime?
As a 2007 NPR segment pointed out, fewer women teachers face criminal penalties. The day after Debra LaFave was allowed to walk, a male teacher was given twenty years for the equivalent crime. Elsewhere, a former Miss Texas contestant had her case dismissed without trial. The grand jury found the relationship ‘endearing and flirtatious.’
What’s a crime in one state may not be a crime in another. If the age of consent is 15 or 16, then a felony may not have been committed. Worsening the problem, laws that acknowledge women can be capable of sexual assault have been slow to catch up.
One teacher said an internet search she conducted suggested she wasn’t engaging in a crime. Often, boys and even their families refuse to cooperate with authorities. The British National Association of Women Teachers has said that teachers who have sex with pupils over the age of consent should not be placed on sex offender registers.
The Association went on to say statutory rape laws were out of date. They weren’t alone. In comments following some of the articles I researched, many readers suggested the age of consent should be lowered to 14. Fourteen! Perhaps not coincidentally, this age cropped up most often in case searches (varying from ages 9 to 17).
Former US Secretary of Education and former Houston School Superintendent Roderick Paige taught us thousands of ways to manipulate school statistics. We don’t know how many teachers are simply dismissed rather than prosecuted, which makes a shambles of statistics maintained by Departments of Education. We don’t know how often a woman is allowed to plead to a misdemeanor or non-sex crime, whereas her male counterpart may be charged with statutory rape, sexual assault, or creative charges like false imprisonment.
The adage ‘Women get months, men get years’ isn’t quite accurate, but New Jersey courts convict a sizeable majority of men but less than half of women, and they sentence men to terms 50% longer than that of women. Nancy Grace says, “Why is it when a man rapes a little girl, he goes to jail, but when a woman rapes a boy, she had a breakdown?”
While I’m surprised by mounting evidence, I am willing to adjust my stereotype. I once consulted for Sinai Hospital outside Baltimore where they gathered reams of statistics. According to one curious number, domestic battery by women outnumbered assaults by men. (While more wives assaulted husbands, men tended to inflict more harm because of sheer physical strength.)
I mentioned this to a psychiatrist friend in New York and later to another in Virginia. Both confirmed that finding. The Virginia doctor said she believed the reason was that women didn’t feel constraints, whereas sensible males have been taught to never hit a woman. The reverse is not taught.
With that little bit of knowledge, I could understand more or less equal numbers, but without hard statistics it’s difficult to judge. As mentioned the other day in comments of a SleuthSayers article, our society doesn’t trust men. At the same time, we take greater steps to protect our daughters than our sons. Because women teachers are trusted, is it possible some see an opportunity? Or, more kindly, does emotion and sensation slip under their guard?
This phenomenon isn't a fluke and we can’t blame incidents on ‘trashy women’. These are women with bachelors degrees, sometimes masters and doctorates, as in the case of Dr. Allison Hargrave, seducer of a troubled 13-year-old girl. These women are articulate, smart, poised community figures. Many have won awards. They held such promise.
And now?
Like many men, it’s much easier for me to sympathize with women, but can’t we find a better way to deal with this situation?
Why does one teacher receive a 25- or 30-year sentence while branded a pedophile and another's given no sentence at all? I’ve suggested before in a different context, we need to balance sentencing. First, we must decide whether an act constitutes a crime and at what level: Misdemeanor? Felony? Or simply bad judgment? And once that's determined, we need to be fair, sensible, and consistent.
The too-pretty-for-prison defense has to vanish as do overly harsh sentences. Educator-of-the-Year Ethel Anderson wasn’t pretty and she wasn’t white. She received 38 years for her relationship with a 12-year-old. Hundreds of others received a virtual slap on the wrist if they were reprimanded at all.
Society clearly has both a problem and a vested interest. We entrust our children to our teachers, people we want to care about and train our children. How do we solve this problem?
20 June 2013
How I Got This Way - Literature and Life
by Eve Fisher
The ones that hold up:
Sherlock Holmes - I'm up for a trip to 221B Baker Street just about any time. Just please, don't try to make me like the modern takes on Sherlock. I want him lean, addicted to tobacco and/or cocaine, and totally emotionally detached. (My favorite actor in the role was Jeremy Brett, with Basil Rathbone running a close second.)
Nancy Drew - you've got to start somewhere, and she was independent, fun, rescued all her friends, and solved the mysteries. Way to go, Nancy!

Edgar Allan Poe - "The Cask of Amontillado" - "for the love of God, Montresor!" "Yes, for the love of God." Wow.
The ones that hold up, with reservations:
H. P. Lovecraft - I gave away my complete set to a young nerd who came back about a week later, strangely gray, and gave them all back to me. He couldn't sleep, couldn't eat, and might have been damaged for life. All I know is Lovecraft scared the crap out of me, I remember some of his stories vividly, a few of them were so brilliant I am still in awe of what he did, and I have no need to ever read them again. (Same thing with "Johnny Got His Gun" by Dalton Trumbo - book and movie - saw it once, read it for some reason after that, had nightmares both times, I am done.)
My adolescent sexist swill (Thanks for the phrase, Fran!):
The Saint, a/k/a Simon Templar, by Leslie Charteris
- Michael Shayne by Brett Halliday
- Mike Hammer by Mickey Spillane
- James Bond by Ian Fleming
I will say that at least the Saint had Patricia Holm, who was as much of an adventurer as he was. But then Charteris dropped Patricia. Sigh. And the James Bond novels had some strong women– but most of them, in the end, all went soft and cuddly, even Pussy Galore, which I never believed for one minute… :) But at least the locations were fantastic.
I haven't run across any of Brett Halliday's in a long time, so I don't know how well he holds up, but I have re-read some of all of the others, and... for me, they don't. I can see the line, however, leading from these to Robert Parker's Spenser and Hawk.
My adolescent forerunners:
James M. Cain - Mildred Pierce (the book) gets better every year!
Dashiell Hammett - ah. Nick and Nora.
Rex Stout - I am trying to collect the complete works, and I almost have. When it comes to media presentations, I want my Nero Wolfe (like Sherlock Holmes) unblemished by Hollywoodization - overweight, misogynistic, lazy, gourmandizing, and brilliant. (I did like the Timothy Hutton version, although he's not how I've always pictured Archie Goodwin, and Maury Chaykin was not large enough...)
Well enough for now, I'm off to re-read "Death of a Doxy"!
21 October 2012
Vive la Différence Part 2
by Leigh Lundin
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© unknown |
Straight from my eMailbox last week I mentioned a few reasons why women contend men are happy beasts. Naturally, scientists have developed a test to determine guynicity and naturally SleuthSayers proudly brings it to you.
How to Score: Give one point for every time you picked answer 'c'. A real guy would score at least 10 on this test. In fact, a real guy would score at least 15, because he would receive the special five-point bonus for getting the tasteless dead pedophile in the bar joke.
14 October 2012
Vive la Différence Part 1
by Leigh Lundin
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© unknown |
I've written about the difference between men and women, a topic I find fascinating. It's fraught with danger (I don't think I've ever written 'fraught' before), laced with intrigue, and often enjoyable if not politically correct– which I don't plan becoming anytme soon. Besides, relationships shouldn't be political, despite becoming politicized through the decades.
For some time, I've received eMails titled Why Men are Happy and Why Men are Never Depressed. These have arrived in multiple editions over such a span that I noticed additions, deletions, and edits as these eMails passed through multiple hands. (Many versions can be found on-line.) Cathy Guisewite they're not, but some are fun.
Occasionally guys receive word they might not be pulling their weight in a relationship. Although the foolish might mount a vigorous defense, the wise will probably gather that 20% is not a reasonable balance nor does grilling or any other chore that might be considered enjoyable (fishing, winemaking, working on the car, sitting at the computer, watching basketball) weigh toward the ultimate accounting.
Yes, accounting, because there's a balance sheet and many other factors intrude and guys have a lot to account for. For example, here's a diary circulating on FaceBook:
Guys don't worry about the same things, snoring for example. A fellow can blissfully snore loud enough to crack ceiling plaster, but a woman will stay awake half the night waiting until her man falls asleep so he doesn't hear her snores set off car alarms. The thing is, a guy doesn't mind. First, it makes his woman human, but he also might find her snoring comforting and snap awake if she suddenly stops.
Guys irritate women in ways that are incomprehensible to men. Take finding things. Scientific American says the spatial parts of our brains evolved differently: cavemen traveled the hills and dales hunting mammoths and eventually found their way back home, while cavewomen kept their home running, wrestling leg-o-sarus into the cookpot, fried the bronto-burgers, mended woolies and loincloths for the family, and scrubbed the cave walls clean from their children's drawings. Whereas a male could find his way to a sabretooth carcass on flint ridge (without asking directions), he couldn't find the bone-handled knife in his own cave.
But his woman could, an effect Rosanne Barr in her stand-up comedy called the uterine locator. Back in our unevolved days, the cavewoman yelled, "Why do you keep asking me? Do I look like I know where everything is? Why don't you find it yourself, you're perfectly capable. What, you can't squeeze those big shoulders through the kitchen door? Because that's where it is, in the kitchen, under the sink, behind the second pot on the third shelf in the yellow box marked 'stuff.'"
There could be a wry Linda Ellerbee observation here, but let's move on to that balance sheet…
The Unbearable Lightness of Being Male
- Wedding plans take care of themselves.
- Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100.
- Your last name stays put.
- You can never be pregnant.
- The garage is all yours.
- You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
- Car mechanics tell you the truth.
- You can open all your own jars.
- Chocolate is just another snack.
- Your underwear is $9.95 for a three-pack.
- You almost never have strap problems in public.
- New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
- Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
- One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color for all seasons.
- You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.
- You can 'do' your nails with a pocket knife.
- You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
- You can wear no shirt to a water park.
- You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
- The same hairstyle lasts for years, even decades.
- You don't have to shave below your neck.
- You have freedom of choice about growing a mustache.
- Hot wax never comes near your pubic area.
- Your bathroom has soap, towel, toothbrush, and shaving gear, nothing more.
- You don't have to dress up to get the mail.
- You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky.
- Wrinkles add character.
- Everything on your face stays its original color.
- People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
- One mood all the time.
- Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
- You can leave the motel bed unmade.
- You can kill your own food.
- You can shop in under two minutes.
- You know stuff about tanks.
- You don't have to know anything about celebrities and their relationships.
- You don't have to know anything about your friends' relationships.
- You are not expected to know the names of more than five colors.
- No maxi-pads.
- A five-day vacation requires one suitcase.
- You can drop by to see a friend without bringing a little gift.
- If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just might become good friends.
- If someone forgets to invite you, they can still be your friend.
- You can call your buddy f•ckface and still be friends.
- You play with toys all your life.
- You wake up looking the same as you went to bed, maybe better.
- You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
…and… - You can ask a woman where to find things.