07 December 2016

Jailbird


by Robert Lopresti

 I should probably start by saying this is not fiction.  It happened last week.

I'm piecing this together from several news stories.  Craig Buckner was due for an appearance at the courthouse in Washington County, Oregon.  He had failed to appear previously on drug and theft charges.

When the cops found him asleep they suspected something and gave him a drug test.  The result was that he was arrested.

Buckner was upset.  Expecting only a short visit he had brought his pet to the courthouse.  His macaw, named Bird, was sitting in a tree outside, waiting for him.

The cops realized the birdy might not survive the chilly Oregon night.  They tried to coax him down, but Bird was not interested in talking to the cops.  He was no stool pigeon.  (Sorry, but it's going to get worse.)

Finally the police let Buckner out to call his friend down.  A deputy took care of Bird until another friend (this one unfeathered) came to spring Bird from the cage.  (They just write themselves, don't they?)

The cops took an unusual mugshot of Buckner with his pal, and that's what made the news.

The way human-interest stories work (especially those that involve non-humans), I wouldn't be surprised if Mr. Buckner and Bird get a lot of offers of help.  I hope things work out for them.

And I hope whatever Buckner did in the past his future career does not involve robin people.  Let us not snipe at him but hope this event gooses him to reform.  Perhaps these toucan go on a lark and have only mynah inconveniences...

All right.  I'll stop now.  Before I do something I egret.

12 comments:

O'Neil De Noux said...

Good job. You got me to laugh first thing in the morning. This is a short story. Write it and do what we fiction writers do. Embellish.

janice law said...

Love the bird- now about the puns!

Steve Liskow said...

I always used to warn my students that it's a cardinal sin for a writer not to entertain his audience. They used to complain about my raven about it.

Fun.

Art Taylor said...

Ha! Really enjoyed this!

Fl!p Breskin said...

I love it when your fancy takes flight...

Anonymous said...

First time reader here...what a lark! I like to crow about my ability to pun, but you are really good...I swan!

John Floyd said...

Owl agree that swan funny Bird. Let osprey.

Jerry House said...

Why hasn't PEOTUS tweeted about this?

Eve Fisher said...

What a great bobolink, Rob!

Jan Grape said...

Y'all make me want to hawk up a good yellowbelly gob of owl spit. Drives me coo-coo.

Jan Grape said...

Y'all make me want to hawk up a good yellowbelly gob of owl spit. Drives me coo-coo.

Leigh Lundin said...

I asked Valentine the cockatoo for help writing a comment, but he told me to wing it. I offered to pay him, but he said to put it on his bill.

It’s a shame Buckner used theft to feather his nest. He sounds sooooo eggocentric.