06 April 2014

April Foolish Fix

by Leigh Lundin

I once wrote about Cinderella, the sep stisty uglers, and her prandsome hince. In the spirit of last Tuesday's April Fools’ Day, once again, a friend sent me another Cinderella story which I share now.

Cinderella

A Grim Fairy Tale

Cinderella at age 95…

After a fulfilling life with her beloved but now dead prince, Cinderella sat in her rocking chair accompanied by her cat named Bob, watching the world go by from her nursing home porch. One sunny afternoon out of nowhere appeared the fairy godmother in a flash of light.

Cinderella said, “Fairy Godmother, what are you doing here after all these years?”

The fairy godmother said, “Cinderella, you have lived an exemplary life since I last saw you. Is there anything for which your heart still yearns?”

Cinderella was taken aback and overjoyed. After thoughtful consideration, she uttered her first wish: “The prince was wonderful, but not much of an investor. I’m living hand to mouth on my disability cheques, and I wish I were wealthy to ease my old age.”

Instantly, her rocking chair turned into solid gold.

“Oh, thank you, Fairy Godmother!”

The fairy godmother said, “It is the least that I can do. What do you want for your second wish?”

Cinderella looked down at her frail body, and said, “While the politicians argue about health care, the rest of us suffer. I wish I were young and full of the beauty and youth I once had.”

At once, her wish became reality, and her loveliness returned. Cinderella felt stirrings deep inside of her that had lain dormant for years.

And then the fairy godmother spoke once more. “You have one more wish; what shall it be?”

Cinderella looked over to the frightened cat in the corner and said, “I wish for you to transform Bob, my old cat, into a kind and handsome young prince.”

Magically, Bob suddenly underwent so fundamental a change in his biological make-up that, when he stood before her, he was a man so beautiful, the likes of him neither she nor the world had ever seen.

The fairy godmother said, “Congratulations, Cinderella, enjoy your new life.” With a bright blue flash, the fairy godmother was gone as suddenly as she appeared.

For a few eerie moments, Bob and Cinderella looked into each other’s eyes. Cinderella sat breathless, gazing at the most beautiful, stunningly perfect man she had ever seen.

As Cinderella sat transfixed, Prince Bob held her close in his muscular arms. He leaned close to her ear blowing her golden hair with his warm breath as he whispered…

“Bet you’re sorry you neutered me.”
And that concludes this year’s story of Cinderella.

12 comments:

Fran Rizer said...

Leigh,that Cinderella joke is older than I am, but we appreciate your effort. I am emailing you the best Cinderella joke ever!

Janice law said...

A good way to start a spring day!

Louis A. Willis said...

First time I ever read a Cinderella joke, and I like it.

Vicki Kennedy said...

Thanks for making me laugh, Leigh!

Leigh Lundin said...

Fran, that's a bad… er, a good joke! Jane has been telling dirties again!

Janice, Louis, and Vicki, thank you! My excuse is it would be a crime not to laugh once in a while.

A Broad Abroad said...

"Some pray my dince will come
Some may we'll deet again
And away to his gastle we'll co
To be knappy forever I how"

Thanks for today's smile.

Eve Fisher said...

I've heard it before, but it makes me LOL every time! Thanks again!

By the way, this joke reminds me of a short-short mystery (and I can't remember who wrote it) about a young woman who's found dead in her apartment, apparently murdered, but as time goes on the investigators find out that she died of heart failure and that she'd gotten her 3 wishes - and had only asked to look young and beautiful, not BE young again...

Herschel Cozine said...

This brings back memories. My ex-brother-in-law did a skit on a talent show in the fifties using Cinderella. Some of the funnier lines.

Three sisty uglers
Scramderella suddenly sinned.

He didn't win. None of the judges understood him.

Leigh Lundin said...

Thanks, ABA. Well done!

Eve, I hadn't heard of that before, but what a great plot!

Hershel, that's funny. You might recognize some of this.

Herschel Cozine said...

Leigh,
very similar to his. I think he ended it with "they happed lividly ever after."
There's no business like show business.

Leigh Lundin said...

Perfect, Herschel!

Dixon Hill said...

Leigh, I'm sorry to chime in so late; been getting things arranged in the new household. Great post. I had NOT heard it before, and laughed my head off.