6 Literary Ways That a Tree Can Kill You

A tree mishap can kill somebody, but maybe we don't appreciate the full danger. I was doom-scrolling recently and read about a particularly lethal tree, the pong pong (Cerbera odollam). The poison in its seeds can kill you within hours. It's deadlier than oleander. The piece had doom-links to other articles about other dangerous trees, and soon enough, I'd acquired an unhealthy amount of knowledge. 

This being a crime blog, I've summarized a few literary-ish tree hazards. These might help as story inspiration, the core of an elaborate woodland murder, or basic self-preservation.

1. Thorns

The acacia tree bristles with daggers for thorns. The trunk of the silk floss tree resembles a medieval barricade. The North American honey locust grows thorns up to eight inches long. Its spikes form vicious clusters near the ground, less like defenses than personal grudges. The thorns evolved to ward off mastodons. Yes, mastodons, so what chance would we have? If the impalement doesn't get you, the bacterial infection might. 

2. Poison

It's not just the pong pong tree. The chinaberry's fruit is a potent neurotoxin. The manchineel is known as the Tree of Death. Every single part of it can kill you--and probably wants the chance. You can't eat any part of the manchineel. You can't touch it or even burn it without exposure. Rain dripping from its leaves can blister your skin or worse. 

The black locust brims with robin, a toxin that can damage cells and even organs in large enough quantities. Its bark, seeds, and leaves are all loaded with the stuff. Intriguingly, the black locust is also the main source of premium acacia honey. Which I have all the time, but it turns out that I can relax. The black locust's nectar stays mostly robin-free. Mostly.

Still, there is the small matter of ...

3. Air Support

Over 70 people die each year in the U.S. from bee, wasp, and hornet stings. A lawn mower whips up a swarm. Someone bumps a car into the wrong tree. Some fool pokes at a hive. None of this is a high-concept story plot, but then again, the everyday is rife with drama.

And speaking of animal drama, trees can harbor...

4. Big Cats

The silent enemy above. Is it likely that a big cat springs down on you? Statistically, the following things claim more lives: vending machines, champagne corks, hot dogs, beach sand collapses, and selfies. But the adventure and romance of big cats is fiction gold. 

Snakes also climb and ambush. A snake hiding in a tree is looking for prey among the branches or small enough to drag up there. We humans are too heavy. Sorry, Hollywood. A snake that drops from a tree is careless, not cunning. Now, snakes being snakes, they will bite you straight up from up in a tree. That's strictly defensive, and the person might've had it coming. In all, any death by a tree-based snake is just terrible luck or maybe a family curse. 

Iguanas dropping from trees are a whole other thing. Someone needs to write that crime story.

5. Falling Fruit and Cones

You know the Gilligan's Island setup: Something shakes a palm tree, and a coconut plonks onto some poor sap's head. This actually happens, of course. On television, it's a headache and laugh track. In real life, it's a critical injury. 

Assume a palm tree that's 65 feet tall. A coconut weighing 4.4 pounds falling that distance can strike anything below at over 40 miles per hour. The coconut would land with just under 400 joules of kinetic force, roughly three times that of a major league fastball. If that coconut hits square on someone's head, a best case might be a serious concussion. Worse case? Brain trauma, severe damage to the spine and internal organs, internal bleeding. Worst case? You're canceled and picked up in heavenly syndication.

Coconuts are tiny compared to the heavy ordnance of fruits and seeds. Consider the cone of the bunya pine. The female cone weighs up to 20 pounds. It's the size of a rugby ball. The coco de mer fruit can reach 100 pounds. Keep a sharp eye upward, Gilligan.

6. Projectiles

Some dangers don't fall from trees. They're launched. Botanical shrapnel. 

The dynamite tree (Hura crepitans) isn't messing around. It is so covered in spikes and spines that it's also known as the monkey no-climb. Its sap is used for poison arrows. Oh, and its fruit explodes when ripe. 

You read that correctly. The fruit explodes, with a crack like a rifle. The disc-like seeds--poisonous seeds--blast indiscriminately for 100 feet or more at over 150 miles per hour. These fruit grenade fragments are about the size and speed of a paintball pellet, but this ammo is rock hard. Anyone at close range had better dive for cover. 

A Thing As Beautiful as a Tree

I share this knowledge not to scare anyone off our friends the trees. They are truly things of wonder. They're also armed and dangerous. Now we know, and we have a doom-scroll to thank.