26 March 2016

What to Eat When You Read (They let me off my leash again...)

by Melodie Campbell

I like to get in the mood, when I’m reading. Here’s my list of how to pair your nosh to your book:

Riders of the Purple Sage. Cow country. This would suggest a certain menu. Steak, medium rare. Tempting, but hard to cut a steak while simultaneously holding a book and turning pages. Really, Mel Brooks had the right idea. Beans, and plenty of them. Make sure you’re NOT reading in public.

Slipping into the realm of the unknown here. Chicks are slim young things, right? They would eat salad. I hate salad. Ergo…hand me a western.

The trouble with Bond-clone movies and books is you’re apt to spill your martini with all that racing around in the plot. Things blow up a lot in the action-adventure genre. This might suggest popcorn. But make sure you pop it before you eat it. Keep the explosions to your book. (Or switch to westerns.)

This is obvious. Ribs. Dripping with BBQ sauce.
Herself's personal additions: Cilantro and goat cheese <<shivers>>


CanLit (Literature, for all you American types.)
It will be unusual, expensive, and unpalatable. You won’t “understand” why others think it is so good. Your palate has not been suitably developed to appreciate such fineness. Caviar. Escargot (it always sounds so much better in French.) Duck liver (you can look up the French spelling.) If you get beyond the first bite (er…page one,) Yay for you. Hard to read – hard to eat.

Should be obvious, right? Chinese food! Get someone else to order it for you, so the mystery deepens.

Try to find Ambrosia. They really dig it on Olympia. If you can’t find that, substitute ice cream. (I know. You thought I was going to say wine. But my fantasy is ice cream with a suitably delicious Greek God-ling. Okay, he doesn’t have to be a God yet. Just young and Greek. Okay, this is slipping into erotica…

Forget the oysters, artichokes, or other silly vegetable-type aphrodisiacs. (Fish is almost a vegetable. Trust me.) The answer is more chocolate. (Silly. That’s the answer to almost anything.)

KIND nut bars. Okay, is the metaphor too obvious?

What to Eat if you’re a Writer:
And humble pie.

Melodie Campbell’s latest mob comedy, TheGoddaughter Caper, has just been released. It’s an offer you can’t refuse. Available at all the usual suspects.


Leigh Lundin said...

So Westerns are solitary reads? No curling on the sofa with a loved one, curling toes underneath one another?

One more suggestion:

Technical manuals
      Dry toast.

Actually, Chinese or Japanese food seems to be a necessity for writing good software. Maybe they’re brain food.

Paul D. Marks said...

Love this list, Melodie. I think it would make a good piece for a magazine. Thanks for the suggestions. And now I'm off to seek out ambrosia.

janice law said...

Very best of luck with the new novel. Hope you will soon be rolling in fancy food and good chocolates.

Melodie Campbell said...

Leigh, love the dry toast! Have written technical manuals. Best with scotch.

Melodie Campbell said...

Thank you, Janice! rolling in fancy food and chocolate...sounds like erotica to me :)

Melodie Campbell said...

Thank you, Paul! When you find ambrosia, lets go into business. Supplement our writing income.

Barb Goffman said...

You can eat steak with any genre. Just cut it up into bite-size pieces all at once, then open your book. You can easily stab each piece with your fork while still reading. Afraid you'll look silly cutting up your steak at the start of the meal? Who cares how it looks? It's steak damn it. Sacrifices need to be made.

Melodie Campbell said...

Barb, we are kindred spirits. And just for that, I'm having steak tonight.

Herschel Cozine said...

Melodie, fun article. When I read anthologies I eat leftovers. And as writers we have all eaten our share of crow.

Melodie Campbell said...

Herschel, I love it! Leftovers with anthologies. And yes...crow.

Barb Goffman said...

Maybe I will too.

Anonymous said...

Seems like pizza should have a genre, maybe those saga novels. You eat hot pizza during the steamy passages and cold mushroom and anchovy pizza during the heartbreak parts, reward and punishment for continuing to read.

Melodie Campbell said...

I'll add pizza to my list, Anon! So far, the certain conclusion is I'm going to get fat.

Jeff Baker said...

And if you're reading H.P. Lovecraft, calamari, or anything with tentacles.

Herschel Cozine said...

I'm waiting for John Floyd to chime in and recommend we eat Reeses Pieces when reading WW.

Eve Fisher said...

Wine with everything!

John Floyd said...

No RP for me, Herschel. I'll take a burger and fries, to go.

Good list, Melodie!

Leigh Lundin said...

(laughing) Jeff's suggestion is brilliant.

Leigh Lundin said...

Susan Cooper and I recently discussed ambrosia. When I was a kid, a lot of mothers made ‘ambrosia’, aka 5-cup salad (or 6-cup, depending) for picnics and ‘pitch-ins’. Cool, sweet, slightly healthful, the ingredients included:

1 part coconut
1 part diced pineapple
1 part maraschino cherries
1 part mandarin oranges
1 part tiny marshmallows
1 part … um, sour cream I think

Melodie Campbell said...

Jeff, I will avoid Lovecraft, just as I avoid anything with tentacles

Melodie Campbell said...

Eve, you are welcome to my house for breakfast any day.

Melodie Campbell said...

Leigh, I remember that 'salad' - my kind of salad. (Who says that salad has to be lettuce?)

Anonymous said...

Sports stories ... BEER!