Absolutely, Leigh! I’d love to help you shape it into something even stronger. Just drop your writing here—whether it's a paragraph, a poem, or a wild draft—and I’ll help refine it, restructure if needed, and add a touch of polish without losing your voice. Let's dig in. Writing Refinement and Support Offer Open Page I started the page, Writing Refinement and Support Offer. You can edit it now, or come back to it later. — article — Leigh, this is a wildly engaging piece—humorous, reflective, and rich with techno-human insight. It’s like a memoir crossed with a futurist’s manifesto, sprinkled with mischief and wisdom. Your storytelling voice is distinct, and the pacing carries the reader from nostalgia into high-tech speculation with a wry wink. To help enhance it, here are suggestions grouped by theme: Style & Clarity Consistency in tone: You're delightfully conversational—keep that tone steady by trimming phrases like “not-so-onerous obligation” which sound formal and contrast with your breezy style. Try “a mild obligation” or “a quirky arrangement.” Sentence rhythm: Mix in more short punchy lines for impact. E.g. Instead of "The Tesla hesitated and then edged forward until I stomped the brake," consider: "The Tesla hesitated. Edged forward. I stomped the brake." Minor phrasing tweaks: “Battery material science to catch up” → “battery tech to catch up” for smoother flow. “A few spare parts…” → Maybe “Scrounged spare parts…” to match the wild tinkerer vibe. “No Florida Stand-Your-Ground” is snappy but could benefit from clarification (for non-Floridian readers), or simply become “no macho Florida drama.” 🧠Structural Suggestions Break it into titled sections to guide the reader’s journey. You’ve naturally done this with “The Futurist” and “† Programming”—perhaps give earlier parts titles too: Childhood Sparks Beta Days & Autopilot Anecdotes Edgewater Intersections & AI Instincts Future Forecasts This makes it easier to digest and gives each idea space to shine. Consider trimming the length just slightly by collapsing repetitive ideas. For example, the FSD accident rate stat could be mentioned once with impact, rather than reiterated. 💡 Content Expansion Opportunities The chessboard metaphor is excellent. You might elaborate with one more vivid example—e.g., “just as a rook knows its vertical path, the vehicle knows how to respond to a stalled car ahead.” FSD ethics & altruism: The part about cars sacrificing themselves is profound. You could sharpen it with one striking line: “Imagine a machine choosing martyrdom for a stranger.” Teen hijinks section: A brilliant hypothetical. You might add a punchy closing: “Grounded, rerouted, and emotionally turbocharged.” 🛠Typos & Fixes “you hop on you phone” → “you hop on your phone” “chil in the path…” → “child in the path…” Would you like me to mark these up directly in the text? Or are you thinking of making a more formal revision together—like preparing it for publication or performance? Either way, this piece crackles with personality. |
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This is a really engaging and informative blog post! You have a great voice, and you weave personal anecdotes with technical details effectively. It's clear you're passionate about the topic, and that comes through in your writing. Here are some suggestions to make it even better, focusing on clarity, flow, and impact: Overall Feedback Strong Opening: Your "mad scientist" beginning is fantastic and immediately hooks the reader. Good Blend of Personal and Technical: You balance your personal experiences with explanations of FSD very well. Humor and Personality: The "fart noises" and the S3XY car names add a fun, memorable touch. Clear Passion: Your enthusiasm for the technology is evident and infectious. Specific Suggestions for Improvement Title "Once Upon a Time" and "The Futurist" are good section titles, but for the overall blog post, consider something more descriptive and attention-grabbing. Options: "From Garage Go-Kart to Full Self-Driving: My Journey with Autonomous Vehicles" (Highlights your personal narrative and the technological leap) "My Robot on Wheels: What I've Learned Driving a Tesla with FSD" (Intriguing, focuses on the core experience) "Beyond the Wheel: Unpacking the Reality and Future of Tesla's Full Self-Driving" (More direct, sets up the exploration) Introduction (First few paragraphs) Refine the Transition: The jump from your go-kart to the Model 3 is a bit abrupt. You could add a sentence that bridges the decades more explicitly, perhaps emphasizing how that early curiosity about electric power evolved. Clarify "Autopilot": While you explain it later, for readers less familiar, you could briefly state that "Autopilot" is Tesla's advanced driver-assistance system, and FSD is the premium, more advanced version. Original: "The car came with ‘autopilot’, which meant it could follow highway lanes and when I finished the drive, it parked itself very nicely, thank you." Suggestion: "The car came with what Tesla calls ‘Autopilot’, an advanced driver-assistance system that could follow highway lanes and even park itself. But the real game-changer was the promise of Full Self-Driving (FSD)..." The "Robot on Wheels" Section "Not-so-onerous obligation": This phrase is a bit clunky. You could just say you're "under an obligation" or "have the opportunity to drive one regularly." "I have little doubt one feeds the other": This is a good point, but it could be more impactful if you briefly elaborate on how they might feed each other (e.g., FSD's AI advancements benefiting robotics, and vice-versa). Accident Statistics Strong Data Point: The "1/5 the accident rates" is a powerful statistic. Make sure it's prominently displayed and easy to grasp. Source? While this is a blog post, briefly mentioning where this statistic comes from (e.g., "According to Tesla's own data," or "Industry reports show...") would add credibility. Challenges and "Mother of All Tests" Excellent Anecdotes: The red light arrow and the blacked-out intersection are fantastic examples of FSD's limitations and your experiences. "I didn't know how to report a rare but risky situation": This is a minor point, but it might be worth adding a quick thought on how Tesla does allow drivers to report issues, if you know. This could reinforce the idea of continuous improvement. The Futurist Section Pacing: This section is very exciting, but some of the predictions come rapid-fire. You could add a sentence or two to transition between each prediction more smoothly. Ethical Considerations: Your point about FSD vehicles sacrificing themselves is profound and touches on ethical AI. This is a very interesting concept and could even be expanded into its own short paragraph if you wish, highlighting the complex moral dilemmas autonomous vehicles might face. "Soon someone figures out..." (Malicious Use): This is a good counterpoint, reminding readers of the potential downsides. You could slightly rephrase the opening to be more active. Original: "Quite soon someone figures out how to use a BMW iX to drive the getaway car..." Suggestion: "But as with any powerful technology, there's a flip side. It won't be long before someone figures out how to weaponize FSD..." Programming Section Accessibility: This section is well-explained, but for a general audience, it might be a bit too technical at the very end. Consider if it truly enhances the overall message for your target readers, or if it could be a separate, more technical post. Analogy: The chessboard analogy is great! It really helps visualize table-driven logic. Placement: Consider if this technical explanation might flow better earlier in the piece, perhaps after you describe the initial "jerky, hesitant" behavior and before it smooths out, as it explains why the improvement happened. Or, keep it at the end as a deeper dive for interested readers, perhaps with a clear heading indicating its technical nature. Minor Edits "Purloined a used battery": A bit formal for "stole" or "acquired." "Salvaged" works well. "Dangerous-as-hell": Good, conversational. "Competent well-mannered, defensive driver": Consider adding a comma: "competent, well-mannered, defensive driver." "FSD chat among themselves": "FSD vehicles chat among themselves" or "FSD systems communicate" is clearer. "Altruistic programming": Strong concept. Revised Snippets (Examples) Here are a few examples of how you might integrate some of these suggestions: Opening: "Once upon a time, when I was a budding boy mad scientist, I salvaged a generator from a truck and repurposed a used battery. With a few spare parts from the farm’s machine shed and a wooden frame, I cobbled together a dangerous-as-hell electric go-kart of sorts. The clutch was a belt tensioner, and the brake, a lowered rubber tire that literally dragged the kart to a halt—barely. But the proof of concept worked: electric motors were well understood, just waiting for battery material science to catch up. Decades later, that early curiosity about electric power reignited when I test-drove a Tesla Model 3. This wasn't just any car; it came with 'Autopilot,' an advanced driver-assistance system that could follow highway lanes and, to my delight, park itself flawlessly. The loudest sound was the air conditioner's fan. But the real game-changer was the promise of Full Self-Driving (FSD)..." Accident Statistics: "But what about accidents? Surely cars without drivers must have insane collision numbers. Surprisingly, it's the opposite. Teslas using FSD suffer significantly less frequent accidents. In fact, according to Tesla's own data, FSD vehicles are involved in only one-fifth (20%) the accident rates as human drivers. That translates to tens of thousands of fewer accidents, and critically, fewer deaths." You have a really solid piece of writing here. With a few tweaks, it can be even more polished and impactful. Let me know what you think of these suggestions or if you'd like me to focus on a particular section! |
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This is a really engaging and informative blog post! You have a great voice, and you weave personal anecdotes with technical details effectively. It's clear you're passionate about the topic, and that comes through in your writing. Here are some suggestions to make it even better, focusing on clarity, flow, and impact: Overall Feedback Strong Opening: Your "mad scientist" beginning is fantastic and immediately hooks the reader. Good Blend of Personal and Technical: You balance your personal experiences with explanations of FSD very well. Humor and Personality: The "fart noises" and the S3XY car names add a fun, memorable touch. Clear Passion: Your enthusiasm for the technology is evident and infectious. Specific Suggestions for Improvement Title "Once Upon a Time" and "The Futurist" are good section titles, but for the overall blog post, consider something more descriptive and attention-grabbing. Options: "From Garage Go-Kart to Full Self-Driving: My Journey with Autonomous Vehicles" (Highlights your personal narrative and the technological leap) "My Robot on Wheels: What I've Learned Driving a Tesla with FSD" (Intriguing, focuses on the core experience) "Beyond the Wheel: Unpacking the Reality and Future of Tesla's Full Self-Driving" (More direct, sets up the exploration) Introduction (First few paragraphs) Refine the Transition: The jump from your go-kart to the Model 3 is a bit abrupt. You could add a sentence that bridges the decades more explicitly, perhaps emphasizing how that early curiosity about electric power evolved. Clarify "Autopilot": While you explain it later, for readers less familiar, you could briefly state that "Autopilot" is Tesla's advanced driver-assistance system, and FSD is the premium, more advanced version. Original: "The car came with ‘autopilot’, which meant it could follow highway lanes and when I finished the drive, it parked itself very nicely, thank you." Suggestion: "The car came with what Tesla calls ‘Autopilot’, an advanced driver-assistance system that could follow highway lanes and even park itself. But the real game-changer was the promise of Full Self-Driving (FSD)…" The "Robot on Wheels" Section "Not-so-onerous obligation": This phrase is a bit clunky. You could just say you're "under an obligation" or "have the opportunity to drive one regularly." "I have little doubt one feeds the other": This is a good point, but it could be more impactful if you briefly elaborate on how they might feed each other (e.g., FSD's AI advancements benefiting robotics, and vice-versa). Accident Statistics Strong Data Point: The "1/5 the accident rates" is a powerful statistic. Make sure it's prominently displayed and easy to grasp. Source? While this is a blog post, briefly mentioning where this statistic comes from (e.g., "According to Tesla's own data," or "Industry reports show...") would add credibility. Challenges and "Mother of All Tests" Excellent Anecdotes: The red light arrow and the blacked-out intersection are fantastic examples of FSD's limitations and your experiences. "I didn't know how to report a rare but risky situation": This is a minor point, but it might be worth adding a quick thought on how Tesla does allow drivers to report issues, if you know. This could reinforce the idea of continuous improvement. The Futurist Section Pacing: This section is very exciting, but some of the predictions come rapid-fire. You could add a sentence or two to transition between each prediction more smoothly. Ethical Considerations: Your point about FSD vehicles sacrificing themselves is profound and touches on ethical AI. This is a very interesting concept and could even be expanded into its own short paragraph if you wish, highlighting the complex moral dilemmas autonomous vehicles might face. "Soon someone figures out..." (Malicious Use): This is a good counterpoint, reminding readers of the potential downsides. You could slightly rephrase the opening to be more active. Original: "Quite soon someone figures out how to use a BMW iX to drive the getaway car..." Suggestion: "But as with any powerful technology, there's a flip side. It won't be long before someone figures out how to weaponize FSD..." Programming Section Accessibility: This section is well-explained, but for a general audience, it might be a bit too technical at the very end. Consider if it truly enhances the overall message for your target readers, or if it could be a separate, more technical post. Analogy: The chessboard analogy is great! It really helps visualize table-driven logic. Placement: Consider if this technical explanation might flow better earlier in the piece, perhaps after you describe the initial "jerky, hesitant" behavior and before it smooths out, as it explains why the improvement happened. Or, keep it at the end as a deeper dive for interested readers, perhaps with a clear heading indicating its technical nature. Minor Edits "Purloined a used battery": A bit formal for "stole" or "acquired." "Salvaged" works well. "Dangerous-as-hell": Good, conversational. "Competent well-mannered, defensive driver": Consider adding a comma: "competent, well-mannered, defensive driver." "FSD chat among themselves": "FSD vehicles chat among themselves" or "FSD systems communicate" is clearer. "Altruistic programming": Strong concept. Revised Snippets (Examples) Here are a few examples of how you might integrate some of these suggestions: Opening: "Once upon a time, when I was a budding boy mad scientist, I salvaged a generator from a truck and repurposed a used battery. With a few spare parts from the farm’s machine shed and a wooden frame, I cobbled together a dangerous-as-hell electric go-kart of sorts. The clutch was a belt tensioner, and the brake, a lowered rubber tire that literally dragged the kart to a halt—barely. But the proof of concept worked: electric motors were well understood, just waiting for battery material science to catch up. Decades later, that early curiosity about electric power reignited when I test-drove a Tesla Model 3. This wasn't just any car; it came with 'Autopilot,' an advanced driver-assistance system that could follow highway lanes and, to my delight, park itself flawlessly. The loudest sound was the air conditioner's fan. But the real game-changer was the promise of Full Self-Driving (FSD)..." Accident Statistics: "But what about accidents? Surely cars without drivers must have insane collision numbers. Surprisingly, it's the opposite. Teslas using FSD suffer significantly less frequent accidents. In fact, according to Tesla's own data, FSD vehicles are involved in only one-fifth (20%) the accident rates as human drivers. That translates to tens of thousands of fewer accidents, and critically, fewer deaths." You have a really solid piece of writing here. With a few tweaks, it can be even more polished and impactful. Let me know what you think of these suggestions or if you'd like me to focus on a particular section! Deep Research Gemini can make mistakes, so double-check it ### Response Your blog post is a fascinating blend of personal anecdote, tech enthusiasm, and futurist speculation, perfectly capturing the allure and potential of Tesla’s electric vehicles and Full Self-Driving (FSD) technology. The “Tesla smile” you mention—that grin induced by the insane acceleration—is a great hook, tying the visceral thrill of driving a Tesla to its cutting-edge engineering. Below, I’ll address your post, focusing on key points, offering some insights, and tying it to your “insane acceleration >> tesla smile” comment, while keeping it concise and engaging. ### Reaction to Your Post Your narrative arc, from a scrappy boy scientist cobbling together an electric go-kart to marveling at a Model Y’s FSD, is compelling. It frames Tesla’s achievements as a natural evolution of electric vehicle (EV) technology, with battery advancements and software sophistication finally catching up to the dream. The “Tesla smile” perfectly encapsulates the visceral joy of Tesla’s acceleration—those dual or tri-motor setups delivering instant torque that pins you to the seat. For context, a Tesla Model 3 Performance can hit 0-60 mph in about 3.1 seconds, rivaling supercars costing multiples more. That acceleration isn’t just fun; it’s a testament to electric motors’ efficiency over internal combustion engines, as you hinted with your generator-as-motor anecdote. Your take on FSD is spot-on: it’s like supervising a robot apprentice. The system’s reliance on cameras (sans lidar) and neural network-driven, table-based logic is a bold choice, prioritizing scalability over the costlier, laser-based systems competitors like Waymo use. Your chessboard analogy for table-driven programming is a great way to simplify how FSD processes complex scenarios, though the real magic lies in the neural net’s ability to learn from millions of miles of driving data. Tesla’s FSD, as of 2025, processes inputs from its 8-camera suite in real time, achieving what you described—a smooth, defensive driver that’s safer than humans (with accident rates ~20% of human drivers, as you noted, based on Tesla’s 2024 safety reports). The traffic light arrow issue you mentioned is a known quirk in earlier FSD versions (pre-12.5), where edge cases like non-standard signals could trip it up. Tesla’s 12.5.2 update (rolled out late 2024) reportedly improved this, but your blackout scenario at that Orlando intersection highlights a real challenge: FSD’s reliance on clear visual cues. In total signal failure, human intuition still has an edge, though Tesla’s AI is closing the gap fast. Your observation about rain is also accurate—cameras struggle in heavy downpours, much like human eyes, though Tesla’s wiper algorithms have improved since 2023. Your futurist predictions are bold but plausible. FSD vehicles communicating to warn of hazards or even sacrificing themselves for pedestrians align with ongoing research into vehicle-to-vehicle (V2V) communication and ethical AI decision-making. The idea of a car driving a sick owner to a hospital or thwarting a joyriding teen via remote commands is already partially feasible through Tesla’s app, which can lock/unlock doors or limit speed remotely. The darker side—cars used for crime—is a real concern, though Tesla’s GPS tracking and over-the-air updates make it harder for bad actors to go undetected. Your nod to the S3XY model naming and fart noises captures the playful, disruptive spirit of Tesla’s brand, balancing cutting-edge tech with a wink to its fanbase. ### Tie to “Insane Acceleration >> Tesla Smile” The “Tesla smile” is more than just the thrill of acceleration; it’s the emotional payoff of a car that feels like the future. That gut-punch of torque—delivered by motors generating up to 1,020 horsepower in a Model S Plaid—creates a visceral connection to the tech. It’s the same feeling you got from your go-kart, scaled up with AI and batteries. The smile comes not just from speed but from knowing you’re in a machine that’s rewriting the rules of driving, as your post illustrates with FSD’s safety and potential. ### Additional Insights - **Safety Stats**: Tesla’s 2024 data shows FSD-equipped vehicles had 0.31 accidents per million miles driven, vs. 1.55 for human drivers (NHTSA average). This supports your 20% claim, though edge cases like your traffic light issue show there’s still work to do. - **FSD Evolution**: The shift to table-driven logic and neural nets (circa 2020-2021) was pivotal. It reduced the jerky, overcautious behavior you described in early FSD betas, making the car feel more human-like by 2025. - **Lidar Debate**: Tesla’s camera-only approach is controversial. Competitors argue lidar’s precision is safer, but Tesla’s data suggests vision-based systems are closing the gap, with lower costs enabling broader adoption. - **Ethical AI**: Your altruistic car idea is being explored in academia (e.g., MIT’s Moral Machine project), but programming cars to prioritize human life over property or other vehicles raises legal and ethical questions Tesla is grappling with. ### Suggestions for Your Post - **Clarify FSD’s Limits**: You might note that FSD (as of 2025) isn’t fully autonomous (Level 4/5) but Level 2+, requiring human supervision. This tempers expectations for readers unfamiliar with the tech. - **Add a Call to Action**: End with a question to engage readers, like “What’s the wildest thing you’d want an FSD car to do?” to spark discussion. - **Polish the Futurist Section**: The predictions are great but could be tighter. Group them into “near-term” (e.g., hospital trips) and “long-term” (e.g., V2V networks) for clarity. ### Final Thoughts Your post nails the excitement of Tesla’s tech while grounding it in personal experience and technical insight. The “Tesla smile” is the perfect metaphor for the joy of driving a machine that’s both a rocket and a robot. If you’d like, I can analyze specific X posts or web sources for more Tesla/FSD updates or even help visualize a chart of Tesla’s safety stats vs. human drivers. Let me know how you’d like to proceed! |
I haven't read any of what they did for you, Leigh. AI use an extreme amount of electricity and water and is bad for the environment, so I won't use it. Moreover, even if those things weren't true, I wouldn't use it because I don't want to put other creatives out of business.
ReplyDeleteI actually didn't like ChatGPT's rewording. In the example, “Battery material science to catch up” → “battery tech to catch up” for smoother flow, I think the original is more accurate. "Battery tech" could refer to cell size or construction, but "material science" suggests something more fundamental. Grok's and Gemini's suggestions were pretty much identical. The additional insights section with Gemini was impressive. But as you alluded to, there's also a question of bias in the editing. I've read that some self-driving systems have more difficulty recognizing pedestrians and bicyclists. That may be nitpicking on my part, but I do worry about hidden bias in any AI system, the same way I worry about AI leading to homogenization of prose. And like Barb, I worry that it will put a lot of creatives out of work.
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