09 December 2022

Showdown At The OK Towne Centre
(or, A Tale of Two Karens)

Author's note: This is not the first time I've published this tale. However, 'tis the season.

car wreck
2009 © by Lyle

My first Christmas in Cincinnati found me doing my first ever Christmas Eve shopping dash. I ended up at Kenwood Towne Center, the mall nearest the then-in-laws’ place. Big mistake. In looking for a parking place, I wound up in a standoff with another guy waiting for the same parking space to open.

I stared. He stared. Somewhere nearby, a car stereo blared the theme from A Fistful of Dollars. Finally, the car pulled out and away. It was on.

Or was it?

Before I or my nemesis could get our feet off our respective brakes, two women in expensive sedans whipped around us and shot into the same parking space. Or tried to.

As Michio Kaku will explain on his many television appearances, two objects cannot occupy the same space at the same time. What a waste of a Lexus and a BMW.

My nemesis and I got out, looked at each other, then watched the two vicious ladies cuss each other out. One of these ladies was a eucharistic minister at my church at the time.

“You know,” I said to my nemesis, “it’s really not a bad day to walk.”

“I’m parking over by the Kroger,” he said.

“I’ll join you.”

Half the Kroger lot was empty. Nemesis and I parked without incident or conflict.

I suspect the two ladies got lumps of coal in their stockings.


  1. Nice! And in so few words!

  2. Evelyn Couch: Hey! I was waiting for that spot!
    Girl #1: Face it, lady, we're younger and faster!
    [Evelyn rear-ends the other car six times]
    Girl #1: What are you *doing*?
    Girl #2: Are you *crazy*?
    Evelyn Couch: Face it, girls, I'm older and I have more insurance.
    - Fried Green Tomatoes

  3. It's funny, the most Karen-like Karen I've known since high school is named… Karen.

    Merry Christmas!


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