Writing Conferences: Networking vs Connecting

Early in my writing career, I was given the advice to attend writing conferences and network.  

I never liked the word, “network.” It feels transactional. (I am seeking a connection with you because you have something I need or know someone who may benefit my career.) 

Still, I would attend conferences, and they were always nerve-racking events. I’d either try to sell myself, or I was so nervous that I didn’t know what to say.

Until a few years ago, I had an epiphany. 

I was at ThrillerFest, attending a cocktail party, looking out at the sea of people and feeling anxious, as always.  When it hit me. The people in this room, we all share the same passion. We all love stories—reading them and writing them. This is my tribe. How lucky am I to be here. 

And this perspective changed everything for me.

Conferences stopped being about networking and became about connecting—talking about stories, sharing experiences, learning from others, and contributing to a community I cared deeply about. 

When I return home now, I remember these moments long after the conferences are over because they came from an authentic place of genuine interest, curiosity, and enthusiasm. 

If you're reading this and the idea of connecting at conferences still feels awkward or intimidating, consider shifting your mindset. Seek connection, contribution, and curiosity as opportunities to build meaningful relationships, share value, and learn from others. 

Here are a few conversation starters to help you get started:

Connection:

What do you write?

Are you working on something right now you are excited about?

What are you hoping to get out of this conference?

What are you reading?

Which panel did you like the most so far and why?

Contribution:

Share a resource or a tip that may benefit someone else.

Introduce people who may be able to help one another.

Ask about volunteer opportunities at the conference or how you can help support your local writing chapters.

Curiosity:

What’s the best way to work with an editor?

What’s the best resource for anthology calls?

What advice do you have for someone first starting out?

Is there a craft book or podcast you may recommend?

When you focus on connection, contribution, and curiosity, the pressure fades, and you just may create relationships that continue to grow long after the conference is over.

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Feel like exploring this idea more? Check out my conversation with Jeffrey James Higgins at Elaine’s Literary Salon Podcast from November 2025. We talk about the writing community and the difference between networking and connecting. You can listen here. I hope you will check it out.  

Road Tripping: Go Bag for Writers

I can’t believe it’s only a few weeks until Christmas. I’ve been traveling a lot. Between writing retreats, conferences, and vacations with family, my life has been less ho, ho, ho and more go, go, go. On the road, I still try to write whenever I can. So, I created a go bag with the tools I need. 

Here is a look at what’s inside:

Laptop

I love a keyboard. I need it to write. I have tried smaller devices to reduce weight and optimize space. I’ve even tried traveling without my MacBook and always regret it.

Lap Desk

At the Austin Film Festival, I heard a writer and busy mother say that she writes between the seams in her schedule. I feel like my life is the same way. I found a budget-friendly lap desk and write during long drives from the passenger seat, in the carpool line waiting to pick up kids, in coffee shops, and in dinky hotel rooms. 

Refillable Journal

I found this Voyager Refillable Journal in Books to Be Red, an independent bookstore, on Ocracoke Island. It holds three notebooks: lined, dot grid, and blank pages. It is great for research notes, sketching diagrams, and jotting down ideas. The notebooks are small and refillable. Until I found this gem, my note-taking system on the road was random scraps of paper and sending emails to myself which was problematic at best.

Travel Power Strip

I hate playing Twister behind furniture searching for outlets. This USB desktop power strip has been a game changer for me.  I love the outlets are easy to access, and I can charge multiple devices at one time. 

Portable Charger

I’m notorious for forgetting to charge my phone. I often use it as a hotspot when I write. This portable charger has saved me countless times. It is also small and easy to carry.

Snack Pouch

There have been days (I wish more) when the writing has been going well and suddenly, I’m hungry. If I stop to find food, the magic disappears. I keep bags of almonds, dark chocolate, and protein bars with me in a pinch. 

[NOTE: All links provided above are solely for your convenience; I have no financial relationship with the brands or retailers.]

Do you have a go bag for writing? Do you have advice on the best way to write on the road? What tools work for you? 

Please share your ideas in the comments.

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I am delighted to be a recent guest on Elaine's Literary Salon Podcast. I had the best time chatting with Jeffrey James Higgins, about craft, community, and anthologies. You can listen to the podcast here. I hope you stop by.