Why would ANYONE want to write a Novel? (a humorous post)

Wacky thoughts as my 21st novel hits bookstores across the continent...

I actually wrote my first novel on a dare.  This is not a particularly good reason to embark on such an endeavor, and probably illustrates exactly why my kids think I shouldn’t be allowed outside of the condo without a leash.

But true, it is.  Some years ago, I was having a good time at the bar of the Toronto Press Club, and a local columnist (an older guy) said to me, “You’ve written comedy, you’re a syndicated columnist, and you’ve got a slew of short story publications to your name.  Why haven’t you written a novel?”

Upshot, he dared me.  Since then, I have sworn off scotch and older men.

That doesn’t tell the whole story though.

I love writing fiction.  I wrote my first story at eight, and won my first award at eighteen. 

It started even before that.  At four, I was making up stories.  My parents called it lying. I figure that was short-sighted of them.

Still, after 21 books, I have to ask myself, Why would ANYONE want to write a novel?  Truly, I don't understand why so many people do.

Writing a short story is FUN!

Writing a novel is HARD.

It takes me a year to write a 70,000 word novel.  Tons of research and 1000 hours of slumping over a keyboard.  This is a peculiar way to spend your time.  Wouldn’t it be more fun to be out on the golf course?  Or meeting friends for lunch?

Speaking of friends...my pal and colleague Lisa de Nikolits puts it so well:

 "I keep telling myself it's an honour and a privilege to still be on the playing field while so many others aren't and that's true, but still - more work rewarded by more work!"

(Lisa joins us in June for a guest column.) 

I suspect new novelists like to think they will achieve fame with a novel, that they couldn’t achieve with a collection of published short stories in respectable magazines.  I don’t know about that.  That hasn't been my experience.  You can have ten awards, and continual contracts and still not be a household name.  

Not to mention, everybody who can sit at a keyboard feels they have the right to criticize your year's work. 

So why do I do it? I really have to wonder.  I'm not sure the answer below will satisfy even me.

I seem to have this mental illness that involves characters in my head demanding that I write their stories.  If I try to ignore them, it gets awfully noisy in there, and I can’t think.

Or put another way, writing novels is cheaper than a therapist.

Melodie Campbell fights with her characters while thumping out their stories on the shore of Lake Ontario.  Her 21^st book, The Pharaoh’s Curse Murders, is now available at B&N, Amazon, Chapters/Indigo and all the usual suspects..  If you like the humour in The Goddaughter series, look for Pizza Wars, first in a new novella-length series!