22 March 2020

Flash Fiction


I owe John Floyd for the impetus of today’s column, further examples of flash fiction.

Here is a bit of silliness first published in SleuthSayers…

WhiteWash
by Leigh Lundin

Bubbles was a slippery one. She tried to soft-soap me, but I strangled her in the bathtub, no trace, no prints, no evidence.

Me, I hate wet work, but the cops, they said it was a clean kill.

Clearly I had much to learn. This early tale is one of my two favorites…

A Night Out
by Leigh Lundin

"Darling, doesn't this hankie smell like chlorof…"

One of my first, an educational mini-lesson, appeared long ago on Criminal Brief.

The Power of Prepositions
by Leigh Lundin

Aladdin was getting along in years and found that he was unable to pitch a tent as he had done in his youth. Smart as well as lucky, Aladdin still had his magic lamp and, frugal with his wishes, he had one wish left.
He rubbed his lamp and the gĂ©nie appeared. Aladdin begged him, “My camel can no longer thread the needle. Can you cure my erectile impotence?”
Genie said, “I can whisk away your problem.” With that, he rubbed his hands, evoking a puff of billowing blue smoke. Genie said, “I’ve dealt you a powerful spell, but at your age, you’ll be able to invoke it only once a year.”
“How do I use it?” asked Aladdin.
“All you have to do is say ‘one, two, three,’ and it shall rise for as long as you wish, but only once a year.”
Aladdin asked, “What happens when I’m exhausted and I no longer want to continue?”
Genie replied, “All you or your lady have to say is ‘one, two, three, four,’ and it will fade like a Sahara sunset. But be warned: the spell will not work again for another year.”
Aladdin galloped home, eager to try out his new powers of the flesh. That evening, Aladdin bathed away the dust of the desert and scented himself with oil of exotic myrrh. He climbed into bed where his resigned wife lay turned away, about to slip into Scheherazadic dreams.
Aladdin took a deep breath and said, “One, two, three.” Instantly, he became more aroused than he ever had in youth, a magnificent happenstance of tree-trunk proportions.
His wife, hearing Aladdin’s words, rolled back toward him and said, “What did you say ‘one, two, three,’ for?”
And that, dear readers, is why you should not end a sentence with a preposition.

A story inspired by a friend's comment…

Justin Goes to Jail
by Leigh Lundin

Police arrest Justin Bieber and send him to lockup. Dismayed but not disheartened, Bieber writes “Free JB!” on the walls in protest.

That’s when he learns his cellmate is dyslexic.

Following is my other favorite, but the story behind the story is wistful and runs far longer than the super-short piece itself.

My Pal George
by Leigh Lundin

I'm excited! For the first time ever, I'm taking my friend George shark fishing. Some might not understand how I could be so forgiving finding out about him and Joan, but he's my best pal, my chum.

Which did you like?

10 comments:

Jeff Baker said...

Oh, that's good! "Chum?" Cue Hitchcock commenting about the sponsor!

janice law said...

I do like the Shark Fishing!

Paul D. Marks said...

Leigh, I really enjoyed the chloroform st...

John Floyd said...

Great!!! I think chum and Justin are my favorites. I love this stuff . . .

Eve Fisher said...

Chum and Justin in the tie!

Here's my short-short:

Vampira's Lament by Eve Fisher
"I'm tired of midnight - it's cold and it's dark,
and the last man I met said my teeth were too sharp."

Dale Andrews said...

I remembered, and always liked, "Chum".

Leigh Lundin said...

Hi Dale! Good to see you!

Jeff and Janice, thank you. Check the background tale behind the chum story.

Paul, the idea behind the chloroform story came from a friend with a certain infamous hair color. She was rustling through drawers and said, "Is this pepper spraAAAAAAAAARGH!"

John, thanks for your article that permitted me to piggyback. Readers loved it.

I like that, Eve. Dorothy Parker's got nothing on you!

O'Neil De Noux said...

Efficient. Nice writing.

Elizabeth said...

Here is a six-word story I wrote several years ago:

Am I boring you?
Well, anyway ...

Leigh Lundin said...

Hey thanks, O'Neil!

Elizabeth… I like that. Clever.