05 November 2014

Sinking in the Amazon

by Robert Lopresti

About a bad habit (one of many) new authors can get into.  For a tune: think sea chantey.

I'm so proud I can hardly speak
My new novel came out last week
At the web I took a peek
To see how the sales went on
    They were low but began to rise
    I thought I was in for a sweet surprise
    All of a sudden, right before my eyes
    I was sinking in the Amazon
Sinking in the Amazon!
Sinking in the Amazon!
Where have all my readers gone?
I was sinking in the Amazon

My friends swore they would buy my book
Critics said it was worth a look
These sales figures have got me shook
This duckling should be a swan
    Some bad novels are doing well
    But my little masterpiece does not sell
    And while it drops toward the pits of hell
    I am sinking in the Amazon

Sinking in the Amazon!
Sinking in the Amazon!
Fiction should outsell non-
I am sinking in the Amazon

I stared so hard I began to squint
I wished these numbers would take a hint
I act like the sales race is a sprint
When I know it's a marathon
    Buy my book and the numbers lift
    Pass me by and the patterns drift
    Maybe my Uncle Ed needs a gift!
    I'm sinking in the Amazon

Sinking in the Amazon!
Sinking in the Amazon!
Is my career a con?
I am sinking in the Amazon

I know that I should be writing more
But now I really can't tell what for
If my books just squat in the big e-store
When they ought to fly hither and yon
    How can I make  my brain gears mesh?
    The spirit's weak and so's the flesh
    I slip to that site and I hit refresh
    And I'm sinking in the Amazon

Sinking in the Amazon!
Sinking in the Amazon!
Deader than Babylon
Sinking in the Amazon


Fran Rizer said...

Rob, this is great! I'd love for you to record it and post your performance.

janice law said...

Give it a catchy tune and name it the Writer's Blues!

Melodie Campbell said...

Definitely, this needs to be put to music! Oh Lordy - and we can sing it at Bouchercon opening ceremonies, Rob!

Robert Lopresti said...

Thanks, ladies. I have the tune. Just need the time to record it. And maybe a chorus to back me up...

Eve Fisher said...

Count me in for applause if not backup!

R.T. Lawton said...

Rob, well said.
Unfortunately, I won't be able to join the chorus. Kiti won't even let me sing in church. She keeps elbowing me and saying, "Hush, they can hear you."

Dale Andrews said...

Nicely done, Rob. It sparked a memory of a very funny piece recorded years back by Don McLean on the same subject. Like everything nowadays that piece is readily available (thank you, Google). Here it is -- and I recommend the investment of three minutes!


David Dean said...

Wonderful, Rob, and very funny! Of course it would be a lot funnier if I couldn't relate so damn well to the lyrics.

Dixon Hill said...

I'm rolling here, buddy. Great song! Can't wait to hear your recording when it's finished.


Leigh Lundin said...

The ladies are right, RT speaks for me, and Dale's choice is epic. (applause)

C.S.Poulsen said...

Love the lament! Definitely add guitar to go with the bouncy rhythm and post!