What Is Up With That, Anyway?

A personal Saturday Night Live favorite is "What Up with That?" The sketch features Kenan Thompson as a flamboyant BET talk show host unable to stick to his already out-there format. This loveable pile of silliness is becoming vintage, having appeared not once but twelve times since 2009. On paper, the skit shouldn't have worked even once. On stage, it keeps me grinning, and this can teach something about writing funny stuff.

Yes, twelve times. No one can wear out a successful skit like SNL. If an idea catches fire, each next outing--and they'll come often--clings to the original set-up. "What Up with That" is no exception--with a sub-exception I'll get back to later. 

The "What Up with That" formula goes like so:

1. A hype man announcer (various cast members) introduces host Diondre Cole (Thompson) and three celebrity guests. The hype man says we'll tackle the events of the day...with soul.
2. Diondre breaks into the rousing theme song and keeps at it, crowding the camera and immediately undercutting any sense we'll be tackling serious topics. His house band includes a Kenny G knock-off (Giuseppe, played by Fred Armisen), back-up singers Pippa and Poppy (various cast members), and a beat boy forever busting the Running Man (Vance, played by Jason Sudeikis).  
3. Diondre finally remembers to start the show. It doesn't take. He loses focus and relaunches the theme, ever more in gospel style. 
4. An exhausted but beaming Diondre gets around to his guests. Legit celebrities, too. The third guest, until 2021 anyway, is invariably Lindsay Buckingham (Bill Hader). The bit goes that Buckingham has been booked, bumped, and re-booked on every show for twelve years--only again and again to get bumped for time. 
5. No sooner does Guest #1 start plugging their stuff than the house drummer lures Diondre back into yet more theme song. Diondre brings out random freaky associates, including disco flutists and Europop acts and a sexed-up banjo player. The big number devolves into a mini-carnival.
6. Predictably, Diondre runs out of time before getting back to his guests. Buckingham goes through the stages of irritation to good sport acceptance of yet another bumping. 
7. The show closes to--wait for it--Deondre and his whole shebang grooving on the theme music.

Summarizing this gleeful mess doesn't do it justice. Here are a few prime examples:

• 2009, where Deondre got his break. 
• 2012, the "education edition."
• 2021, the Halloween edition.

SNL almost didn't run that first "What Up with That." Not everyone likes their humor this over the top. Hell, Diondre sails over any top and up past the stratosphere. Some folks may laugh, and some folks may change the channel. Diondre's lesson one for humor writers: Funny to me may not be funny to you. Accept that and plow toward your north star.

Which Thompson did. The skit was his idea, and he sold it to the SNL doubters. Thompson saw something the writers missed. Thompson saw Diondre would pop if only the actor fully committed. In an interview with Rolling Stone, Thompson explained how he understood Diondre Cole and what must've been his failed preacher backstory. Some part of Diondre might really want to talk issues. He won't because he just can't. He's there to put on his kind of extravaganza. The lesson here is, if you're going to go there on a character, go all the way. A half-hearted Diondre flops royally. 

Thompson has the skills to bring Diondre alive. He still needs a weird world to thrive inside. Smartly, the template surrounds him with complementary characters. The band's tireless groove echoes his endearing obsessions. The volume and ridiculousness of his walk-ons suggest his entourage is a non-stop spectacle. For a counterpoint, the guests are usually name actors or public figures playing themselves--and playing it straight. Their bewilderment of Diondre hogging the air time grounds the silliness.

I mentioned a sub-exception earlier. This skit did wear thin as SNL went to the "What Up with That" well a ton. I've never gotten tired of it, though, to include just now rewatching on YouTube. What keeps me laughing isn't that Diondre wastes the entire show rehashing his theme. It's how Diondre wastes it, how he can't help but be egged into it. Diondre can't stop, won't stop, and even has those walk-on interruptions ready off-stage to amp up the party. 

And look, I've run out of word count. 

We'll wrap with my main humor takeaway. I spent 700 words parsing through comic dynamics--and I did not make you laugh. Nothing kills humor like explanation. "What Up with That" never bothers to explain itself. The skit doubles and triples down on the premise, constantly asking but never answering the very question Diondre's spectacle presents: What is up with that, anyway?

The Best Website about Best Books

I’ll bet the last time you wanted to get some suggestions for a product you planned to buy, you hopped online and searched for something like: “Best vacuum cleaners for people with pets,” “Best sugar-free bacon,” “Best electric cars,” or “Best reciprocating saws.” Don’t laugh: these are actual searches I’ve performed in recent months. If you’re an English speaker, when you’re doing this kind of search it just seems natural to stick the word “best” at the beginning of the sentence. Each time, the web rewarded me with not one but multiple pages offering capsule reviews of products I might want to consider. The quality of those reviews (and the writing) was all over the map, but at least they highlighted a lot of different brands and items that I would never have known about.

You could do the same with books, but I suspect many people interested in finding books to read a) browse a bookstore or library, b) ask friends and fellow book club members, c) mine book reviews, or d) pop over to a certain gigantic online retailer and look at the books that site’s faceless recommendation engine suggested for them.

A new site called Shepherd.com skips the recommendation engine in favor of recommendations by creators of fiction and nonfiction alike. Shepherd often (but not always) employs the same “best” nomenclature that came naturally to me when I was thinking of making that ill-advised bacon-and-Sawzall run with my dog. More than 7,000 writers have already contributed lists to Shepherd on such topics as “Best books about the Battle of the Bulge,” “Best books about the Dalai Lama,” and “the best mysteries that let you explore major cities of Italy.” Shepherd currently has more than 20,000 nonfiction and 16,000 fiction titles in its system, and is growing daily.

I first learned about the site when its creator, Ben Fox, contacted my wife to contribute a list on one of her areas of expertise, “Best books about the Manhattan Project.” Ben is an American entrepreneur who lives with his young family in Portugal. He’s a data geek and voracious reader. How voracious? When I asked, he sent me a spreadsheet listing the number the books he’s read since 2010, categorized by fun books and serious books, and converted to percentages. In this way, I learned that his most recent high-water reading year was 2020, during which he consumed 193 books, 94 percent of them for pleasure. Sure, Covid lockdowns in Europe no doubt had something to do with his pace, but his personal book consumption has hit triple-digit territory for the last 13 years!

He started the website by focusing on nonfiction titles because, he says, people actively search on Google for nonfiction topics. He has since branched out into fiction, with an emphasis on genre fiction.

The format is simple. Authors recommend five books by other authors on a topic that is germane to their expertise. At the top of that list, they’re allowed to include a sixth book—one of their own that aligns with the topic—and their bio, links to their socials, and their website. As each list enters Shepherd’s system, authors and books begin cross-pollinating. My wife’s books were recommended by other authors, and eventually there’s a rich well of recommendations that readers can investigate: “Oh, Denise wrote that book about WWII that I was interested in. But now I see that other writers have recommended her book on Thanksgiving. I gotta check that out.” The more people in the system, the deeper that interconnectivity becomes. As each writer contributes a list of five books, Ben contacts the authors of those five books and asks if they would consider contributing a list as well.

My wife and I were early adopters, so we routinely get emails from writers asking us if Shepherd is some kind of scam, to which I always respond no. The one catch is that Shepherd doesn’t pay authors for these capsule reviews. That’s a turnoff for many, but if you’ve ever launched a book, you know that publishers often encourage you to write reams of blog posts, articles, Q&As, and op-eds for news organizations and other websites. These are almost always written for zero payment, for sites that are often of dubious quality. Writers do it because we gotta promote, gotta promote, gotta promote.

In Shepherd’s case, at least the site is helping sell books. Ben proved this to me once in a Zoom call in which he shared his screen and showed us how he could track just how many clicks on a book title had resulted in a sale. Right now the site gets about 14,000 visitors a day, about 400,000 a month in good months. The goal is to hit 1 million a month in 2023. The site supports itself on ads and affiliate link payments from that online behemoth retailer I referred to earlier, and Bookshop.org. If a book of yours sells, you and Shepherd both make money.

Currently any author of a book can submit a list. But there are some rules. You do have to contact them first and pitch the idea. (See the author site here.) If you’re writing a book series, you can only promote the first one in your series. You have to stick to Shepherd’s format and guidelines, which they’ll help you do.

Ben believes that when it comes to books, a recommendation from a human—especially an author—carries more weight than a rec generated by an algorithm. Can’t say I disagree.

***

How two pages look on the site:

A topic page linking to numerous author lists...

A single author page...

***

See you in three weeks!




Joe

josephdagnese.com

A Hospital is No Place for Sick People

My husband was in the hospital a couple of weeks ago for a few days - and while it was very scary, he is back home now, and doing better than he has for a long time.  I spent most of the time there with him (which is why I didn't comment on everyone's posts, my apologies), because God knows everyone in a hospital needs an advocate to listen to what everyone's saying and to write it down.  When you're undergoing treatments and changes in medications and constant barrage of doctors, nurses, and physical therapists, it's easy to lose track of what's going on unless someone will take notes.  That's me!

But there were quiet times, like when he was asleep and there weren't any nurses around, and my mystery mind went into high gear with a few ideas, such as what crimes can be committed in a hospital with witnesses able to come in at any moment? Not to mention cameras and all this machinery that beeps and bings if you so much as look at it? And medication that is carefully rationed and doled out? 

As a visitor / family member, I came to the conclusion that it's hard.  Oh, there are some things that are possible. For example, a hospital is not a "fine and private place", and family, visitors, and God knows who are always wandering the halls.  So who knows what they could pick up in other rooms under the guise of "recognizing" someone and popping in to say hello?  Especially in a rural area, where everyone knows everyone else, and it would be natural to see how old Mrs. Warmbly is doing.  The staff (who are rarely local) doesn't necessarily know that Mrs. Warmbly is the most hated woman in town.  That opens up a whole vista of plot twists, doesn't it?  

Now if you're medical personnel, a lot is possible.  Most nurses, orderlies, etc., are the greatest people on earth, and doctors are not only mostly fantastic (if unintelligible because they will use long medical terms for everything and expect you to understand it) but simply don't have the time to do much evil, even if they were so inclined.  

And yet it does happen.  There's a certain amount of drug addiction in the medical profession, because there's a lot of access.  The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak...  There have been cases of abuse, usually when the patient is mentally and physically incapacitated.  

And there are some cases where you wonder why it isn't done more often.  There was a man across the hall from my husband's room who spent most of his time screaming at the nurses and staff.  He wasn't going to take those meds.  He wasn't going to drink that stuff - "If I do that I'll piss all over the bed!" And when the nurse suggested a Depends, he went into a web of profanity that could have sopped up a quart of anything.  He didn't like the food, he didn't want to go for a walk, he wasn't going to do therapy, he wanted, he didn't, he wouldn't....  I learned just about everything about this man except why he thought being a complete jerk would get him what he wanted.  And how the medical staff kept from killing him...

And, of course, there's a lot of mysteries and thrillers set in hospitals.  The first one I ever read was Robin Cook's Coma, which still scares the hell out of me.  It was also made into a movie, starring Genevieve Bujold, and directed by Michael Crichton, who wrote (among other things) The Andromeda Strain.  Oh, and I really wouldn't recommend checking into a hospital after watching Stephen King's Kingdom Hospital.

Or even 1971's The Hospital, written by Paddy Chayefsky and starring George C. Scott, Diana Rigg, and a cast-against-type Barnard Hughes.  Razor sharp script, gallows-humor farce, and yes, it's over the top, but what else would you expect from the author of Network and Altered States?  

BTW, I love all three of those movies.  Peter Finch was unforgettable in Network, and Altered States was the debut of William Hurt and Drew Barrymore.  BTW, Paddy Chayefsky hated the way Ken Russell filmed his complex dialog, having the actors say their lines while making coffee, eating, walking from room to room - but I loved it.  It was one of the first times that I saw "real people" talking in the movies.

Also, when it comes to movies, you can say what you like, but whenever you want something that will drown you in words, music, and delirium without drugs, watch a Ken Russell movie.  Over the top?  Hell yes.  Fantastic?  Very often, yes:  Altered States, Women in Love, The Devils, The Music Lovers (which outed Richard Chamberlain long before he ever outed himself), Tommy...  

And, speaking of over the top, let's not forget Robert Altman's M.A.S.H., the ultimate black comedy anti-war movie - that undoubtedly couldn't be made in this day and age for all kinds of reasons - which ended up being one of the most beloved TV shows in history (11 seasons, and the finale is still the most highly rated show EVER).  BTW, Altman despised the TV series, calling it "the antithesis of what we were trying to do" with the movie.  (Wikipedia)

Besides being one hell of a comedy, M.A.S.H. was a groundbreaker.  From the loudspeaker announcements (which often broke through the 4th wall), to the theme song Suicide is Painless (read the lyrics some time), and vignettes that verge on the blasphemous (the Last Supper for Painless' suicide) - it's quite a ride.  If you haven't seen it for a while, take it out for a spin.  It's good.  And it's 1970 summed up in one movie.

BTW - M.A.S.H., Network, and The Hospital all won Oscars for Best Screenplay.

Here's What Happened

Please welcome a special guest.  Kaye George is an award-winning  writer.  As you will see below she writes novels in two very different series: one is cozy, the other not so much historical as pre-historical.  She has also published more than fifty short stories.

 — Robert Lopresti

 Here’s What Happened

by Kaye George

Writers live a little and die a little routinely. We’re used to it. I hope. Well, we’re not born used to it. We have to get that way.

When we first start sending queries out to agents, we die a little as each rejection rolls in. Facing rejection, no matter what kind, stings. Rejection when no one likes what you cooked, what you planned to see on TV, how you wear your hair. A lot of effort, toil and trouble, is rejected by an agent or publisher.

An occasional rave rejection (I loved this, but…) gives us a little boost. And when I say “we” I mean “me.” Those are my experiences.

Most mystery writers struggle to place the first book. They are (I was) always looking for advice, the magic formula. How in the heck do you DO it? How do you get someone’s attention and get published, so everyone can read your deathless prose? Your flawless gems of literature, pearls of wisdom? Your Great American Novel? (Make sure you don’t ever use clichés.)

Here’s what happened (well, no, not The Great American Novel, if that’s what you’re thinking)—I had an idea. A brilliant one, of course. A writer with an ancient Roman main character (or maybe Greek, I forget which) said his work was popular, because “the further back you go, the better.” I thought, Hey! I can go back way further than that.

I put aside my Great American Novel, the mystery I’d been working on for 15-20 years, and changed direction.

My love of fossil hunting, fostered by a friend’s family in junior high who took me with them on a couple of trips (I found a beautiful trilobite once!), morphed into an interest in ancient peoples. At about the time I read the above quote, scientists were working on the genome of a Neanderthal whose tiny scrap of DNA had been acquired. Eventually, the whole thing was sequenced. Then new discoveries about these ancient relatives were being published almost weekly and I devoured all of them. One of them was red-headed and freckled! Imagine that!

The next step, since I’d been writing and writing, and collecting all those rejections, was to write a Neanderthal mystery. Tons of research was involved, and many hours of writing, rewriting, getting feedback on what worked and what didn’t—mostly what didn’t. But eventually, after over a year of hard labor, I had a novel I was proud of, so I started to shoot it out. More than one agent broke my heart, telling me how much they loved it and how they weren’t going to take it. “Better than Jean Auel,” one of them said, “but I don’t know how to sell it.”

At the time, I was envisioning this project as a Harry Potter sort of phenomenon, young adult crossover. Instant best seller. Worldwide success. Sell it to Scholastic!! I wanted to reply to those who didn’t know what to do with it. Scholastic published Harry Potter. Surely they’ll want this.  

After a year of querying and over 100 rejections, I was so disheartened, I decided to do the things everyone had told me NOT to do. I was angry. I wrote a character who was TSTL (too stupid to live), an inept detective with a funny name, Imogene Duckworthy. I put her in a single-wide, living with her obese mother, and gave her a child out of wedlock. I would show them. NO ONE would like this mystery!

She made every blunder, did everything wrong, and still solved crimes. I had so much fun breaking all the rules. To be honest, I’m not sure what I expected, but it was not an acceptance. I would get this out of my system, then go back to writing real mysteries.

You can guess what happened next, since I’ve written all this build up.  It was the first novel of mine accepted for publication. Huh? People liked it.

There’s no formula for mystery-writing, no matter what they say. There is no rule that cannot be broken. It remains one of my most popular series, three books were published and a fourth, Stroke, is coming soon. They have been consistently selling for over 10 years. The Neanderthal one, Death in the Time of Ice, sold too, eventually, and two more in that series, to Untreed Reads—the same people bringing out the fourth Imogene Duckworthy on April 11. They are an awesome outfit.

Here’s the thing. New writers, I have no advice for you. You can follow the rules and have great success, or great failure. You can break all the rules and the same things might happen.

All I know is, this planet is a strange place. Good luck to all of us.

Three More Great Books

In early January, I shared three books I'd recently read and loved. Now I'm back with three more books I've read since then. I highly recommend them all.

Finlay Donovan is Killing It by Elle Cosimano 

The main character is a crime writer single mom who's overheard in a coffee shop talking with her agent about her novel-in-progress. The woman who overhears her misunderstands all the talk about murder and thinks Finlay is a hitwoman. She tries to hire Finlay to murder her husband. Finlay has no desire to commit murder, but she does need money ...

This 2021 novel is well crafted with great characters, voice, and humor. It's surprising and refreshing. One twist after another. It also has a great first line: "It's a widely known fact that most moms are ready to kill someone by eight thirty A.M. on any given morning." (I would have deleted the A.M., but that's a copy-editing quibble.) 

This is the first book in a so-far three-book series. If you like audio books, the reader, Angela Dawe, is marvelous.

A Bad Day for Sunshine by Darynda Jones

Single mom Sunshine Vicram has just moved to her hometown in New Mexico with her teenage daughter, Auri, and she's starting her new job as sheriff. On her first day at work, a teenager goes missing--the one friend her daughter had in town. And the story is off and running.

The story is told from Sunshine's and Auri's perspectives, and while it deals with heavy issues, the book has a lot of humor built in. The town is full of quirky characters and some dark ones too. The book has a great voice and likeable characters, and the writing is heartfelt at times too. This novel came out in 2020, and there have been two more in the series since then. 

Fairy Tale by Stephen King

I'll start by saying this isn't a crime novel; it's fantasy (though there is crime in it). Those of you who know me know I mostly read crime, so I figure it's a good idea to point that out at the start. This story stars seventeen-year-old Charlie, who becomes a caretaker to an ailing older neighbor and the man's elderly dog, Radar. Charlie eventually learns that a locked shed in the man's backyard hides a spiral stairway (shown on the cover) that leads to another world--a magical world--beneath the earth. In that world, known as Empis, evil forces have taken control. When Charlie takes Radar to the other world to try to save the dog's life, he finds himself on a hero's journey to save not only Radar but all the people of Empis--and ultimately himself. Charlie ends up living a fairy tale.

I haven't read a lot by King. I saw too many TV commercials about his books in the '80s that looked way too scary for me. But the few of his books (his non-horror books) I've read have been up my alley. And this book (published last year) is magnificent. I was quite surprised to read recently that King doesn't plot his books in advance, because this book is really well plotted with story and word-choice details built in from the very beginning that pay off as the book proceeds. (He must be a hell of a reviser.) The book has amazing world building and a whole lot of other great stuff: characters, story, suspense, and writing. It's long (more than 600 pages long; the audio book goes for 24 hours), but I didn't mind because I loved it--the story, the kid, and (surprise surprise), the dog. If you check it out, I hope you'll feel the same.

Happy reading!

And if you're looking for something to read other than these three great books, I hope you'll check out my short story "Beauty and the Beyotch," which is a current finalist for the Agatha Award. It's available on my website. You can read it by clicking here. 

What Makes You A Writer?

Some writers say you're not a real writer unless you write every day. I heard this view espoused by Walter Mosley at NoirCon in 2022. I hope his admirers realize that writing every day will never make you write like Walter Mosley. The divine spark can't be codified or taught. And speaking of the divine spark, many think it doesn't count unless you'd keep writing even if you knew nobody would ever see your work, unless you experience withdrawal symptoms whenever you try to stop. My fellow SleuthSayer Steve Liskow has described having this experience. Not me. Divine spark, yes. Withdrawal, no. If I was absolutely sure no one would ever see it? I don't think so. Writing is meant to give me a voice, not a tree falling in the forest.

An unpublished writer is in limbo. To many, you're a real writer, ie an author, only when you're published. They even have a variety of rules about where you're published and how and what you earn from your writing. There's an insidious doubt in many writers' hearts that even if you think you're a writer—and have the blood, sweat, tears, and hundreds of thousands of words to prove it—you're not a writer unless others think you're a writer. As King Lear said, that way madness lies. Not that that stops us.

In 2007, I wrote the following in a blog post titled "Pre-Published Writers and the Glass Slipper":

Back at Halloween, I went to visit my granddaughters and found the 3-year-old decked out in full regalia as a Disney Cinderella. Young Cinderella reenacted the fairy tale over and over all afternoon, kicking off her transparent shoe (“Oh, no! I’ve lost my glass slipper!”) and trying it on again. There wasn’t any prince in her version of the story, and she was in no hurry to get to the happy ending. Instead, before trying to fit the shoe on her foot, she would slip something into it— a sock, a plastic spoon, a finger puppet—leaving no room for her foot. “Oh, no!” she would moan. “I’m not Cinderella!”

I’m reminded of how awful it sometimes felt to be a writer who had not succeeded in finding a publisher for whom my manuscript was a perfect fit, especially in the twentieth century. That would be before I found the legendary Guppies, my first network of other writers who knew exactly how hard it is and that talent gets most of us nowhere without incredible persistence and that bit of luck that can’t be willed or forced.

Back in the 1970s, when I was writing and then trying to sell my first three mystery manuscripts, I remember being asked a cocktail party, “What do you do?” “I’m a writer,” I said. “What have you published?” my inquisitor asked. “Nothing yet,” I said. “I’m working on a novel.” The guy’s eyes glazed over and he drifted away.

Today, I’d have a lot to say to my younger self...I could offer helpful suggestions...“Don’t let anybody call you a wannabe,” I would say. “You’re pre-published. Keep writing, keep revising, and keep sending out. Your mantra is “talent, persistence, and luck.”

For many years, I kept a Peanuts cartoon pinned up on my bulletin board. It showed Charlie Brown lying on his back on top of Snoopy’s doghouse, reading a rejection letter. “Your novel stinks,” it says. “I’ve never read such a terrible piece of writing. Stop trying to be an author.” In the last frame, Charlie Brown says, “It’s probably a form rejection letter.” The trouble with writers is that we need the hide of an elephant, but many of us have the skin of a grape, and most of us lack Charlie Brown’s optimism. An agent or editor writes (as they do so frequently), “Not for me” or “I didn’t fall in love with this.” “Oh, no!” we moan, like Cinderella. “I’m not a writer!”

I’m a lot better writer than I was when I started sending the first version of my book to agents. I was impatient and had to learn from my mistakes. I’m also a much better writer than I was at the age of seven, when I first said, “I’m a writer.” Looking back, I can see it served me better to keep saying, “I’m a writer” and keep on writing than to get so discouraged I stop writing because any given agent or editor’s glass slipper doesn’t fit my manuscript. So here’s another mantra for those working hard to achieve first publication: “I’m a writer. I’m a writer. I’m a writer.”

Back to 2023: Since I wrote all of the above, my writing has continued to develop. I've found my, ahem, mature voice. Over time, I've given up completely on commercial success. I don't have to convince myself of anything. I don't care whose eyes glaze over when I say, "I don't have a new novel," or, "I'm writing short stories these days."

And as for marketing my work, two days ago (April Fools Day—coincidence?) I woke up in the morning from a dream in which I ranted at a blogger, "I don't care if I'm on NPR! Ten or twenty years ago I would have killed to be on NPR, but not at my age!" Hmm.

What makes you a writer?

The Chocolate Cherry Crime Wave

Cosette does not appear
in this article.

R.T. Lawton and others have written about Les Misérables. That great novel comprised a number of threads woven together and parted again to accommodate other stories. Think of this as a strand arising from Victor Hugo’s work. In this tale, think of me as Bishop Myriel, while my petite mother played one tough Inspector Javert. And Cosette… Okay, there’s no Cosette. Sorry.

My mother stood nearly five-foot-nothing (150cm, or, for the more worldly among us, about ⅝ of a Hobbit). Like Smaug, she breathed fire. She was fearsome. Mess with her, and she’d reach up and smack you in the kneecap. My 6’4 (193cm) father was usually a calming influence… usually.

I was wrapping up a lengthy, year-end consulting gig in Columbus, Ohio. That particular time I lived at a large, sprawling motel, not far from the Busch Beer Brewery, although lager has nothing to do with this incident.

Following six straight months of work, I mentioned to my parents my project was winding down and I was due for a break. My dad came up with an excuse to visit Ohio, and thus my folks offered to pick me up and tote me home for the Christmas holidays. I agreed.

The hotel staff and particularly the chambermaid, whom we’ll call ‘Val Jean’, had been kind and considerate of my cave, working around the clutter of work papers and my vampire hours.

After half a year’s occupancy, my hotel room had morphed. Computer discs and software listings covered tables and chests. A computerized chess board spread across a bench. Pairs of never-quite-dry swim trunks hung on the bathroom shower rod. And, next to the television sat an oversized box of chocolate cherries my mother had sent me.

No, er, Few cherries were harmed
in the making of this production.

I allowed myself one or two a day, but soon I noticed the chocolates box becoming lighter. While I gnoshed on the upper tray, cherry chocs were disappearing from the layer beneath. My legendary detective skills kicked in, locking in on The Case of the Disappearing Cherries.

I found it amusing: My unseen cleaning lady had a sweets addiction. Her weakness was entertaining, almost endearing. She had to know I knew. An odd relationship developed. I left the candy box in place, occasionally noting the declining numbers.

My project finished and the day came for my departure. My parents arranged to pick me up. As we were clearing out the room, I made the mistake of mentioning the mysterious Cherry Chocolate Bandit.

Carting clothes and computers down to their car took a few trips. Mom disappeared for several minutes. Upon my final return, my mother wore a look of self-satisfaction. My dad shook his head sadly.

“What?” I said.

Mom drew herself up to nearly Munchkin height. “I took care of the candy thief. I reported her to the front desk.”

“You what? Oh no. Why?”

She folded her arms, ready to bite someone in the ankle.

“I ordered those for my son, not a motel maid.”

“Mom, I don’t mind she ate a few chocolates. She dusted around expensive computers and hard drives. Books, my passport, even my wallet when I swam… nothing else was touched. I have to fix this.”

My father tried to explain to Mom management wouldn’t simply lecture the employèe. They would hear only the word ‘steal’ and be compelled to fire her. As Mom and Dad trailed behind, I jogged down to the front desk.

I’m pretty bad at lying and the manager surely knew it. Not wanting our Val Jean to lose her job, I explained I’d given her permission, rationalizing that in a way I had. In the corner of my eye, my mother appeared less righteous and more stricken.

The manager said she’d take care of it. I paid up and departed, uncertain what the manager meant.

My mother’s Irish temper cooled and my upset faded, but the incident cast a pall over the holiday. Hotel housekeeping is hard, grueling work. What if the woman lost her job days before Christmas?

Mom had a way of doing the right thing. Christmas Eve, a card appeared with a Mom note inside. She’d checked with the hotel management. ‘Val Jean’ still worked at the motel.

Abruptly, the holiday felt a whole lot less Misérable.

Taking Stock of the Markets

  

Over the past several weeks it's been my pleasure to participate in several Zoom sessions with other writers and writers' groups. I always learn something from these events, and one thing I've come to expect are lots of questions and comments about markets for short stories--and specifically short mystery stories. All of us seem to like talking (and hearing) about places we might be able to sell what we write. 

So, as I was stewing over what to post today, I decided it might be helpful (at least to me, who needed to come up with something so I don't get thrown out of the SleuthSayers tent) to make some observations about current crime-fiction magazines.

Here are ten of them, in no particular order.

NOTE: All these are paying markets and all have, at one time or another, published my stories.

1. Alfred Hitchcock's Mystery Magazine -- Editor: Linda Landrigan. Established 1955. AHMM takes submissions year-round via their own online submission system, pays on acceptance, publishes six issues a year, and provides three author copies on or before the publication date. Once submitted, your story can be tracked anytime by accessing their system--it shows a list of all your submissions by date, along with status (open/closed) and category (received/accepted/rejected). Response times seem to run from 12 to 14 months, whether a story is accepted or rejected (probably because Linda has often said she personally reads every story submitted), and there's also a long wait time between acceptance and publication. As for preferences, AH will consider any story that includes a crime as a part of its plot, and they have been receptive to cross-genre stories like westerns, humor, paranormal/fantasy, etc.--I had a western there this past fall and I have a science-fiction story coming up soon. Multiple submissions are allowed, but most authors agree that you should space them out a bit--and I also try not to overload the system by having too many stories (more than, say, four or five) awaiting a decision at any one time. They require previously unpublished stories of up to 12,000 words, and have occasionally published flash mysteries of under 1000. Payment is between 5 and 8 cents a word. The longest of my AHMM stories, if it matters, was about 13,000 words and the shortest was 1200 (the first story I sold them, back in 1995).

2. Ellery Queen's Mystery Magazine -- Editor: Janet Hutchings. Established 1941.  EQMM and AHMM are sister publications and are a part of Dell Magazines, but they do not read each other's submissions. In other words, you should feel free to send AHMM a story that EQMM has rejected, and vice versa. Like AH, EQ publishes only original stories (no reprints), they publish six issues a year, they accept submissions year-rouind, and they use a similar online submission system. They also pay on acceptance and send the author three complimentary copies of issues in which their stories appear. An interesting thing about EQMM is that they have a Department of First Stories geared to those writers who have not yet published a short story (this is a great advantage to those who qualify). I've found that response times for rejections seem to run anywhere from several weeks to three months, and acceptances from three to five months. The longer they keep a story without a response--at least in my experience--the better the result. Time between acceptance and publication can, again, be a long while; they currently have one story of mine that was submitted in October 2021 and accepted in February 2022. Preferences: Janet seems less likely than Linda to take westerns or stories with otherworldly elements (though they've occasionally done so), and EQMM seems to especially like stories that are notably unique or different in some way--but once again, any story that includes a crime is considered a mystery and is fair game. Multiple submissions are fine, and I try to follow the same rules at EQ as I do at AH: space out the submissions and try not to pack the queue with too many stories that have not yet received a response. They will consider stories up to 12,000 words in length, though their preferred range is 2500 to 8000, and they occasionally publish flash mysteries. Like AHMM, their pay is between 5 and 8 cents a word. My longest EQMM story was 7500 words and the shortest was 3600--and I've also sold them two "mystery poems." NOTE: EQ doesn't say anything specifically about simultaneous submissions (AH does; it allows them), but I still don't do it, for either of the Dell magazines. When I send a story to AH or EQ, I don't send that story anyplace else until I've gotten a response first. My opinion only.

3. The Strand Magazine -- Editor: Andrew F. Gulli. Established 1999 in Birmingham, Michigan, as a rebirth of the old Strand Magazine in London. They prefer stories between 2000 and 6000 words and have no set submission period, and require previously unpublished stories. Their policy is to not respond to a submission unless it's an acceptance, but acceptances--when they do happen--come fairly quickly and accepted stories usually appear in the very next issue, so there's not much wait time before publication. They publish three or four issues a year and four or five stories in each issue. Payment amounts vary. Of the stories I've sold to the Strand, the longest was 10,000 and the shortest 2500, and I average around 5000, which is (as stated earlier) in their target range. Other preferences: The editor has said he likes stories with plot twists, and they usually avoid stories with paranormal elements. One submission tip: Be sure to include a phone number in the contact info on the first page of your manuscript--Andrew has on several occasions notified me of an acceptance via a phone call, and not only recently; he called me in response to my very first submission to the Strand in 1999. Most of my submissions there have been straight crime stories, one of which was a private eye story.

4. Black Cat Mystery Magazine -- Editor: Michael Bracken. Established 2017. BCMM does not receive submissions year-round, only in announced submission periods. Their site says they publish two to four issues a year. There's no set response time, but I've found they usually reply in a few months--no overly long waits. They require previously unpublished stories. Preferences: Michael has a number of style and formatting restrictions you need to know about in the guidelines, available at the website. Also, submitted stories should have no otherworldly content. If there are what appear to be paranormal elements in the plot, those should be resolved and shown to be real-world before the end of the story (those Bigfoot tracks were really the work of Billy Ray Gooberbrain, playing tricks on his brother). Most of my stories there have been undiluted crime-suspense stories (one was a PI story), though two were cross-genre westerns that were accepted before Michael became the head fred.

5. Mystery Magazine (previously Mystery Weekly) -- Editor: Kerry Carter. Established 2015, based in Ontario, Canada. Word length at Mystery Magazine is 1000 to 7500 for regular stories and less than 1000 for what they call "You Solve It" mysteries that ask the reader to come up with the solution. They pay 2 cents a word, on acceptance, for most short stories and a flat rate for the You-Solve-Its. Payments are made via PayPal, though mine have all been (at my request) in the form of an Amazon gift card. Preferences: MM is said to be especially receptive to stories with humor and stories with unique settings (both place and time), and apparently they avoid stories that "date" themselves or use excessive violence or cruelty to animals. They've also said they prefer cross-genre stories and that they never receive enough stories with horror, fantasy, or SF elements. In case it matters, most of my stories at MM have been regular crime fiction, but one was a funny mystery, five included supernatural elements, and four were westerns. Submissions are made via their website, and you can access a countdown screen that shows how many stores are ahead of yours in the submission queue--though some stories occasionally jump the line and get accepted before their time. I've found that a wait of around a month is usually a good estimate. My longest story at MM so far was 6900 words and the shortest was 1000.

6. Sherlock Holmes Mystery Magazine -- Editor: Carla Coupe. Established 2008. This is a sister publication to Black Cat Mystery Magazine, and both of them are products of Wildside Press. My first sale to SHMM was in 2012, and I remember that I found the guidelines at a site called Better Holmes and Gardens. (Seriously.) I think SHMM began as a quarterly, and for a long time publication of the magazine was irregular, sometimes with many months between issues--but lately that has leveled out; I had a mystery in their most recent issue last month, and I signed a contract this past week for another one in their next issue. Most of my stories there have been fairly short mysteries, and usually lighthearted. The longest was 4800 words, the shortest 900.

7. Tough -- Publisher: Rusty Barnes. Established 2017, online-only publication. Tough is said to be both a "crime fiction journal" and a "blogazine of crime stories." Preference: stories with rural settings. They require original stories and occasional reprints--but the reprints are considered on a case-by-case basis and cannot have been available anywhere online. Their pay is a flat rate of $50 for original stories and $25 for reprints. There are some strict formatting guidelines, available at their website. Submissions are done at their site, via Submittable, and your story can be tracked by logging in to Submittable for status reports. I've published only one story at Tough, and it was a 6000-word original mystery/crime story set in the South's deepest backwoods.

8. Mystery Tribune -- Editor: Ehsan Ehsani. Requires previously unpublished stories, accepts fiction submissions year-round, and publishes four times a year. According to their site, most fiction submissions for the print editions are between 3000 and 6000, and all should be less than 10,000 words. Flash fiction is generally published in their online editions. They say they'll respond to submissions within three months, though it's sometimes longer, and they have a submissions system that allows writers to check the status (received/in progress, etc.) online. Time between acceptance and publication can be many months, and in my case--I've sold them only one story, a 3000-word twisty mystery--I wasn't notified when it was published and have never gotten a copy of the issue. But I was paid, and from everything I've heard and seen, the magazine is a quality publication. It certainly features many well-known authors in its back issues. As for pay, that varies, and I understand there's no payment at all for flash fiction.

9. Black Cat Weekly -- Editor/publisher: John Betancourt. Associate editors: Barb Goffman and Michael Bracken. This market, from Wildside Press, is a bit different in that it's invitation-only. The magazine began in 2020 as Black Cat Mystery and SF E-Book Club, and Black Cat Weekly started in 2021. It's digital-only (no print editions), new issues are released every Sunday, and both Barb and Michael name one story as personal "picks" for their issues. The pay rate ranges from $25 to $100, depending on story length. The magazine features reprints of stories chosen by the editors and occasionally features new stories as well. (Barb told me she mostly does reprints and Michael mostly buys rights to new stories.) My longest story at Black Cat Weekly was an original story of 7600 words and my shortest was a reprint of 2300.

10. Woman's World -- Editor: Alessandra Pollock. Established 1981, circulation 1.6 million. They publish one mystery story and one romance story in every weekly issue. Wordcount is 700 max for mysteries and 800 for romances. All my sales there have been mystery stories except for two romances, years ago. In case you're interested, when I first started sending stories to WW their mysteries were 1000 words max and paid $500 each their romances were 1500 words max and paid $1000 each. Their mysteries were once (like the romances) traditionally-told stories, but the mysteries changed in 2004 to an interactive format which features a separate "solution box" such that readers are invited to solve the mysteries themselves. Preferences seem to be lighthearted crime stories that include no explicit sex or violence, no strong language, and no controversial subjects such as religion, politics, etc. They also seem to prefer female protagonists, local settings vs. foreign, easygoing vs. gritty, good-guy-wins vs. bad-guy-wins, etc., but I have happily broken those rules and made sales, so make of that what you will. Also, be aware that I've often heard that WW stories must have three suspects in each mystery--that is simply not true. Also false is the rumor that you must be a female writer to do well at this market. You don't. Just write a good mystery that gives the reader enough information to solve the puzzle on his/her own, don't go over 700 words, don't put a pet in jeopardy, and send 'em the story. A tip that might help: they seem to like series stories that feature the same characters each time--that's something that works out well for both the magazine and the writer.

One market I didn't include in the above list is The Saturday Evening Post -- Established 1821, circulation (in 2018) 240,000. A word of explanation: I've had ten stories published there, five of them mysteries, BUT . . .  my stories appeared in the print edition of the SEP (they publish one piece of fiction in every issue, which is once every two months); those stories were sold via my agent and I've had no direct contact with the editor, Patrick Perry. The point I'm building up to, here, is that there is also an online version of The Saturday Evening Post, and several of my writers friends have had good success with mystery stories there. I've not tried submitting anything to the online Post so I don't know any of the specifics (pay, frequency, masthead, response time, needs, preferences, etc.)--but it appears to be a viable market for crime/mystery fiction.

Again, these are paying markets, but there are also non-paying publications that might be worthy of your work and time--you'll have to decide that for yourself. I have occasionally submitted my own stories, sometimes original stories and sometimes reprints, to those if I like the publication and if I like the editor. Two that come immediately to mind are Mysterical-E (editor Joseph DeMarco) and Kings River Life (editor Lorie Lewis Ham). They are respected markets, they're online-only, they feature mystery stories, and both Joe and Lorie have been kind to me over the years.

By the way . . . I heard someone say recently that most awards and best-of selections are going not to magazine stories but to stories in anthologies. I agree to some extent, but I must mention--without boring you with details--that I and others have had good luck in that regard with stories in the magazines listed above. Yes, awards and best-of judges and editors do look at mystery anthologies when they're choosing stories, as they should--but I assure you they also look at magazines.

Please let me know, in the comments section below, what you think about all this. Which markets have been the best homes for your stories? Which do you subscribe to, and/or read regularly? Do you have any corrections or updates to the information I've provided above? (I assure you they are welcome.) Did I leave anything out? How about your own experiences with these markets, or with others I failed to include? Do you write anything other than mysteries? Have you found you're submitting more often to anthologies that to magazines? 

Now, back to writing.

Wonder where I should send the story I'm working on now . . . 

Wasting time by watching stuff on the internet

What I learned from wasting my writing time by watching stuff on the internet:

Lions are mean. They kill for food primarily but will kill to prove they are king of the jungle (and the veldt).

Hyenas are gangsters, stealing prey from other predators, ganging up on other animals, even lions when the male lions aren't around.

Horses like cats. (I already knew that but watching them killed time).

Road runners can run up to 26 miles per hours in short spurts while coyotes can run up to 40 miles per hour for long distances. What the fuck? Shoulda known. Coyotes are canines. Don't wolf-pack run down their prey?

There are people who go into forests during the winter, struggle through the snow to build an LFC (little fuckin' cabin) from logs and mud and tree branches and stay in their little cabin for days, cooking fish they catch from half-frozen streams and animals they manage to kill. Animals who have been avoiding natural predators and trying to survive the frost only to have a bored human with a compound bow and arrow come along.

I learned from watching professional pokers play that I know nothing about poker and glad I don't play cards, even for no money.

The Bee Gees song Tragedy is as bad as I remember, while Stayin' Alive still rocks and K.C. and the Sunshine band takes me back to when life was just a playground for guys and gals in our twenties – young, good looking, our whole lives in front of us. So I daydream and my writing waits for me to come back. Is there a story in my daydream. Maybe, so it's not all a waste. Maybe.

Watching an LSU football game on TV with the sound muted while listening to the game on a Spanish language radio station (sportscasters who normally broadcast soccer – futbol – games) is a BLAST. Greatest commentators. Don't know what they are saying but their enthusiasm is electric.

Comedians from Scotland, Ireland and Australia are speaking English, I think.

Humans fall down a lot and many are recorded on house video cameras.

Puppies are cute, so are baby opossums, raccoons, squirrels – hell, most baby animals. But kittens are the cutest by far. Just my opinion.

Wasting time. We all do it. Writers writing on computers need to be cautious. It's so easy to waste time. Too easy.

I conclude with a reference to one of my favorite songs from Crosby, Stills & Nash, a song written by Graham Nash – Wasted on the Way.

LINK: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nWlEsta4xS8

That's all for now.

---

www.oneildenoux.com

Marlowe on TV

And here it is, the fourth installment in my four-part series, delving deeply into the back catalog of Raymond Chandler’s iconic detective, Philip Marlowe across media other than the printed word. You can find previous installments here, here, and here. Now let’s get to it!

As television came to prominence during the mid-20th century, it can be of little surprise that fictional characters and their stories from previously established media (books, short stories, plays, films, etc.) began to find a place on TV.

After all, for a lot of the owners of these intellectual properties, selling the TV rights amounted to so much free money. As was the case with so many who went before him, Raymond Chandler had no qualms about licensing his famous detective for television.

However, television has proven-with one notable exception-to be a problematic medium for Marlowe.

Oh sure, there were the early one-offs. Reliable movie villain–of the effete, cultured variety–Zachary Scott played Marlowe in a 1950 adaptation of The Big Sleep for Robert Montgomery Presents. And four years later Dick Powell reprised the role for the initial episode of anthology series Climax! in a live adaptation of The Long Goodbye (with Caesar Romero as Mendy Mendez!). These were one-offs for anthologies and adaptations of existing Chandler properties (and as nearly as I can tell, unavailable anywhere to view). In 1959 ABC television launched Philip Marlowe a thirty minute crime drama starring Philip Carey in the title role, it lasted a single season.

The coolest thing about 1959’s Philip Marlowe was that fake scar on Philip Carey’s cheekbone.

Carey was a decent choice for Marlowe, and he really gave it his all, but his presence was really all the show had going for it. Filmed using many of the same sets as Perry Mason, the show had a thin supporting cast (avuncular character actor William Schallert played Marlowe's cop pal Lt. Manny Harris), and most importantly, bore nearly no resemblance to the source material. The series clocked twenty-six episodes before being cancelled in 1960.

As was the case with the BBC's attempts at bringing the original Marlowe novels to the radio, TV's second bite at a Marlowe series succeeded where the previous one had failed. It took into the early 1980s for it to happen, and it was subscription cable service Home Box Office that pulled it off, with its first originally produced series, Philip Marlowe, Private Eye, with the great Powers Boothe as Marlowe.

Produced at Twickenham Studios in England, the series premiered on April 16, 1983 with a terrific adaptation of the Chandler short story "The Pencil." Where the Carey series suffered from a shoe-string budget and little interest on the part of the production team in aligning the TV show with the source material, HBO lavishly funded Philip Marlowe, Private Eye, and in two separate seasons (1983 and again in 1986) adapted a total of eleven of Chandler's Marlowe stories for the small screen. Here they are:

Season One:

1. "The Pencil"

2. "The King in Yellow"

3. "Nevada Gas"

4. "Finger Man"

5. "Smart Aleck Kill"

Season Two:

1. "Blackmailers Don't Shoot"

2. "Spanish Blood"

3. "Pickup on Noon Street"

4. "Guns at Cyrano's"

5. "Trouble is My Business"

6. "Red Wind"

The definitive TV Marlowe

And there's not a clunker in the bunch. Even weaker, earlier Chandler material such as "Blackmailers Don't Shoot" and "Smart Aleck Kill" gets an effective make-over as part of the screen adaptation process. And through it all Boothe shines as Marlowe. Anyone familiar with Boothe's work will recognize that he was more than capable of playing the good guy who tapped into a darker side. His Marlowe is always engaging, interesting, and when on the screen you can't take your eyes off him.

The series' budget is also evident in the production values, including authentic sets (although they do sometimes seem a bit too clean for 1930s/40s Los Angeles, but that is a minor quibble) and costumes. Solid supporting casts helped round out the product. At a lean eleven episodes, this series really is worth your time. It's not free, but you can stream it here.

Danny Glover as Marlowe in "Red Wind"

At around the same time as the HBO series was running, cable competitor SHOWTIME ran a one-off adaptation of a Chandler story in its crime fiction anthology series Fallen Angels. Danny Glover, hot off his success in Lethal Weapon portrayed Marlowe in another adaption of "Red Wind."

Changing up Marlowe's ethnicity (and that of several other characters in the story) while staying largely true to the action of the original story, really does create a different narrative. Marlowe's motivations change with his identity, and as a one-off experiment, it really does work and is also definitely worth your time. If you're interested, you can watch it for free here.

Jason O'Mara as a modern "Marlowe"

Lastly there is the never-picked-up pilot for a series titled Marlowe, produced in 2007 and starring a pre-Life on Mars Jason O'Mara as a modern-day version of the title character. I enjoyed the story, and the acting was good (especially O'Mara), but this modern Marlowe is very modern (he even has a secretary!), and really bears no more resemblance to the source material than I do to a wire haired schnauzer. In fact, I think the problem with O'Mara as Marlowe (aside from the fact that the pilot does not pay even lip service to the source material) is similar to the one I had with Garner in the role. I saw Jim Rockford in the film. And in this pilot I see Sam Tyler, O'Mara's character from Life on Mars (although his Marlowe seems less bemused/confused, and actually smiled more). Still, if you're curious about what might have been, you can check it out for free here.

And there you have it! As a quick recap, for my money Liam Neeson's turn as Marlowe is a proud entry into the canon, Toby Stephens' turn as Marlowe for BBC Radio might well serve as the definitive take on the character, and when it comes to Marlowe on TV, nobody does it better than Powers Boothe.

Agree? Disagree? Curious? Drop a line in the comments and let us know what you think.

And as always, see you in two weeks!

Keep It Under Your Hat (Your Crimesolving Ability, That Is)

by Michael Mallory

Paget's Original Deerstalker Illustration

Here’s a simple experiment: draw a stick figure, like a “Hangman” victim, and then ask anyone who it is. 

They will not know. How could they?

Now cover the round circle head in a cap with a front and back brim and a bow on top, and ask again.

The reply is guaranteed to be “Sherlock Holmes.” 

Once a symbol of country life, the common deerstalker──a tweed cap with ear-flaps worn by hunters in rural areas of England as they (wait for it…) stalk deer──has incongruously become synonymous with one of the most renowned Londoners of all time.

How did this turn of events come about?

Blame it on the illustrator. Sir Arthur Conan Doyle never mentioned a deerstalker by name in any of his 60 Holmes adventures, though in the 1891 short story “The Boscombe Valley Mystery,” Dr. Watson described Holmes as traveling to a village in Hertfordshire wearing “a close-fitting cloth cap.” That could, of course, just as easily have signified a flat “newsboy” cap. But one year later, when “The Adventure of Silver Blaze” first appeared, Watson got a little more specific in describing Holmes’s headgear, stating he wore “his ear-flapped travelling cap” to Dartmoor. While flat caps of the era sometimes came with ear protectors, the “Silver Blaze” description certainly sounds like a deerstalker, so Strand Magazine illustrator Sidney Paget took the inference and ran with it. 

Paget first depicted Sherlock Holmes wearing a deerstalker for “Boscombe Valley,” and then recreated that illustration nearly verbatim for “Silver Blaze.” As a result, the cap immediately became shorthand for the appearance of Holmes, so much so that he was rarely depicted in any stage or film incarnation without it. This was despite the fact that a deerstalker in London would have looked as out-of-place to a fashionable Victorian as would a Native American war bonnet.

Bernhardt in Fedora

A half-century after Sidney Paget’s iconic drawings of Holmes, another form of headgear started to be identified with a detective, albeit a tougher, harder-boiled one. This was the fedora, whose origins were anything but tough…or even male.

French stage star Sarah Bernhardt wore a unique hat in her starring role in a popular 1882 play by Victorien Sardou: it was a soft felt hat with a narrow brim (narrower than most women’s hats of the time, anyway), and rather lavishly decorated. 

The play was called Fedora and the hat caused a sensation. Parisian women raced to their milliners to request “a Fedora hat,” which is how the name got pasted to the style. In short order the chapeau became unisex, though men’s fedoras tended to be less-showy, except for the one sported by Oscar Wilde. His signature version of the fedora, which was always worn at a dramatic angle, featured a tall, dented crown and a wide, turned-down brim.

Bogart in The Big Sleep

By the 1920s, the fedora was well on its way to becoming the default hat for city men, edging out the derby, the more formal homburg, and the straw boater. By the ‘30s, it was hard to find a man who was not wearing a fedora, either a weather-durable felt one for autumn and winter, or a chic Panama straw fedora for spring and summer. Derbies and boaters were more commonly seen on film comedians of the era than the average man on the street.

How, then, did the fedora become de rigueur for a 20th century gumshoe──usually accompanied by a trench coat? The answer is time plus the march of fashion.

In the period between the two World Wars, fedora hats were so universal that they were not even referred to as such. One could read every novel written between 1930 and 1960, and watch every film produced within that time, and encounter the word “fedora” less than two-dozen times. The lids were referred to simply as “men’s hats” or “soft hats.” As widespread as they had been, though, by the late 1950s, classic fedoras were on the way out.

Andrews in Laura

Many blame President John F. Kennedy for this since he famously chose not to wear hats (he did carry a Cavanagh brand fedora for photo ops, though, since the head of the Cavanagh Hat Company was an old Navy friend of the president’s). But the truth is that fashion sense had been changing for some time prior to Camelot. 

The porkpie hat──not the comically flat one worn by Buster Keaton, but taller ones made of felt or straw that also bore snap brims──had become prevalent. What remained of the fedora morphed into the “trilby,” a hat that was similar in shape but with a shorter, tapered crown and a much narrower brim, and sometimes made of leather.

By the end of the 1960s, most men did not wear hats at all, and those who did often preferred the more casual lids such as fishing hats, bucket hats, or “skipper” hats.

Yet the images from the movies remained. Humphrey Bogart decked out in a fedora and trench coat in The Maltese Falcon (1941), Casablanca (1943), and The Big Sleep (1946), plus Dana Andrews similarly attired in Laura (1944), solidified the connection. Just as “ten-gallon” hats defined the look of the Westerner in people’s eyes (the classic “cowboy hat” being more a product of Hollywood than reality), so did the fedora and trench coat become the de facto uniform for a private eye on screen, though that connection would not really enter into the collective consciousness until a generation after the fact.

Eddie Constantine in Alphaville

As the wartime trench coat gave way to sleeker rain coat, and the classic straight-crowned, wide-brimmed fedora went the way of pocket watches and spats, what was normal daily dress evolved into a costume, one that was resurrected by later filmmakers who wanted to evoke that lost time. 

French director Jean-Luc Godard revived the look in Alphaville (1965), his bizarre, futuristic homage to film noir, while Peter Sellers lampooned it as Inspector Clouseau.

And while some might argue that Indiana Jones rescued the fedora from total association with detectives, it was the kind of rescue that lasted only until the next Indy film. 

Downey in Sherlock Holmes

Through no fault of their own, the humble, practical deerstalker and the once-ubiquitous fedora defined more than a century of fictional sleuths. So iconic have they become to their archetypal characters that the decision to put Robert Downey, Jr. in a Wildean fedora in Sherlock Holmes (2009) seemed somewhere between an anachronism and a sacrilege.