II. A Hiss Before Dying
Lights down, curtain up, the famed film unreels.
Two minutes… ⏱️ … two minutes of reverent silence lapse as the camera passes under a gate bearing an encircled letter K. In the distance, a castle-like mansion beckons, a single lit window draws in the audience.
Through the glass, snow, swirling mysterious snow. When the camera pulls back, the scene reveals a snow globe cupped by an aged, dying man.
As the old man expires, the sphere rolls from his hand and shatters.
At that moment, theatre doors burst open. A piercing shaft of light slices the audience’s peripheral vision. The late-comers stumble and mumble, and their voices boom through the hushed auditorium.
“Hold this. Oh geez, I told that kid extra butter, no ice and lookie, extra ice and no butter. I’m gonna slap him silly. Hey, it’s started already. Oh, it’s that old guy, Orkin something. Scuse me. Oh crap, it’s in black and white.”
“Damn it. I can’t see. Scuse me. Scuse me.”
“Shh! Shh!”
On screen, the dying man whispers something approximating, “Яzzchoz€ßplub.”
“Whuh?”
💬
“What’d he say?”
“Don’t know.”
“Shhh!”
“He said nose rub.”
“Slow snub?”
“Or clothes scrub.”
“No, no. Hose tub.”
“That makes no sense.”
“Maybe he whispered nose blood.”
“Like nosebleed? ’Cause he’s dying?”
“I’m thinkin’ Moe’s Pub.”
“Nonsense, no Moe and no pub.”
“It’s the bar next door. I need a drink.”
“Are you all deaf? He said toe stub.”
“That’s ridiculous.”
“Shhh.”
“Huh?”
“He said snow glub.”
“No way. It was a snow globe, not a glub.”
“When it rolled, it went glub-glub.”
“That’s silly.”
“Honey, would you go back to the concession stand?. I can’t eat popcorn without butter.”
“Shhh!”
“Scuse me. Scuse me. Scuse me.”
“What?”
“Turn off your phone!”
“I’m googling.”
“What’s it say?”
“Yo. Reddit says rosebud.”
“What? That makes even less sense.”
“Facebook misheard it too.”
“Scuse me. Scuse me. Okay, they gave us triple butter.”
“Two hours debate and we still don’t know.”
“I vote to close-caption theatre subtitles.”
“That concessions kid forgot salt.”
“Shhh.”
“#@%£∂!”
👀
“Hey, look. Something’s painted on… on… on that burning thing. What is that?”
“A bedstead?”
“A bobsled?”
“Bob’s sled? Who’s Bob?”
“Shhh!”
“What does it mean?”
“I want a refund.”
“Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a show stub.”
“That’s the ticket.”
“Shhh!”
Wait! There’s more. ☞
