Thanksgiving Humor

Seven years ago, I ran this column Thanksgiving week. Since many people might need a laugh this year, I'm running it again, with minor edits. Happy early Thanksgiving to those of you in the US. 

It's two days until Thanksgiving, and I bet some of you are stressed. Maybe it's because you're cooking and ... it's the first time you're hosting, and you want it to be perfect. Or your mother-in-law is coming, and your turkey never lives up to hers. Or the weatherman is predicting snow on Thanksgiving and you're afraid that your relatives won't show up ... or maybe that they will.

Or maybe your stress stems from being a guest. Are you an introvert, dreading a day of small talk with the extended family? A picky eater, going to the home of a gourmet who makes food way too fancy for your tastes? Or are you a dieter, going to the home of someone who likes to push food and you're likely to spend the day going, "no thanks, no rolls for me," "no thanks, no candied yams for me," "no thanks, no cookies for me," ... "dear lord, lady, what part of no thanks don't you get?"

No matter who you are, or what your situation, Thanksgiving can cause stress. The best way to deal with stress is laughter. And that's where I come in. So set down that baster and get ready to smile, because I've got some fictional characters who've had a worse Thanksgiving than you.

Paul and Jamie Buchman from Mad About You
 

They tried so hard to make the perfect dinner ... only to have their dog, Murray, eat the turkey.


Rachel Green from Friends

All she wanted was to cook a nice dessert for her friends ... only to learn too late that she wasn't supposed to put beef in the trifle. It did not taste good.


The Gang from Cheers 

Those poor Thanksgiving orphans. They waited hours for a turkey that just wouldn't cook ... only to then suffer the indignity of being involved in a food fight. (For anyone who's ever read my story "Biscuits, Carats, and Gravy," this Cheers episode was the inspiration.)


Debra Barone from Everybody Loves Raymond

She was determined to have a happy Thanksgiving despite her overly critical mother-in-law ... only to drop her uncooked turkey on the floor three times before flinging it into the oven. Yum.


Arthur Carlson from WKRP in Cincinnati

He wanted to create the greatest promotion ever, inviting the public to a shopping mall and providing free turkeys ... live ones ... only to learn too late that tossing live turkeys out of a helicopter from 2,000 feet in the air isn't a good idea. As God was his witness, he thought turkeys could fly.


Garner Duffy from "Bug Appétit"

I've written a bunch of funny Thanksgiving stories over the years. One had a food fight. One was set at a nudist colony. One involved ... well, the title gives you a hint. In 2018, "Bug Appétit" was published. Its main character, Garner Duffy, is a con man. And all he wants for Thanksgiving is to eat some good food at his mark's home before stealing her jewelry. He learns too late that her mother is ... an inventive cook. This story was a finalist for the Agatha, Anthony, and Macavity awards, and the fine folks at Ellery Queen's Mystery Magazine asked me to record it for them. You can listen to it here: https://www.podomatic.com/podcasts/eqmm/episodes/2019-04-01T06_10_35-07_00

I hope you're smiling and feeling less stressed by now, dear readers. Until next time, happy Thanksgiving!