04 July 2024

Happy 4th! (Now with Jokes!)

Another turn in the rotation, another Summer holiday! Happy July 4th to SleuthSayers near and far!

And of course, me being me, I have some thoughts about this most American of holidays, and I fully intend to let 'er rip.

You know, some current events. Laced with a fair bit of (hopefully) relevant historical analysis. Some snark. Some "getting real."

So, the usual.

But first, some writer-adjacent humor!

A writer and his agent were stranded in the Sahara Desert, the only two survivors of a plane crash. After wandering for several days without food or water, they climbed the top of yet another sand dune, only to see an oasis, with a lagoon and a bubbling spring of fresh water beckoning them.

The two of them stumble/tumble/run down the dune to the oasis, and just as the writer is kneeling down to take a drink from the lagoon, out of the corner of his eye, he sees a stream of yellow liquid arcing from behind him into the lagoon.

The writer looks over his shoulder, and to his horror, sees that the agent is PEEING in the pool!

”What the HELL are you doing?” the writer yells.

The agent beams back at him. “I’m improving it.”

Q: What has twenty-seven actors, three settings, two writers, and one plot?

A: Six hundred and seventy-one Hallmark movies!

Q: How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Two. One to change the bulb, and the other to give it an unexpected twist at the end!

He is not wrong.

Q: What do you call an immaterial fantasy writer?

A: A non-fungible Tolkien.

Q: What's the difference between a 19th-century shipwright and a 21st-century writer of fan fiction?

A: One tries to fit as many cannons as they can onto a ship. The other tries to fit as many ships as they can into canon.

Q: Why don't escaped convicts make good writers?

A: Because they never finish their sentences!

And on that note, let me come clean.

This year I have no moral to impart. No examples from history to share. No pithy remarks about the state of our Republic, other than to express my continuing pride in it and abiding faith in its foundation: the People.

Nothing I say here is going to change who anyone reading it plans to vote for. So let's take the day and grill, and watch fireworks, and listen to that one uncle tell that same story about the time he met Ed Begley, Jr. in an airport one July 4th many, many years ago, and hold our loved ones close and make the best sorts of memories.

Happy Birthday America. I love ya!

See you in two weeks!


  1. That’s one of the best light-bulb jokes ever, for once a true LOL.

    Q: How many editors does it take to screw in a light bulb?
    A: Only one after hours of debating ‘light bulb’ or ‘lightbulb’.

    >… non-fungible Tolkien.

    That is soooooooo bad. Good, but bad.

    Happy 4th, Brian, happy Independence Day. May we see many, many more.

  2. Thank for the funnies. On this 4th, we can use a laugh.

  3. That first joke is a hoot! I snorted out loud. Thanks for the humour, Brian! Melodie

  4. Good chuckles. Happy holiday and long may our fragile democracy survive.

  5. Brian, you left out: May the 4th be with you.

  6. Great post, and I needed the laughs!


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