Personally, I’ve been blessed with a fairly easy road to publication. I began submitting magazine features while still in my teens, and most of them were accepted. The ones that weren’t brought encouraging letters rather than form dismissals. When I completed the first Callie Parrish mystery, I found an excellent New York agent who was able to place that book with the Berkley division of Penguin in a great deal with an advance and contract for two additional books, but I’ve recently begun writing and submitting an occasional short story. Rejection HURTS!
Rejection has been dealt with very well in SS, however, so today I’ll focus on an issue
that’s just as excruciating at times—reviews.
My present publisher for the Callie books is wonderful, and the
publisher of my pen-name efforts is almost as accommodating, but neither can
protect me from that curse of the Internet—the occasional bad review.
Most of Callie’s reviews are and have been positive.
She’s a little extreme, her vocation is unusual, and her friend Jane is
atypical. What this means is that most
readers either like her or hate her and thankfully, those who hate her don’t usually
bother to post reviews, but some do.
When I read the reviews from those who love Callie, I want to seek them
out and give them all great big hugs.
When I’m interviewed on radio or television and the interrogators
obviously like Callie, I want to take them home and cook them a fine southern
dinner (and then hug them).
Recently, I Googled myself and read
reviews going back to the first Callie in 2007.
Most of them made me think warm, fuzzy thoughts. Those who bad-mouthed me, my writing, or my
characters, did, however, create in me a strong urge for reaction. If the criticism was constructive, it made me consider changes. If not, it made me want to respond. I don’t want to harm them, but I
feel compelled to ANSWER them!
Prior to suggesting how to handle that
feeling, I want to share two negative reviews with you as well as what I would
say if I were foolish enough to try to answer them,
My favorite (or should I say least favorite?) bad review of all time:
I
don’t read books about or by stupid, uneducated people.
My response to that is,
“Are you insulting the University of South Carolina where Callie received her BA
in Education or me personally or the universities where I earned two Master’s
degrees?” Then I read the next
part.
I
hated the first book, and I didn’t like the second one either (Hey Diddle,
Diddle, the
Corpse & the
Fiddle.)
My
reaction: “If you hated the first one,
why did you buy and/or read the second in the
series?
If ‘stupid’ were a word I used, I’d say it describes those actions.”
The Reviewer |
My next least favorite review
is over a page long and compares the Callie being reviewed to the second and third books in this
series. Actually, at that time, the
new one was the third. (Gross error tends to discredit opinions.) It continues by
saying that Jane feels entitled because
she’s short, blonde and blind. Jane
is taller than Callie (5’4”) and a natural red head. The only thing right in that sentence is
that Jane is blind. Callie talks too much. Callie books are first-person
narrative. If she doesn’t talk, there’s
no book. Same review says there are too
many men in the series—Daddy, MANY
brothers, TWO male bosses, and a former BF who is a Dr. @ the ER. My response to that is to remind the
reviewer that he/she (can’t tell from the initials) left out the sheriff, who
is also male. Of course, the review mentions Callie’s use of “puh-leeze” and “ex-cuuze.” I admit that was overdone in the first books,
but I’ve toned it down recently.
What I object to is that the reviewer accuses Callie of saying “looooooooooooooove” and a
few other words that aren't stretched out in any Callie stories.
This same
reviewer dislikes Callie barfing when she's frightened, then calls Callie a nauseating Southern belle. The review
closes with Get rid of Jane and the other
problems in these books, and I might/could read another Callie Parrish
mystery.
How do I deal with a review like that? Do I even want this person to read another Callie Parrish mystery? I remember that I'm a professional and a lady. I imagine myself purchasing expensive linen stationery and responding through the mail in my finest cursive handwriting. I've gone to great effort to locate the perfect clipart of that reply and you are welcomed to mentally mail this to anyone who deserves it. Do remember that the message on this clip is directed ONLY to the above reviewer and not to other reviewers nor to SleuthSayer writers or readers. Please scroll down to see that perfect clip.
Keep scrolling.
Keep scrolling.
Just a little more.
'Don't give up.
Keep scrolling.
Here it is:
How do I deal with a review like that? Do I even want this person to read another Callie Parrish mystery? I remember that I'm a professional and a lady. I imagine myself purchasing expensive linen stationery and responding through the mail in my finest cursive handwriting. I've gone to great effort to locate the perfect clipart of that reply and you are welcomed to mentally mail this to anyone who deserves it. Do remember that the message on this clip is directed ONLY to the above reviewer and not to other reviewers nor to SleuthSayer writers or readers. Please scroll down to see that perfect clip.
Keep scrolling.
Keep scrolling.
Just a little more.
'Don't give up.
Keep scrolling.
Here it is: