30 March 2021

What Drives Me ... And Maybe You Too


Why do people write fiction?

  • For enjoyment? That seems likely. 
  • For money? I guess that could be true, although except for a lucky few, writing fiction is certainly not the road to riches many people probably presume it is. 
  • Because they feel compelled to? I've heard people say that.
  • Because they are good at it (or fancy they are) and are driven by the need for praise and validation? Ding ding ding, we have a winner. 

If the question is why I write fiction, my answer is enjoyment and, I'm embarrassed to say, the need for praise. That became glaringly clear last week when something happened--I'll keep the details to myself--and I realized that far too much of my self-worth is wrapped up in the need for positive feedback on my work.

I would think that this far into my writing career, especially considering that I have had a fair amount of success, the joy I derive from the act of writing should be enough. I shouldn't need validation on top of that. But I do. 

No matter how much I enjoy writing (yes, sometimes it's a slog, but sometimes it's not), when I'm finished, I immediately crave feedback. That's why I used to send stories out more quickly than I do now, often too quickly, because I couldn't help myself. Thankfully, in the past few years I've become stronger, giving my stories time to cool so I can give them a good edit before I send them out, but it's a struggle each time I get to the end. I probably still send some stories out too quickly, resulting in unhappy rejections.

This is why I am much more excited on a day a story is accepted for publication than on actual publication day. A story's acceptance is direct feedback that someone I respect liked it enough to decide to publish it. The acceptance email might even have some comments about what the editor liked about the story. Publication day likely doesn't involve that same kind of feedback. Sure I might hear from people who congratulate me on the publication--and I'm not knocking that feedback at all; bring it on!--but such words are different from someone reading the story itself and telling me that they liked it and, even better, why. Some stories are published and I never hear any feedback from readers regarding whether they liked it. I may never even know if it's read. It can be a bit of a letdown.

That's why I read my reviews. It's why I search for them. Some of you reading this are probably shaking your head at me. "Never read your reviews!" I've heard the advice more than once. But still they pull at me like a drug. I seek them out. I bet some of you reading this column do too.

As someone who was raised in a home that emphasized academic achievement, I can understand how I ended up this way. A good primary-school student does homework that is returned regularly, often with check marks or stars. As the student gets older, there are tests and report cards that hopefully have the expected high grades, which result in praise or acknowledgement that you met familial expectations. I was primed my whole life while growing up to want the positive feedback that comes from doing a good job. And that desire hasn't disappeared now that I'm an adult who writes fiction. Instead, I'm like Pavlov's dog. Whenever I've put in the work and written what I believe is a good short story, I crave corresponding (hopefully positive) feedback.

I recognize that I shouldn't place so much power over my self-image in the hands (and the words) of others. I should derive joy from the act of writing, especially since I have enough experience to know when my work is good. I should not need external validation. But I do.

Perhaps others do too. I likely am not alone in this. This is why I urge readers to let authors know if you read their stories or books and like them. Public reviews or comments are good, but even a private email would be fine. It doesn't have to be detailed like a book report or written well enough to get an A. An email that said, "I just read X and it made me laugh. Thank you," would make me float all day long.

And now I open this blog to your (hopefully kind) comments. You know how much I love feedback.  

 ***

But first, a little BSP: I'm delighted to share that my story "Dear Emily Etiquette" was named a finalist last week for the Agatha Award for Best Short Story published last year. (Talk about external validation!) It appeared in the September/October  2020 issue of Ellery Queen's Mystery Magazine. Also nominated in my category are my fellow SleuthSayer Art Taylor, as well as Shawn Reilly Simmons, Gabriel Valjan, and James Ziskin. 

The Agatha winners will be announced in July during More Than Malice, this year's online Malice Domestic convention. You can learn more about the convention (and register at an early-bird price) here. And if you'd like to read my nominated story, you can read it by clicking here. Or you can listen to me read it to you on the Ellery Queen podcast by clicking here. The story runs for 32 minutes. Enjoy!

24 comments:

  1. The good news is you're a damn good clever and imaginative writer.

    My dreckOmeter arrived as a factory defect. I can't tell my good from bad!

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    1. Thanks, Leigh. And I'm sorry about your dreckOmeter. Maybe you can get a new one. They probably sell them at the same place writers get their ideas. You know the place.

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  2. Congratulations on your nomination, Barb. It's well deserved. You know I put Dear Emily Etiquette on my EQMM ballot. I had great fun reading it, and laughed out loud. Your craving for positive feedback is only naturally, I think. You write for an audience, and if that audience remains silent, you may wonder if something went horribly wrong. Well, let me tell you one thing, when I read Dear Emily Etiquette, I thought: wow, Barb is a far better writer than I am. I admire you for your creativity. It's volcanic!

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    1. Volcanic, wow. That's a good word! Thank you, Anne. I appreciate your support so much. And thanks for sharing your thoughts on my story. I'm so happy I made you laugh.

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  3. Congrats on the richly deserved nomination for a terrific story, Barb! And for what it's worth, I agree with you 100% on everything you've written here. There's nothing better than hearing that someone enjoyed your writing, and nothing more frustrating than having a story come out and vanish without a trace. Part of that, I think has to do with the odd nature of this little hobby of ours. Writing is an inherently solitary act, but it's also an inherently communicative act. You write because you want somebody to read. If that doesn't happen, it doesn't feel complete.

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    1. Thanks, Joe, about the story, and I'm glad you agree about the feedback. I think it's why I never kept a diary. Why write something if no one will read it? (Of course now I wish I had kept a diary because it would be useful to remember things that I could use in my stories--incidents or feelings I could build on. Oh well!)

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  4. More congratulations on "Emily Etiquette," Barb.

    You make a good point with the school analogy. Our whole life is built around the feedback we receive, so why should writing be different? All artists have the same concern: actors, musicians, dancers, painters...and it's hard to keeep producing in a vacuum.

    I don't like getting a rejection for a story, but at least it means someone read it. And like you, I tend to hold on to stories longer and give them one more look before I send them out now.

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    1. Thanks, Steve! And yes, being creative is wonderful, but being in a vacuum is hard.

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  5. Congrats, Barb, for a well-deserved nomination. This is an insightful piece and I'm so glad you shared your thoughts. Years ago, I met Pat Conroy at an event. He sat down at a table of young writers, including myself, and said, "It never gets easier." That was comforting, in a way, because we knew that no matter where you were in the author strata, it was still going to be a challenge.

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    1. You're welcome, Karen. Pat Conroy was right. No matter how much success you have, you're still going to have trouble writing some days, worry you can't make something work, worry that your idea is a piece of crap, worry that you've lost your mojo, that your best days are behind you ... I should stop before I bring myself down. So let's get back to your congratulations, which makes me feel good. Thanks!

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  6. Barb, best wishes on your Agatha nomination. As many writing judges say, the cream always rises to the top.

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  7. Congrats on the nom, Barb! Can't wait to read it. I, too, depend on external validation more than I should. But hey, we're only human, right??? ;)

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    1. That's what Billy Joel said! Only human. And thanks, Kris. I hope you like the story.

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  8. "I write because it isn't there." - Thomas Berger. Congrats, Barb!

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  9. Congratulations on your nomination, Barb!

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  10. Barb, I loved every word of your story and every word of your essay. Not only are we taught to get feedback o our work in school but we are then taught to not care--we're supposed to be "above" wanting praise. This is the road to insanity. When someone tells me they like my story or novel, I hope they're sincere because it means so much to hear that someone else enjoyed what I've written. Thank you for putting it all out there. I'll keep this to read when I'm feeling glum (which is far too often in a writer's life).

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    1. It is the road to insanity! Thank you, Susan, for your kind words. I'm so glad to be helpful, and I hope my words to bring comfort on the more difficult days (which I hope don't come too often). And I'm delighted that you loved my story. That makes me happy! :)

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  11. I laughed out loud at your story several times, Barb! I've been to a wedding reception where a small table was set up on one side of the room, in case anyone wished to drop off a gift or an envelope full of money. But I've never heard of going from table to table for a handout!! I hope that idea doesn't catch on. And good luck at the Agatha Awards.

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    1. I'm delighted to hear I made you laugh, Elizabeth. Thanks for letting me know. Thanks for the good wishes about the Agatha too. And yes, I hope that money-bag idea doesn't catch on too. It's too much like tithing in church.

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  12. Great piece Barb, it really made me think about my own reasons for writing -- I write for praise too, in addition to the other reasons you mentioned, and I imagine we are not alone :) And congrats again on the Agatha nomination -- high praise indeed!

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  13. Thanks on both counts, Adam. Much appreciated.

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